AIBU to feel insulted?

[LucyFoley]

When my partner's mum died he gave me a few pieces of her jewellery. None expensive, a mix of costume jewellery and a few H Samuel things, gold watch etc. I had a good relationship with her.

He asked me for the watch back before Christmas. We have had separate properties as I don't want to be dependent on anyone as I've been in a position of splitting up and starting again before, and it suits him. It didn't at first but he accepted it.

He said it was because he had nothing of his mum's. I gave it back last week and asked him what he was going to do with it and he said he thought "Emily might want to wear it on her wedding day". Which was not what he told me originally.

Emily is his son's fiancee and they're getting married in the summer. She never knew his mother, had no relationship with her and was a child of 10 when she died, not even on the radar.

I feel relegated, dismissed and insulted.

He's very lucky that you gave it back when asked as he certainly had no legal right to it.

Thanks. It's my first post, and I thought the idea is posters agree or disagree, in a supportive manner. I didn't realise it's such a nasty place, for example, making a full character judgement on one thread from one person is crazy.

You're correct in what you say.

Do you wear the watch @LucyFoley ? Has your dp asked for it back properly or just to borrow?

I did wear it. He asked me for it back before Christmas but with a lot happening I forgot. He asked me twice again, each time saying he wanted it as a memory of his mother. When I gave it back (after having it cleaned) and I asked him what he was going to do with it (expecting he'd display it or something) he told me about giving it to his son's fiancee. That's why I was taken aback.

Is it a loan or permanent?

To the fiancee? I don't know, I didn't ask.

That’s pretty ugh actually. You wore it and he lied about why he wanted it back.

No wonder he's taken it back.

You're coming across as though you see it as nothing more than a manufactured item.

He brought the box round to you and you told him to take it back home - hardly the words of someone who feels honoured, are they?

And then, he's had to ask you 3 TIMES to give it back because you kept forgetting??

Jesus, could you be any more dismissive of the sentiment?

He can clearly see his future DIL would be more appreciative.

If you didn't ask, how on earth can you say he's lying about wanting something to remember his mum by? 😳

He could well be lending it to her on her wedding day as 'something borrowed'.

Nice. How to tell me you haven't read the thread without telling me you haven't read the thread.

Which is why she could have said no when he asked for it back. When she gave to back to him willingly, it became his again. And as such he can do whatever he wants with it. Maybe he is lending it to his son for the wedding day. It’s clearly a sentimental thing to do. OP is apparently all about the sentiment of the jewellery, I’m not sure why it’s a problem of the sentiment is being used by someone else.

I've read every word, I'm not sure why you think I might not have?

You come across as very dismissive with no appreciation of the sentiment attached, or the honour of being given it in the first place.

Because you're talking about the jewellery box. The watch gifting was not a part of that. You assumed.

You also have no idea of what has been happening in my life over the past few months, choosing to label me dismissive with no knowledge whatsoever.

But in real terms Emily is no more of a family member than OP, less in fact as OP has been with her partner over 10 years. I can see why she now feels that Emily is considered more of a family member than her.
Having said that, I would park my feelings on this occasion and be gracious about it, but not hand over any more items your partner suddenly wants to claim back (I'd also have his card marked for the deceit of not telling you what he really wanted the watch for)

Because you're talking about the jewellery box. The watch gifting was not a part of that. You assumed.

I assumed nothing. I mentioned the jewellery box as just another example of how dismissive you come across.

You also have no idea of what has been happening in my life over the past few months, choosing to label me dismissive with no knowledge whatsoever.

No-one here knows what's been going on in your life because it's irrelevant to this particular thread. If it wasn't, you would've added that information.

I'm labelling you as dismissive towards your partner's feelings when it comes to the sentiment of his mum's watch.

I'm doing that with the knowledge you've given us 🤷‍♂️

Are you attending the wedding op?
See if she thanks you for the loan of your watch..
Because imo it is your watch.

She gave it back last week so it's his again now.

And the OP hasn't bothered to ask him if he's loaning it to Emily for her wedding day, or giving it to her.

You brought up the jewellery box and rings as the backstory (when a relevant backstory would be more like "he has been lacking in thought towards me at times like he didn't buy me the present I wanted but something he wanted") which means in your head they are linked and there is a definite problem

The OP was too upset at the time. You seem to be very scratchy.

His DIL will be part of his family so it's right she has his mother's watch. You're his girlfriend, it was a strange thing to do to give it to you in the first place.

That was on him though wasn't it? I think it seems stranger to give it to somebody who had no connection with the original owner and in order to do that, take it away from someone who actually did. OP says she and his mom had a good relationship.

What do you mean 'at the time'?

You've had a whole week to ask him 😳

I honestly could not choose to get upset and insulted about trinkets.

Let them have them back, if you like antique and vintage rings go and choose yourself one. The son may want to have something of his Grandma involved in his wedding, hence the watch. Whatever, let them get on with it. Don't invest yourself here, it's a total waste of your time and energy.

That's interesting, because both those instances are of him lacking consideration towards me. You're right there. Maybe I'm also influenced by the character of the brother, and his wife to a lesser extent.

OP, honestly, you need to stop linking the brother and rings to this situation. It’s completely different and irrelevant.

It’s muddied MN’s understanding of the issue and I think it’s muddying your own feelings about a set of jewellery that was distributed more than a decade ago.

I don’t understand why you see the watch situation as dismissive and disrespectful of you. But that’s obviously how you feel. It might do you and your DP to have an open and honest discussion about this and the lack of security in your relationship that this has evidently raised.