To tell my DS to put some blinkin clothes on….

[TheNaturalBronde]

My DS is 14 , he is on the ASD spectrum, has sensory processing disorder and compulsive issues surrounding food.Suspected ADHD and Dyslexia, fully verbal , emotional id say 2 yrs younger approximately than physical age.in mainstream school.
loves walking around in his underwear and has done it for a long time, it’s been a backburner battle with regards to his SPD but in the last year tbh I’ve been having regular conversations around the fact he is getting older now and it’s not really appropriate he be walking around in his underpants with everything hanging out , I’m not a monster I don’t mind in the morning but not all day,
Hygiene can be a bit of an issue aswell, having to prompt showers and be quite stern regarding body odour, if there’s no cotton to soak up the sweat it makes the odour worse.
He is carrying some extra weight because of issues with food regarding his condition and I’m also to some degree trying to protect him from other’s judgement I suppose but I’m also getting frustrated as it’s making me feel a bit ill sometimes, when there’s refusal to cover up and wash it’s not pleasant to be around.
do I do the sensitive approach or be firm on approach?

It will be hard to change but you're right that it can't go on forever.

My ds is the same, he tends to wear an oodie most of the time which isn't exactly pleasing to the eye but is decent. Anything with a waist band or material between the legs is a no go (at home) so the oodie it is.

Would he swap the underwear for shorts? Lots of boys I know including my own NT DS1 spend most of their lives in just shorts inside the house.

I think clothes would make the smell worse surely? The sweat permeates into the clothes and the bacteria breeds. I think it’s important to practice good hygiene, but walking around in the equivalent of swim shorts at a swimming pool I don’t see as a problem. Is your house very hot? Is that why they are sweating? I would look at getting a medical appointment as it’s odd for this time of year to want be in the equivalent of a bathing suit at home.

Sounds a little like you're body shaming him...

Clothes absorb sweat and make it stale and linger

His weight shouldn't come into it

As said above, gently try and encourage shorts at least. But at home, why can't he be in just shorts?

It’s not odd if you have Sensory Processing Disorder as the less fabric on your body the better and it is very uncomfortable for sufferers

I offer an oodie or baggy tshirt

I’m plus size myself so it’s not coming from a deliberately BS angle

however you only have to read the threads on here to deduce how horrifically judgemental people are towards overweight children & their families never considering nuance, I’ve navigated that world both irl and online for many years,
also about teaching being respectful of others I don’t want to see someone’s backside,etc hanging out it’s not pleasant I say it as tactfully as possible and talk about how he would react if I did the same.

Why is everything hanging out of his underpants?

And also, are you saying he walks round the house in them in front of guests?

Get him to use soap not shower gel - works so much better

My nearly 22 year still walks round in pants - they just do!

He will throw clothes on for visitors.

Well if he's at home then the only one judging him is YOU surely?

If his backside is hanging out then he needs bigger underwear anyway

And that's why I said can you divert him to shorts? Even thin cotton sleep ones or "lounge shorts". They are bigger than underwear but the same kind of fit

as he has sensory issues I think it’s fine to have him at home with just shorts, as long as he knows it’s appropriate to wear more clothes if there’s guests. ( try buy him a bigger style or size )
hygiene is different, id try and make a routine every morning and then with when he’s comes home or bedtime.

Let him be. Seriously, he is at home and wants to be comfortable, why do you care? It’s your issue

Wouldn't the clothes be washed?

OP, how would your son feel if able to go shopping, do you think he would be able or interested? He could perhaps feel the fabrics, look at longer shorts and perhaps ignite a little interest in more clothes than underpants.

Same with bath/shower things. Perhaps he would like to chose his own if he can smell the things. Even perhaps something fun from Lush, a bath bomb? A lot of children like that sort of thing.

Then it's our jobs as parents not to just remind them but to put the clean clothes in their hands ready to put on. Just because they're older doesnt mean a ND child will automatically do it. You said he's years younger mentally so you still need to help him. Also running a bath, get in it's ready. Just because they're a certain age you don't stop what's needed, because basically, they need it. Xxx

Overweight children often have overweight parents and if people are going to judge then they'll do it anyway, regardless of whether he's walking around in his underwear.

What you don't appear to be answering is why you haven't bought him correct fitting underwear, so everything is not 'hanging out', and who is going to see him anyway apart from immediate family he lives with?

Oh and turn the heating down.

I would be firm about the necessaty to shower , it's unpleasant for you to be around and why should you have to put up with it . I wouldn't like him walking around in underwear, shorts would be fine . Maybe you should walk around in knickers to get the message home that it's not pleasant for others .

Not a fucking chance you’d catch me talking about my child like you’re talking about yours. “Makes me feel a bit ill”, good lord.

some mixed responses in here the underwear is the correct size not sure where that idea has appeared from? 🤨

the way it’s being worn I.e low down like many teens if the shorts were worn slightly higher up wouldn’t be so much of an issue I don’t think.
I do want him to be comfortable ofc but there’s a line to tread as children get older

sometimes it’s a battle when visitors are here.
not just me in the house we are a family of 6

ive spent the last 10,11 years buying things from them to be rejected
reading the label to look at how much polyester/cotton content , having to wade the dark corners of the internet to find acceptable and often expensive underwear just purely so he will wear it under his uniform…only certain socks will be worn etc such is the life of an SEN SPD mum , it’s a long , hard slog …many will relate , maybe that’s why I’m get so frustrated with this I’ve been so accommodating for such a long time and it’s the first time I’m expecting him somewhat to meet me halfway.

How is everything hanging out if he has underpants on?

Sorry @Happyjoe nothing wrong with your comment at all just working through lots of complex layers i think

we did get smellies for Christmas

some mixed responses in here the underwear is the correct size not sure where that idea has appeared from?

It's appeared from you, telling us that 'everything is hanging out'.

Even if he wears them low, how is his penis, testicles and arse going to be hanging out?

That's fine, please don't apologise, really no need.
Hope things get better.

Friend of mine's grandchild refused to wear shoes for years, even in winter. She's non verbal, but after a couple of years socks were slowly accepted... and now, recently shoes! Finally found a couple of pairs that were liked. Little victories and you'll have them soon too :-)

I think it’s fairly normal for boys to live in shorts at home and if your teen is AS then it’s likely he’s not aware of being too cold or too hot (pick your relevant extreme!).
Because you’ve always accommodated him (no judgement - I know how much you have to pick your battles and generally only one at any one time) it’s going to be a bit of a slog to effect change. Personally I’d tackle the stinky first as smelly teenage boys are grim, and if you consider it may take a good few years to get this one hardwired, best to start soon.
if he dresses appropriately when in public then I wouldn’t worry about what he wears at home. At some point he may just decide to start wearing 3 pairs of underpants instead or going to bed fully clothed. I’ve lived through all that joy and more :-)

My son like walking around in swim shorts. I buy him the Marks & Spencer's swim shorts in the sales, he loves them as they have pockets.