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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you grew up in a clean and tidy home?

329 replies

Netcurtainnelly · 20/01/2026 14:51

Apparently your more likely to be clean and tidy if you were.

OP posts:
selfcentred · 20/01/2026 17:52

My mum was clean and tidy and ironed everything and so do I.

selfcentred · 20/01/2026 17:59

Ha! Two minutes after I replied to this thread I got photos from one of my daughters of before and after she’d cleaned her oven! Chip off the old block!

TheBewleySisters · 20/01/2026 17:59

My mother was indifferent when it came to housework and I learned nothing from her about routines etc. My best friend's mother was ultra-houseproud and I was always ashamed if my friend came to visit as the difference between our two homes was noticeable. I left home at 18 to move to a different city and didn't have a clue how to keep my little flat ship-shape, but I've learned over the decades, and now keep a reasonable house, cleaner than my mother's but not up to the standard of my friend's mother.

Itiswhysofew · 20/01/2026 18:03

Yes, very clean and very tidy. I am the same and so is DSis

Climbingrosexx · 20/01/2026 18:06

No, it wasn't dirty as such but very messy. I am also pretty messy now although better than my childhood home. The messiness really gets me down but tidying and cleaning seems to take forever. I know people who can clean and tidy in no time at all but I do wonder if they ever sit still and settle down in the evening.

Skippydoodle · 20/01/2026 18:07

Mine was pretty awful. I’m not always the tidiest, but it is always very clean. I call DH the house elf, as he is always here and there, cleaning, vacuuming, washing up etc, so I am extremely fortunate! He is also very good humoured, loving, great dad etc. I wouldn’t swap him for the world, especially after reading many horror stories here.

Tulipsriver · 20/01/2026 18:17

Yes I did but I really struggle to keep my own house tidy. It's clean though.

Cakeandcardio · 20/01/2026 18:17

I grew up in a house that my mum seemed to constantly be tidying and when we got home from school it was tidy but then things accumulated over a few days. My house is the same. I feel I can never get on top of the mess and it makes me so sad. I don't know how to fix it. When I do a big push for guests coming then it is lovely but the mess comes back so quickly. I spend my life exhausted by it.

Comtesse · 20/01/2026 18:18

I grew up in a messy home. I still live in a messy home. I am better than I used to be (terrible as a student) but I find myself worrying more about other things. I am ok with it, but enjoying a bit of new year rationalising (another bag of rubbish to the charity this morning).

@VikingLady why is it bad to be able to hear the washing machine?? Haven’t heard of that before.

JaceLancs · 20/01/2026 18:19

Yes I did - but my DM was a minimalist - I’m more of a collector
I’m very tidy but hate cleaning so only keep on top of hygiene related areas - dust and cobwebs elsewhere

VikingLady · 20/01/2026 18:20

Comtesse · 20/01/2026 18:18

I grew up in a messy home. I still live in a messy home. I am better than I used to be (terrible as a student) but I find myself worrying more about other things. I am ok with it, but enjoying a bit of new year rationalising (another bag of rubbish to the charity this morning).

@VikingLady why is it bad to be able to hear the washing machine?? Haven’t heard of that before.

It takes me straight back to being in the living room as a kid on a Sunday morning waiting to start cleaning, which was always massively stressful. This may be my ASD though.

I know someone who braces before she can start washing up. The sound of the dishes drags her back.

ThisCantBeRightCanIt · 20/01/2026 18:27

I grew up in a very messy disorganised home. I didn't really think about it much until I moved in with my dh who came from a tidy house. I realised to my total embarrassment that I'd picked up really scruffy habits and it took years to try and break then. I'd say now I'm quite tidy but it's almost like I've had to rewire my brain. My brothers house looks just like my mums.

To give some examples. We never really had bins in any rooms so rubbish like tissue/sweet wrappers/clothing tags were just left on the side somewhere. Then maybe every few days my mum would just do a full sweep around the house with a bin bag. I still find myself leaving things on the table and have to remind myself.

We didn't have laundry baskets you'd just make a pile in the corner so I used to do the same as an adult.

There are other things that have had the opposite affect. Cupboards/draws and eventually rooms would become filled with stuff until the room was eventually written off and no longer used. I'm so paranoid about this that I do regularly big purges.

I'm a changed woman now. I have a label maker! 😂

Ilovepastafortea · 20/01/2026 18:28

I grew up in a very messy home - I'm talking about having to move newspapers, letters etc off chairs before you could sit down, work surfaces in the kitchen full of stuff that had to be moved before you could cook a meal. I remember playing 'house' with a friend when aged about 8 & the first thing I did was get a load of clothes to put on the floor behind the door as this is what a 'house' looked like to me.

However our house was generally clean, but my mother always had a housekeeper at least 3 times a week who used to do the cleaning. I honestly can't say that I remember my mother doing any cleaning (or much cooking). I doubt if she knew how the vacuum cleaner worked. When she died her house was a complete mess with papers & stuff everywhere-it took us at least 3 weeks to clear it all.

