To not want to contribute to a house not in my name?

[Kate8889]

Before we got married or engaged, DH and were living in his small condo for 6 months.

His parents offered to buy us a house so we could have more room, a street away from them that had just gone on sale.

I didn't see anything terribly wrong with this, but now I wish we'd gotten a mortgage and done everything ourselves.

We have two children together (genetically his but not mine due to needing IVF and egg donor, probably not relevant) and if my husband passes the house goes to me, but I have been contributing here and there for repairs, like a new roof and a new door to the sunroom. I also pay my share of utilities/food/real estate taxes etc.

I just feel like I'm investing in something that I realistically have no rights to (at least at this point), although my husband points out we don't have a mortgage and so I'm able to save more because of that.

Every time I ask when I can get my name put on the deed for my own feeling of safety, he says something non-committal.

We have been married since 2021. Am I being ungrateful and unreasonable?

Are his parents on the deeds or is he?

He is the only one on the deed but it was bought via a loan against a family trust and he claims that's why it's difficult to put my name on the deed until that's been all paid off via gains from investments.

Are you in the UK?

Are you in England?

Could you invest in a small rental with the money you are saving?

I am in the US

I think that’s not quite right. Are your finances separate? Do marital assets get split in your area if you split?

I would get half the appreciated value of the house if we split, so if it goes up by 100 I get 50 etc. Finances separate except for shared expenses where we contribute proportionally to our salaries.

Then it will depend upon what state you live in as to what spousal property rights you have. As this is predominantly a UK site the answers you receive might not take into account the differences in the legal systems and your rights.

Personally I would not contribute financially to any of the maintenance or improvements and ensure I had an escape fund preferably enough to house my children, by putting my money into savings and investments in my name only. And I wouldn't be telling my husband that's what I'm doing.

Well that's fair then isn't it. Don't understand why you have an issue with this. If you split, why do you think you should be entitled to half the equity when you never paid for it?

You want to live there for nothing and still take half the value and get it if he passes. Wow.

But you have not paid any money towards the house. It was a gift to your husband, not you. His parents are wary that if you split with your name on the deeds, you've then taken half their sons house. Which absolutely could happen.
You're paying no rent. So can't you buy yourself a house? And surely you should pay for the upkeep, in place of rent?
Why should you love completely rent/mortgage free?

To be honest, I see your DH's point, if the house was brought for your husband by his parents, then it seems fair that your name is not on it. As for your contributions - most of what you are contributing (your share of food/utilities etc) you would be contributing in any house (rental even), and if you are paying towards an occasional roof/door repair, that would only offset some of the rental-free/mortgage-free financial benefits you are getting. I would be cautious about not paying for big renovations though.

Also, as for your feeling of safety - since you are married, if you are in a communal property state in the US, presumably you will get 50% if you split up anyway, and you've said if he dies, you will get it. So what eventuality are you worried about?

It more of the lack of transparency and honesty, he said before he bought the house, I'd be added after we have kids then after 5 years etc.

You will get what you are entitled
to via your marriage and contributing to repairs is just because you live there and don’t have to pay rent or a mortgage. I wouldn’t be paying huge sums for repairs in your position and you should take up your husband’s advice to save more in your own name. But I don’t think you’re being hard done by just because you aren’t on the deeds.

Are you paying off the loan debt? If not then you are not investing in the equity of the house you are just making reasonable contributions to maintenance and upkeep. You need to both get your name on the deeds and start paying off the debt and I really don't see why this couldn't happen. Perhaps get independent legal advice and then raise it more firmly with your dh.

I'm no expert but I do believe that what he says about trust money is true. They are designed to keep wealth within the original family.

I don't think he's necessarily out of line, but if this family operates a trust they presumably understand how it works and that info should have been made clear to you before your family made this move.

In any case I think you're right to be troubled by this in terms of your own security.
Probably wise to seek professional advice about how this could unfold and ways forward.

Yes, that would worry me too. So, the question isn't really about your investing in a property that is not in your name, but about transparency/care/communication with your partner. Does this come through in other areas too or is he mostly like this only with money?

Sounds like you're in a good position. House is paid for and you get half if you split.
It costs money to live. I'm not sure of your reasoning behind not wanting pay anything and live there entirely for free.

I would go back to him and say that you have paid for various things for the house, so he has a choice, name on deed or you want that money back as you shouldn’t be investing in something you don’t own. Likewise you won’t be contributing to any work required on the house moving forward. He/the trust can pay for it

Save your money and buy a rental so you, too, have something of your own.

Well the roof replaced was 12k and probably the same for various other small projects altogether over the last 5 years. I am happy to pay taxes and utilities

I also pay my share of utilities/food/real estate taxes etc.

Well, obviously you should be paying your share of utilities and food! What are real estate taxes for?

I would use the money you are saving by not having rent/mortgage to pay each month and invest it wisely. I wouldn't be paying for roof repairs etc

I think you are right to be cautious OP. Pay for household bills only, no money on upkeep or improvements. If you afford to save, do so.

Real estate taxes are taxes on real estate for us about 5k a year