To report bus driver that bullied DS

[Projecap]

Ds is 15 and autistic, he has SM and has really struggled in education and making friends. His secondary school weren't supportive at all and In the end I pulled him out to protect his mental health. He took last year out, doing little bits of work but mostly recovering as his anxiety was so bad.

In September, he startedcollege and he's doing really well, he made a friend and he really looks out for DS and seems to understand him and most importantly has never pressured him to talk to him, most their communication is DS writing things down on his phone etc.

Before Christmas he shocked me by saying he wanted to get the bus to college with his friend at the start of the new term, I was driving him in but I was open to let him try. Because of his expensive bus passes are I had been giving him money for a day saver each day, his friend would speak for him and ask for the ticket and for the past 2 weeks there had been no issues

However, this morning when they got on the bus the driver was quite rude to DS and wouldn't give the ticket to DS if his friend was asking, he was telling DS to stop being rude, it wasn't hard and was getting quite annoyed that he was holding the bus up. His friend admitted he got kind of rude back and told him it wasn't hard to just give DS the ticket either. In the end they just got off and went to McDonald’s as DS had got stressed and he told me this afternoon there were older people that go to the same college on the bus and they were all staring at him - it's a public bus though.

The friend called me using DS’s phone and when I got there DS had calmed down but he wanted to go home and sleep. He seems ok now but he's torn between wanting to try the bus again, me taking him and not wanting to go at all, he's sort of going in circles with it.Im furious and worry this has now set him back

I tried calling the bus company but got no answer earlier, a friend said they wont do much and it's happened now, so is it?

But a driver faced with awkwardness all day every day can’t be expected to know that. That’s the whole point. Maybe try actually being a bus driver and you might have an idea what they are up against day in day out.

No…. Come on…

You’re absolutely right that bus drivers have a hard job. So any reasonable one is not going to pick an unnecessary fight with a young person having a ticket bought for them by their friend. He was just throwing his weight around.

While I have sympathy for bus drivers (my own father worked for a transport company in a public facing role), this particular one needs additional training on disabilities which selective mutism is. These teens weren't being disruptive - they got on to the bus and ordered a ticket. My DD cannot just talk any more than someone in a wheelchair can just get up and walk. She is far younger than the op's son so we haven't had to face a situation like this yet but it fills me with fear for her future.

Complain yes.

Also find a way for DS to communicate with the driver. A laminated written note on a bus pass sized price of paper. It could say what ticket he needs (student return to x please)

@Princessdebthe1st OP post seems to contradict itself though. On one hand DS suffers ftom selective mutism but on the other hand, the bus driver accused him of being rude and holding the bus. How was DS rude without talking in some way?

I think the account OP got about the situation has been very much twisted to show DS as an innocent victim. I suspect the reality was quite different.

There’s always one jeez read the full post!

If a job is so hard why add on extra tasks like teaching the public about how you think they should behave? He's not paid to be an etiquette coach, just take the money, hand over the ticket and get on with the route. Stick to your job.

Honestly it’s so basic these days to be more aware that some people have additional needs and surely it would be part of training in this sector

even my reception child is more aware than this driver !

Missed the point on purpose. This was shocking behaviour by an adult towards a child- I would have struggled not to be rude

Yes complain.

But also work on solutions. Why aren't you using the bus app to buy tickets? Surely the company has an app?

Also could DS carry a card that says he has selective mutism (is that the right wording?) That he could just offer to people. I know it shouldn't matter but it would potentially help in situations like the above (you cant account for dickheads).

Because some officious muppets think people who don’t jump through the social hoops of saying the right words at the right time, making the right amount of eye contact, are rude. Have you really never heard anyone tell a shy child to ‘speak up, don’t be so rude’, ‘say thank you’ etc.

This bus driver decided that it wasn’t ok for DS’s friend to ask for the ticket, that DS had to do it himself and that he was rude not to.

So all DS did to be called rude was- nothing.

This bus driver decided that it wasn’t ok for DS’s friend to ask for the ticket, that DS had to do it himself and that he was rude not to
And that he, was holding the bus up .... Come on, that makes no sense at all.

Nah you're absolutely a lowlife if you don't move for a wheelchair user.

