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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Language Timothy!

125 replies

ForGoldFoxy · 17/01/2026 18:23

This has never happened to me before so I'm a bit thrown. 1 year relationship - suddenly he's unhappy with my accent and how I pronounce certain words. For context I'm a working class woman who's moved about - I've got a little bit of a northern twang but mainly southern. I used to do a fair bit of public speaking -mainly to Health Professionals - as part of my job and although I'm not half as clever as the wonderful Cathy Burke that's sort of how I sound. I can hold my own in a conversation but I never try to sound 'posh' . So if I'm working or with people I don't know well I tend to be a little more guarded in my speech - no slang, no bad language However with close friends and family when I'm relaxed I do use glottal stops and very occasionally swear - usually for comedic effect. This is what's rubbing him up the wrong way. To keep the peace in that moment (a few days ago) when he was telling me how much he's always hated my speech I agreed to try and stop using glottal stops but immediately since I've feel like I've betrayed myself. Also it's proving really difficult to change my 'at home in my comfies' voice. For example - at home I will say "a glass of wa'er" instead of water also "be'er (better) is another example and that's pretty much the extend of my transgressions and his issue. He's getting really quite angry about this which hurts a lot as my beloved Dad and my loud, funny Aunties who brought me up also speak like this. I feel really attacked and I'm not speaking to him at the moment. Thoughts please.

OP posts:
Sanasaaa · 17/01/2026 18:26

Tell him he's dumped/ get in the fucking bin/ get tae fuck
Tell him it's because you're not attracted to him at all anymore, mainly because of [whatever feature he is proud of].

Shit men aren't for dating, enjoy life.

MinestroneMacaroni · 17/01/2026 18:26

Why are you with this charmer?

Seymorbutts · 17/01/2026 18:27

“getting angry about how you speak” wtf?! He sounds like your parent trying to get their child to speak “properly”. Major, major red flag for future emotional abuse and control ime. Please don’t change any part of yourself for this pompous, controlling man. Tell him if he doesn’t like who you are he can fuck off!

MissCooCooMcgoo · 17/01/2026 18:29

Ewwwwww dump dump dump honey. You can do so much better.

Rosybud88 · 17/01/2026 18:31

I’d be telling him to fuck off personally.

Seymorbutts · 17/01/2026 18:31

Although, that said, if you’ve been putting on a posh accent for the past year with him, I can see how it might come as a bit of a shock if he’s suddenly discovering you speak different to that. But a reasonable reaction might be to be a bit hurt and pissed off that you felt the need to pretend to be someone else with him. However he’s shown his true colours for judging you for having an accent. I really wouldn’t want to be with someone like that

SparklyBrickViper · 17/01/2026 18:31

Tell him to get in the bin.

Cheeky tw@t.

Kleptronic · 17/01/2026 18:32

Yeah tell him to fuck right off, the fucking nerve of it! You speak how you speak end of. Be proud of who you are, don't try and change your voice for anyone.

angelcake20 · 17/01/2026 18:32

I couldn’t be with someone who did not speak “properly”, but would never have been on a first date, let alone lasted a year. Odd to have got this far and then decide to object.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/01/2026 18:33

Stay no contact with the prick.

He hates the sound of your voice.

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 17/01/2026 18:33

Hmm....what else might he suddenly criticise you for I wonder? You can't help the way you talk and trying to speak in your 'telephone' voice all the time is impractical.

thistimelastweek · 17/01/2026 18:36

Apart from the snobbery and all the rest of it, it's just not possible to sustain a change in your natural speech pattern.
You're on a hiding to nothing if you stick with this guy.

menopausalfart · 17/01/2026 18:38

I wouldn't let anyone chip away at who I am to suit them. Hope you don't have too much invested.

ForGoldFoxy · 17/01/2026 18:38

Did you read my post? I sound like Cathy Burke 😂 I couldn't put on a posh voice even if I wanted to - I have always spoken like this it's just now he's decided to tell me that he's "always hated my accent and it's driven him mad from the beginning" .

Thanks for the advice tho... 👍

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 17/01/2026 18:38

If he’s going make such a big deal of this I don’t think he’s really going to give you the respect that should be part of a good relationship; Next!

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 17/01/2026 18:40

Dropping Ts like that would drive me nuts but it's not two for him to marry you then complain

SoScarletItWas · 17/01/2026 18:40

ForGoldFoxy · 17/01/2026 18:38

Did you read my post? I sound like Cathy Burke 😂 I couldn't put on a posh voice even if I wanted to - I have always spoken like this it's just now he's decided to tell me that he's "always hated my accent and it's driven him mad from the beginning" .

Thanks for the advice tho... 👍

Then I would reply ‘Well that was a waste of an entire year of both of us then’ and send him on his merry way.

Vaxtable · 17/01/2026 18:41

It’s not going to work. If he can’t accept you how you are then that’s his problem not yours

tobe anyone asking someone to change is a red flag, it will get worse

dump

LookingThroughGlass · 17/01/2026 18:42

If he can't accept something as basic as your accent, he is not for you. His attitude sounds snobby. I could understand someone who didn't like swearing, but accents, no - and that would be the same if he thought you sounded too 'posh'.

watchadewin · 17/01/2026 18:42

Nooooo - get rid!

my ExH started off disliking my laugh, the vocabulary I used, the way I held my knife, the fact that I used to smoke years before we actually met etc. It turned into years of negging that simply destroyed my confidence and mental health.

Your accent is just the start, my lovely. Get rid before it escalate.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/01/2026 18:43

Gigantic red flag. Incredibly controlling. At least he’s shown you who he is now.

Dump!

Egglio · 17/01/2026 18:44

What would your loud, funny aunties say?

As I'm also from that part of London, I'm going to guess they would say 'If you don't like it, you know where the fucking door is, ya stuck up cunt.'

So I would go with that.

ShawnaMacallister · 17/01/2026 18:44

Bin him off. What a cunt.

WearyAuldWumman · 17/01/2026 18:44

Oh good grief.

I'm a coal miner's daughter. My uni boyfriend attended a private school. He got his degree, but he wasn't that bright in many ways.

He told me that he thought my middle name 'common'.

He told me off for putting a donation from my first wage packet into a collecting tin for striking miners. (The Thatcher era.)

I have no idea why I didn't dump him sooner.

user2848502016 · 17/01/2026 18:45

Tell him to F off in your strongest accent! What an idiot

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