Language Timothy!

[ForGoldFoxy]

This has never happened to me before so I'm a bit thrown. 1 year relationship - suddenly he's unhappy with my accent and how I pronounce certain words. For context I'm a working class woman who's moved about - I've got a little bit of a northern twang but mainly southern. I used to do a fair bit of public speaking -mainly to Health Professionals - as part of my job and although I'm not half as clever as the wonderful Cathy Burke that's sort of how I sound. I can hold my own in a conversation but I never try to sound 'posh' . So if I'm working or with people I don't know well I tend to be a little more guarded in my speech - no slang, no bad language However with close friends and family when I'm relaxed I do use glottal stops and very occasionally swear - usually for comedic effect. This is what's rubbing him up the wrong way. To keep the peace in that moment (a few days ago) when he was telling me how much he's always hated my speech I agreed to try and stop using glottal stops but immediately since I've feel like I've betrayed myself. Also it's proving really difficult to change my 'at home in my comfies' voice. For example - at home I will say "a glass of wa'er" instead of water also "be'er (better) is another example and that's pretty much the extend of my transgressions and his issue. He's getting really quite angry about this which hurts a lot as my beloved Dad and my loud, funny Aunties who brought me up also speak like this. I feel really attacked and I'm not speaking to him at the moment. Thoughts please.

He's got the ick I'm afraid OP, it's irrational, but there it is. There's no going back from it, so you might as well get in before him and break up. He may have his eyes on someone else, he may just have gone off you, but either way, it's over.

Awa' with 'e, the eejit.

Good start with not speaking to him. Now finish the job and get rid of the rude twat.

Who the hell does he think he is dictating how you speak, Henry fucking Higgins?

If you've done public speaking, your accent is fine.

Immediate dump. He thinks you're not good enough for him and he's just shown he's wildly controlling and abusive because he gets mad about it.

You're you. Don't ever try and change yourself for someone else.
Feel a bit sad that you tried to stop "doing" certain parts of your accent, why? To appease him?
Stuff that.
If he doesn't like you for who you are, stuff him.
Get rid.

Bin.

I once when I had been with the company only a few weeks and was fresh out of school, had a manager who said my accent was too broad...he was a complete bell end so I ignored him and had a successful career.

This sounds so controlling from this bloke that personally I'd run

Pick something he has always had and means nothing and tell him you’ve always hated it. I can’t imagine DP Caring at all how I speak because it doesn’t matter at all. I Imagine he speaks like a male Judi dench? Either he’s a plain cunt or he’s trying to control everything about you so you walk on eggshells, including something so innate in you like a fucking accent. Hope his face meets a pavement.

I grew up on an East London council estate so can very much sound like Kathy Burke but I rein it in for work etc. My husband speaks “properly” but has never once told me my accent annoys him, he’ll laugh when I come home from seeing my friends every so often because he says I go full East London but he is never mean.

Bin him off, he isn’t for you.

When my uni boyfriend slagged off my middle name, I replied with " You know what they say: Duncan make your grass grow!"

Apparently a private school education didn't allow him to understand the jibe. Yes, he and I are both Scottish.

"he was telling me how much he's always hated my speech"

And you want to stay in a relationship with this man? He looks down on you. If you change yourself for him he will value you less for it.

My accent is 900 years old and older than most Southern English accents. My use of glottal stops and northern sounds is ‘proper’ for my heritage.

No one gets the ick after a year of being with someone. You get the ick after max a few months of dating and there’s no coming back from it. Sounds much more like he’s showing his true colours- a snobby, critical, potentially controlling man

no one should judge you for who you are. He isn't the right man for you.

TBH. I would bet if it wasn’t your voice it would be something else. He’s putting you in your box in a very hurtful way. You have it end it.

There is only misery and resentment for you if you stay

Of course they do - haven't you read the ick threads on here? People get it after decades of being with their husbands sometimes.

What an absolute weirdo. Your voice is part of you. If he asked you to cut all your hair off and dye it a different colour as he's always hated it, would you be giving that consideration? I would hope not and the same is true of this. Bin him and say he doesn't like you for you and that's the end of it.

To be honest he sounds an ignorant snobbish twat. You can do better than this fool.
Look for someone better who will accept you as you are. Leave him to the vacuous people who will speak as he wants them too. I use the word vacuous because that is all he will attract. Strong independent women will tell him to fuck off.

He’s got the ick. This is doomed.

Seriously who the fuck does he think he is?! Get him in the bin!

Find some words that he says 'incorrectly'. Because I can guarantee he'll have some, there's no such thing as a neutral accent

Oh and then dump him

Why, oh, why do people post ridiculous absolutes like this 🙄

I think this is an example of 'what you tolerate at the beginning is what will split you up in the end.'.

And its usually stuff like this. Small, seemingly innocuous habits/behaviours/patterns that seem liveable with, or even quirky and endearing in the early days due to their novelty, can turn into sources of rage once the rose tinted glasses have come off and the 'ick' (hate that word!) sets in. And there's no time limit for that.

I'd end it, OP. You can't change your speech patterns - they're part of who you are. And he is only going to become more irritated by it.

And, to those calling him a prick or whatever, most of us can't help the little thing that just puts us off someone. It doesn't even need to he a fault or a problem just something that takes hold.

If you love and fancy someone, their idiosyncrasies (like an unusual accent but also other things) are adorable, not irritating.

He's not that into you (any more) so time for him to piss off

That’s not the ick. That’s contempt. It comes from becoming over-familiar with someone. Suddenly you hate the way your partner chews or breathes or puts their socks on. The ick is feeling a little grossed out by seeing someone do something for the first time. Eg. The way they wipe the corners of their mouth with a napkin. Not becoming annoyed over time at the way your partner wipes the corners of their mouth with a napkin. Maybe people on here lump them both together but to me they’re very different things.

And, to those calling him a prick or whatever, most of us can't help the little thing that just puts us off someone. It doesn't even need to he a fault or a problem just something that takes hold

The thing that makes him a prick is how he's brought it up with op, trying to "fix" her, rather than making a polite exit from the relationship