Both parents worked full time after my younger brother started school, before then my mother worked part-time. I think that my mother shouldn't have had children as she was very career-driven. She once told me that as soon as the contraceptive pill became available she was straight down to the doctor to get it. She was a very intelligent woman & was better suited to an academic life.

I remember as a teen (probably aged about 14) I used to cook a roast dinner every Sunday (mum was a terrible cook & hated cooking so was happy for me to take over) & it was me who used to clear & clean the cupboards chucking away food that was no longer good to eat (this was before the days of 'best before') I also remember it was me who used to clean the fridge every couple of weeks & get rid of the tomatoes & other things rotting in it.

My living/dining room is rather cluttered ATM, but that's because we've only been here for a few months & having lots of work done which means things that would go into the spare room that's due to be redecorated is stored in another room & currently, as we're having a new kitchen being fitted next week, all kitchen stuff is in the spare room.

But the house is clean. Although I have a cleaner for 1 hour every week, I clean the fridge every week, on the days when cleaner isn't coming, I wash the kitchen floor every day, clean the loo every day, clean the bathroom once a week, run the vacuum over the main floors most days. Also, you can sit down in my house & put your cup on the coffee table without having to move something.

CarminaBiryani · 20/01/2026 18:32

It never felt deeply clean or homely.

It was dusty (we had heating that blew hot air around in vents), kitchen cupboard doors falling off, cigarette burns, cigarette tar and limescale on everything.

We did not have a lot of stuff so it was tidy, except for my bedroom.

Do I have a clean and tidy home?

I have nice furniture and furnishings but I am extremely untidy, feel like everything is always in motion (even if its in a container) going to another room

It's definitely not clean at the moment but I do manage a deep clean reset every few months.

Am also a bit out of routine as I've been really busy with work so day to day hasn't been as clean as it should be.

Fidgety31 · 20/01/2026 18:36

I grew up in a cesspit, dirty full of fleas . Bugs crawling in my bed . Animal shit everywhere , overflowing toilet . I always felt disgusting . Mother was also a hoarder so the house was both dirty and overflowing with crap .

It gave me OCD and now I have to keep my house very clean and tidy . Absolutely everything has a place .

1apenny2apenny · 20/01/2026 18:36

No I didn’t to the extent I was ashamed to have any friends over. My house is and always has been clean and tidy enough to not be embarrassed if someone pops in or my children want friends over.

Ilovepastafortea · 20/01/2026 18:36

JaceLancs · 20/01/2026 18:19

Yes I did - but my DM was a minimalist - I’m more of a collector
I’m very tidy but hate cleaning so only keep on top of hygiene related areas - dust and cobwebs elsewhere

I have no problem with new cobwebs when a spider is sill in residence, old dusty ones go.

I'm in the office tomorrow when my cleaner comes & have left a note to leave the cobweb in a certain corner as there is a spider in residence. I consider spiders to be environmentally-friendly fly killers & have no problem with them. In fact they are all called 'Boris' or Borisena' in memory of the 'Who' song. I'm a child of the '60's & bit 'live & let live'. 😉

edited for typo

Alpacajigsaw · 20/01/2026 18:40

Yes.

Mine is clean and tidy now but when my kids were younger it was a struggle. My mum was a SAHM and then when she went to work my gran used to come and do lots of her housework. Whereas I have always at least worked 4 days a week and my mum didn’t do my chores 😂

ERthree · 20/01/2026 18:41

I grew up in a very clean and tidy house and yes my house is the same but my daughters house is a tip ( takes after her father)

Noluthando · 20/01/2026 18:41

Our home growing up was clean , tidy and organised. My house is clean enough but I really struggle with keeping tidy and organised and not keeping clutter. my sister is very clean , tidy and organised and never keeps anything. I was a very messy teenager with a permanent floordrobe. I think its partly modelling by parents and partly how your brain is wired.

walkingmycatnameddog · 20/01/2026 18:44

that’s an interesting question and one I have never thought about but yes I did. This was despite my dm often being in pain with an injured back, not a lot of help from her DH except for cooking. And not a huge support from me or other sibling. But yes I did, and it was lovely to think about that time.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 20/01/2026 18:46

No I didn’t.
Yes my house is very clean and usually tidy.
One thing I vowed was that I would always buy ‘matching’ items as we never had that. Our house was a mis match.
The first Christmas tree I had I bought all matching baubles and decorations, every single thing matched.
My aunties house was immaculate and beautifully furnished. Her dd is a horder.

JaceLancs · 20/01/2026 18:56

@Ilovepastafortea
Our spiders are Fred, Boris or Waynetta depending on size - they track their way round the ceilings and frustrate Dcat Finlay who follows them with his eyes but can’t get high enough

mickandrorty · 20/01/2026 18:58

I did and my house is clean but quite often messy! There was no messy play at all and no toys anywhere but the bedroom when i was a kid. My kids can paint, play with clay or playdoh, bake etc and if they want toys in the living room they can have toys in the living room!

Kaz620 · 20/01/2026 19:02

Yes to both but I really struggle when it’s slightly untidy and/or not totally clean. Wish I grew up in a less clean and tidy home if it meant I’d be less uptight about this.

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