Has lack of Premier Inn breakfast ruined the weekend?

[Liesmorelies]

I mean, it hasn't, not for me, but DH seems to feel otherwise and I don't know if I've been UR. We (us and two dc) were in London overnight to see a show. We would normally maximise our time in the city and leave maybe this sort of time on Sunday, but we've all been ill and still feel a bit tired and rundown and so agreed we'd leave after breakfast and maybe a walk/quick trip to a park or the river.

When I woke I realised our PI was about a 20 minute walk from Shoreditch market where I was sure there are loads of cafes and stalls. Although we normally have the PI breakfast I thought this would be a nice change and mean we would be doing what we had planned (quick trip to somewhere nice and a walk) and could then leave. Also looked up a particular cafe that looked nice. Everyone agreed - all fine.

When we arrived at the cafe there was a queue. DH immediately said in a moody way, 'That's that then,' and started huffing. I said let's walk up (we were at the end of the road) it might not be that bad, but he had walked off. We ended up wandering around the area with him getting increasingly grumpy. Sods law, we weren't really going past any suitable looking cafes, although I'm sure the area is full of them. We did see a Pret but I didn't want that.

We eventually saw a nice independent cafe where we were able to have porridge,pastries, toast and spreads, fresh juice and lovely coffee. We all ate but DH wouldn't stop going on about the bloody PI. Yes, I get that he would eat his body weight there and we ended up with a relatively small breakfast that probably cost more (though our kids are 16 and 18, so no more free PI breakfasts!) but what we had was lovely, the place was lovely, and a bit different, and, ffs, PI will still be there next time. I offered to look for another place or even a Greggs for him to 'top up,' but he went in full strop mode. DS1 loves a PI breakfast too and he didn't moan, and dd was wanting pancakes in the place with a queue but she didn't moan that she didn't end up getting them, it's just him acting like a child. He also moaned about the cost, saying PI breakfast would have done for lunch as well, but we were home in time for a late lunch and no one wanted food on the journey so it's like he's just looking for stuff to moan about.

We're home now but he has said he's sick of me making all the decisions, I'm fussy and nothing is good enough and I'm just hard work. He's gone for a run but it was an atmosphere all the way home. Did I do wrong - I get I could have looked at booking but to me it worked out fine in the end.

My husband wouldn’t sulk but living with and marrying a sulker is a choice. You can choose a non sulky man. If you choose a sulker there’s no point complaining about it. Most men I know prefer cooked breakfasts over fancy sour dough and pastries but wouldn’t sulk all day. That’s just dysfunctional

You do sound a bit bossy to be fair

They're fine & convenient. The last thing I want to do first thing in the morning is traipse about looking for some mythical 'better' place. You waste time, the 'better' places are always rammed & the rest not worth the hassle. I'm team DH.

Wow this thread has gone nuts!!

@Liesmorelies I think getting a more cultured breakfast while in London was a great idea and a good experience for the teens, and a nice contrast to having the usual PI breakfast.

Hubby is a man child. Was he hung over? Does the boy man need his mum wife to pack him snacks? I’d be tempted to leave him home next time. He clearly doesn’t have the same sense of adventure as you.

There does seem to be some underlying conversations that might be helpful to have with him though, or to try. The behaviour he role modelled that morning was not ok.

Glad the show was good! 👍🏻

@Liesmorelies Seems it’s your fault again….

Sadly, it seems quite a lot of men become sulkers, or much more sulky at least, as they age. But yes, the warning signs are probably there earlier on. Once you’re invested in though, it has to reach a tipping point for a drastic shake up.

Seriously though, have you started considering a life without hubby, OP? The kids are getting older… he does seem to be going down the miserable route… 🤷‍♀️

Come on, everyone was ill, grumpy and hungry.

Have you never been feeling that way and snapped or anything?

Look, everyone wasn't ill and grumpy. We've had colds, that's all. Only mentioned it as we would normally spend as much time as possible in wherever we've gone for the weekend on the Sunday, but people on here don't know that so maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. It's just I thought everyone might start saying why didn't you have the PI breakfast and then go for a nice lunch, and we weren't staying for lunch.

No one was grumpy other than dh. It's done now and we're over it. I'm not ending the marriage over it but if the sulking becomes a habit...

I work in the area and to be fair to OP, if it‘s the Pret I’m thinking of there isn’t really anywhere to sit in - so sulky H would still probably have been sulking about having to eat in the street!

We had 4 PI breakfasts over Christmas - all buffet style.

And to whoever thinks pastries, even ‘massive’ pastries, are a good substitute for anyone who enjoys a probably occasional, cooked breakfast, let me tell you, they’re not.

The worst full English I’ve had was at a fancy restaurant in a fancy part of London, and it was very expensive. Some of the best breakfasts (if you’re looking traditional English as opposed to Continental pastries) are the basic cafes.

Normal to be a bit grumpy in the moment but once you’ve eaten that should be the end of it. I’ve been grumpy when hungry and ended up eating somewhere I didn’t like at someone else's behest, but a voice in my head tells me to shut up and get over it because I know I could easily keep going on about it.

One persons sulking is another's legitimate annoyance.

It sounds like they were tired and well prepared for something that they looked forward to and then were dragged off script in the pursuit of loveliness.

If a Premier Inn breakfast is a fixture of staying in the Premier Inn, then probably better to inform them sometime well before of the new plan and get it agreed and expected rather than going for a change of course at the last minute.

"One persons sulking is another's legitimate annoyance.'"

An adult still being annoyed several hours later about not getting to eat breakfast where you wanted is not legitimate. It is childish sulking.

🙂🙂

Think, tbh, that if I was as hungry as some of them appeared to be I'd have wanted to grab something there - seating or no seating. Maybe a snack and then move on?

