To not want to contribute to a house not in my name?

[Kate8889]

Before we got married or engaged, DH and were living in his small condo for 6 months.

His parents offered to buy us a house so we could have more room, a street away from them that had just gone on sale.

I didn't see anything terribly wrong with this, but now I wish we'd gotten a mortgage and done everything ourselves.

We have two children together (genetically his but not mine due to needing IVF and egg donor, probably not relevant) and if my husband passes the house goes to me, but I have been contributing here and there for repairs, like a new roof and a new door to the sunroom. I also pay my share of utilities/food/real estate taxes etc.

I just feel like I'm investing in something that I realistically have no rights to (at least at this point), although my husband points out we don't have a mortgage and so I'm able to save more because of that.

Every time I ask when I can get my name put on the deed for my own feeling of safety, he says something non-committal.

We have been married since 2021. Am I being ungrateful and unreasonable?

Well on the one hand you are getting a roof over your head without paying rent or mortgage, have an ability to save as a result, and would be entitled to half the appreciated value if you split.

So that's quite a good position to be in.

But I wouldn't put more capital investment in (e.g roof) without adding to your security.

And your savings, would he be entitled to half your savings if you split?

If the house is paid for via loans against the family trust I can see why he (maybe under influence of his parents) is reluctant to give away half.

Honestly: between you you are doing well if you have no rent or mortgage to pay and have a home.

Have you got kids? You get the house anyway should the worst happen to your DH so you have security there. Is there a life insurance policy too?

It all sounds rather tricky and confusing OP!

So if you divorce, you'll get half the equity, and if your husband dies, you get his house, and in the meantime you're benefitting from free housing and some energy/food bills?

It sounds great, why not buy your own buy-to-let as other posters suggested?

Real estate taxes are taxes on real estate

Great explanation 😂

Meh, my mom has one and it's really not worth the hassle with price of repair services these days

OP has said she gets half the increase of equity should they split. Not half the house. So a million dollar house that's increased by 10k, she gets 5k, not 505k

That's correct

Yes, and years of free housing, sounds good, who wouldn't want that?
(She hasn't mentioned wanting to divorce anyway)

Not sure how much legal advice you'd get on this predominantly UK site though.

Op you need to push him more for security for you and the kids tell him you feel your being deliberately excluded by not being on the deeds your married with children the least he can do is get you some security especially as you contribute to the house. Tell him you feel like a tenant paying rent and he told you once you had kids you would be added but it does sound like he’s stringing you along. Have you seen proof that you get the house if he passes?

Yes we made wills before kids were born and everything goes to the surviving spouse

I think thats fair though...she is benefitting from being mortgage free and being able to save. Presumably, if dh parents had not done what they did, she wouldn't be in such a good position?

I don’t really understand all the PP saying ‘how dare you expect half the house if you split up, you haven’t contributed to it’. The point here is, neither did her DH, and as far as I’m concerned if parents gift a house to their married children, they’re gifting it to the pair of them. OP has children with this man, they are a family. If they break up, those children will need a home, and she’d been robbed of the right to contribute to and own the home she lives in, leaving her both more vulnerable in the case of a split and less financially secure in general as she’s not saving towards an asset. What if she has taken more time off for childcare so her income earning potential has been impacted during the relationship?
I really believe if wealthy parents genuinely wanted to gift financial support (rather than manipulate and control) they would gift money rather than a property that comes with strings.

Probably worth finding out from people with knowldge of US family law to be honest.

@Kate8889Mumsnet is a UK based platform and most won’t know much about your situation in the US. I’m guessing it might differ depending on which state you live in too. Over here I don’t think it would matter too much whos name are on the deeds if legally married. It would still be expected to be split fairly in the event of a divorce.

edited.

You need to update your Wills after having kids.

I would get half the appreciated value of the house if we split

This is different from "increase in equity"!

Have you had legal advuce regarding the above?

Yes I'm working, and with rentals stuff breaks (my mom owns one) and you have to go and fix it (take time off work if it's a leak or something urgent) and I can't do that at the moment because I do 90% of sick child pickups from daycare, any repairs and my work would not be happy.

Each of your estate goes to each other as per your wills - but does your husband own the house? Or is it owned by the trust and as such not his to will to you?

You need to get some legal advice on where you stand and what security you have.
If you have no security and won't get any perhaps you can ask your husband if you and he can buy a house in the usual way with a mortgage and the trust can sell or rent out the current house. Perhaps your husband could receive the rent money if it was rented out.

He owns the house and I'd get it if he passes

Your H is running with the hare and the hounds. He knows full well his parents bought that house for him alone and they (and no doubt he) want to sageguard that asset for him should you split up. He also knows full well that you will complain about this. So he's taking the cowards way of fobbing you off with after 5 years, after DC etc.
You need to face that this is his asset, not yours (unless you divorce and the law where you are is in your favour) and sort your own finances out.
I do tend to agree with other posters who feel you've a pretty good deal here, so make the most of the money it's saving you.

If he said that up front I would have pushed for us to buy a house the traditional way so that we would be on a more equal footing and both invest in it equally together, even if it cost in interest. Maybe that's silly.

If you were a man you’d be called a cocklodger

Really not sure why you are asking this on a UK
site tbh

Because I only wanted to pay utilities/food/taxes and not for renovations on a property I don't own?