Even if his friend was rude (by the sound of it the driver was a dick), I think he sounds brilliant. I'd take them both out for a treat (or pay for one), travelling by bus.
I hope it hasn't put DS off too much.

Mocking people with a disability is unacceptable. As PP have said, he needs to wear a lanyard with an attachment explaining he’s non verbal, I’m not surprised the friend was rude to this ableist arsehat!

Ridiculous behaviour from the driver. This is not an unusual or rude way to pay for bus tickets. When DH and I get the bus (we've been getting it quite regularly lately due to parking issues in a nearby town we like to visit) one or other of us always pays for both tickets, it just saves time.

the world has so moved on hasn’t it.

twenty years ago everyone except pensioners after 9am paid.

no free under 18 travel

no wheelchair access

no pushchair access

it was impossible to get on a bus with a sleeping child or two and a good shop from leave!

Yet today, sadly, we have wheelchair users going to court and losing thru appeal that they cannot tell someone who has paid for travel to move.

we also have a weird person telling everyone they are a lowlife if they don’t move on a 19 seater bus that only holds one wheelchair or one pram

I’m grateful it’s easier to get on buses for all, but sadly when buses are cut and made smaller because less people don’t/won’t pay!

And the reason there is now wheelchair access is because wheelchair users fought very hard for it. Only for selfish, lowlife parents to muscle in on the space and refuse to move.

Thinking it's weird to care about wheelchair users says so much about what kind of person you are.

It was Ken Livingstone who introduced it all. He changed the bus network by taking ideas from the Japanese bus system

Yep complain!
Email the bus company and explain your sons anxiety and autism and explain that catching a bus is a HUGE step for your son, say that the driver was completely out of order and that actually his behaviour humiliated your son and that the driver discriminated against a young person with a disability! How was this driver to know your son isn’t deaf/ can’t talk etc…
The boy being rude back is irrelevant, why wouldn’t someone be rude to someone who was being a dick!!

This is discrimination and needs reporting, write in your complaint that this bus driver is representing their company and that his poor customer service reflects bery badly on them. Tell them you expect a response in accordance with their complaints policy. (Look on line and find their policy for complaining - it’s probably an on line form!)

Yes, he should know that. The driver wasn't dealing with someone being deliberately difficult ir saying rude things or banging on the door as other examples on this thread.
He literally just had to print a ticket as was politely requested by DS's friend but chose not to do so, instead chose to insist he was spoken to directly and refusing to give a ticket when reasonably asked.
There are plenty of people, often men, who enjoy getting to 'correct' peoples manners as a form of bullying, and they usually target women and young people. We all know that if OP's DS had been a six foot four and in his thirties, the driver would have almost certainly not insisted he speak up.
It sounds like a little power trip, nothing else. If he can't cope with non verbal people trying to buy a bus ticket then he can't do the job.

100% right!

My brother struggled as a child, mum was helping him pay for something in a shop once, telling him he needed a certain coin… the person on the tills was really rude, eye rolling and tutting… really upset my mum.

These people who don’t have any patience or empathy really shouldn’t work with people… The bus driver needs more trainer!

This case from 2023 may be of interest to you. I am aware it took place in London but it still appears relevant to the discussion.
https://www.disabilitynewsservice.com/bus-company-settles-legal-action-over-wheelchair-space-humiliation/

This lady didn’t go to court did she? Arriva just paid her because essentially the drivers hadn’t asked the buggy users “is it possible to accommodate a wheelchair user to?”, if the driver had been told “no, there isn’t” the driver would be clear. Thst and being left at the stop, and other wrongdoings resulted in a smallish payout for Ms Grant, it didn’t change any laws for the greater good of the community.

Doug Pauley was on the news constantly about ten years ago. Didn’t First come to an agreement ultimately with him.

There is a man on u tube at the moment, he was on the BBC news a couple of weeks ago, and he was clearly told by the BBC and TfL, that the driver had done what she was supposed to, and him saying what he was saying was wrong. If the driver hadn’t of followed procedure, he would have being right.

The wheelchair rules sound rather toothless to me. In general I've noticed a lot of bus drivers that seem to resent stopping to pick people up and asking buggies to move for a wheelchair takes longer .