I'm not excusing sulking - lived with it with my ex wife - and it's horrible. But - on the face of it anyway - there seemed to be no consultation about whether or not to stop at Pret. Recognising that the husband had refused to queue before - which I sort of get when you probably don't know how long it may be and you are hungry

I think the husband should have probably stuck with PI - with whoever wanted to stay with him. But - from the story so far - I'm not sure it's 100% on him

Your last paragraph, pot and kettle spring to mind!

I think I'd have gone for the PI breakfast on this occasion. You said yourself that you were all feeling a bit rundown/ill.
I wouldn't have wanted to go traipsing out on the hunt for a breakfast when there's one right there. Especially when not feeling top-notch.
I'd have wanted to eat, then make an early escape for home. There'll be other trips for getting the fancy breakfast. It sounds like your DH felt a bit bulldozed by you.

Sorry op but that would have really pissed me off too. If I'm looking forward to something especially food and I don't get it I'm pissed off for ages. I get the rage if we go to a restaurant and I can't have pudding because we will miss our train or something shite

I think, for different reasons, both you and your husband contributed equally to Sunday being very difficult—but I don't think your whole weekend was ruined because of a PI breakfast. You’re both at fault, and neither of you comes out better than the other. For the sake of your marriage, you really need to communicate more.
He’s fed up because, rightly or wrongly, he feels you’re hard work: that you make most of the decisions, are quite fussy, and often complain that things aren’t good enough or keep changing the plans.
You’re fed up because he sulks, is lazy, doesn’t want to do much, never plans anything, and rarely makes suggestions.
Maybe he’s reluctant because he feels any ideas he has will be dismissed or changed anyway—so he wonders what the point is. You, on the other hand, are always looking to for different and more exciting things to do as a family to make the most of every outing.
That said, you both seem to have recovered from the very bad mood since leaving London on Sunday. Remember, Saturday was fine—it was really just Sunday that went wrong. These things happen.
So the weekend wasn’t ruined overall, as you all enjoyed the theatre. It’s possible the PI breakfast was the one thing your husband was really really looking forward to on Sunday, but went along with your suggestions as he did not want to split the family up. The PI breakfast was the only thing you were not looking forward to on Sunday and wanted to change to make it a more interesting day for the family.
Have a proper chat together. Maybe agree that he plans the next family trip/event and you promise not to change or criticise anything. Then you plan the one after, and he promises not to get upset, criticise, or sulk if you make changes. Then maybe in future you could plan the next one together!

There was nothing stopping him from booking breakfast if he really wanted to & going down early on his own then you all could've gone for a walk after he'd finished. He's being a tool, don't engage in his hissy fit if it happens again.

So it worked out fine for you in the end! That says it all really!

We're home now but he has said he's sick of me making all the decisions, I'm fussy and nothing is good enough and I'm just hard work.

It's clearly not just about the breakfast, then, is it?

It's about the fact that you want things your way all the time and the easiest option is never good enough for you.

Whether or not you think some toast and porridge in a cafe is better than a hot buffet at a Premier Inn is really neither here nor there; the point is that your husband didn't and he had to spend his morning walking around looking for something to eat when he'd really rather have just taken the easier option and had the breakfast he clearly fancied at the PI.

The breakfast is clearly only one example of many and you're focusing on it to deflect from your husband's real point, which is that you want things your way and everything has to be perfect and special and yes, I realise you say 'everyone agreed' but I suspect they were well aware that you wouldn't take no for an answer. 'Everyone agreed' very often means 'everyone went along with it because it was obviously what I wanted and they didn't want to argue'.

Every time anyone has made to try to make you see things from your DH's point of view, you've just argued and insisted that you're in the right about everything and that no other view is valid.

You do sound like hard work to me. Maybe you need to be a bit more sensitive to other people's feelings and views and accept that sometimes, things don't have to be perfect and the easier option is just fine.

So, stop going on about the breakfast and the sulking, and have a think about the whole dynamic of your relationship and your behaviour.

there seemed to be no consultation about whether or not to stop at Pret.

The convo went ds (I think): 'Oh there's a Pret, how about that?'
Me: 'Oh, not Pret, let's just look a bit further..'
Everyone else: 'Ok...'

Why?

I think the op is getting an unwarranted level of hostility on this thread.

She tried to do something nice for her family, it didn't work out quite as planned, but everybody got a nice breakfast in the end.

@Liesmorelies I would have given my DH (and indeed the kids if necessary) some slack at the point of finding a queue at the first cafe and having to wander around for another 15 mins - we all get tired and hangry from time to time.

BUT once you've found somewhere nice and breakfast is ordered, then he needs to settle down - and if he kept moaning I would have told him so (nicely at first 😀).

I have to say I wouldn't have put up ongoing sulking either - if my DP does that I say
"is that grumpy name talking? Cos if it is I don't want to talk to him, send him away"
(My DP has been known to stomp off though 😁)

However, your final paragraph worries me. I think there's something more going on than just a less-than-perfect breakfast - you might want to have a calm chat with your DH and see if you can find out what's bothering him.

Hmmm

He told you what he sees as an underlying problem - finding you hard work and you dismiss that and then say you got what you wanted and were happy so why is he upset.

He was an arse for sulking - no question - and long past the point he got food and I suspect most of the time he happy enough to let you drive decision making to point you are a bit fed up with that.

It's a basic communication issue - he need to speak not sulk and you need to actually listen not assume everyone happy to fall in with your plans or dimiss what they say when they do speak up.

I suspect it's only an issue now because everyone was tired and not at their best and there was some pressure to make most of the trip and resentments from both sides have been aired somewhat. Ideally you sit down and actually talk to each other and try and do better on both sides.