Nanny additional holidays

[Thingything]

Hoping for a sense check on this one.

Husband and I both work full time and kids have SEN so can’t do after school clubs (special school doesn’t have them) or holiday camps so we’ve always had to employ a nanny. We always have good relationships with them, and have them basically on a full time contract with 25 days paid holiday etc. During term time when kids are in school they get lots of free time and then in holidays its full on.

All of our nannies have been childfree and so tend to use their annual leave days in termtime when travel is cheaper. That’s actually good for us as we don’t need to take time off work to cover - we just make it work with pick ups from school taking turns and logging on in the evening etc.

The AIBU is this. We take our holidays in the school holidays, which means our nannies always get way more annual leave effectively than their contracts allow. Because they take their days in termtime (which is good for us anyway because if they took it in school hols at a time we weren’t going away we’d have to take leave to stay home with kids) and then we take our holidays in the school holidays. Well, some school holidays - kids get 20 weeks a year of school hols and we have 5 weeks from our employers.

Every holiday, this drives my husband nuts that we are going away and paying someone to not work. He always tries to devise tasks like getting the nanny to come in and sort out kids’ toys or uniform or whatnot whilst we’re away to make the most of the fact we’re paying them. I think this is petty and ridiculous and if we want to go away we just suck it up. It’s fine, we’re paying anyway regardless whats the drama, and extra holidays is kind of one of the perks of being a SEN nanny which is a hard job.

He thinks I’m a pushover and always too worried about upsetting people.

AIBU?

If nanny gets 25 days holiday, she gets to choose some days but you also choose some days. So the week your family are away from home could be 5 days from Nanny’s holiday allowance. It is not on top of her allowance.

Yes - you choose three weeks of her holiday dates ( school holidays when you are away) and she can choose 2 weeks. This this standard .

perfectly reaonable to ask her to do child related tasks if you are away for more than the 3 weeks of shared holiday.

It’s always worked for me that we pick half the days and they pick half the days. In reality they have always ended up with more holiday than the allowance and I’ve always just viewed that as a perk of the job

however, my nanny never took the piss or dropped me in it so I never had an issue with it. Flexibility went both ways

Yep we get 10 days our choice.

But with 5 weeks’ each of annual leave and we both want to be away-away for all of them so thats way more than 10 days.

So nanny ends up usually 3-4 weeks extra leave.

And one of husband’s suggestions is we just don’t go on holiday to make sure we are making the most of paid childcare which seems bizzarre and cutting-nose-off territory.

We used ti choose half of the days, and iur nanny chose the other half. Any additional holidays we took were paid in full (and we didn’t come up with silly tasks..) and any additional chosen by her were not paid. We were in the same situation as you and our nanny had lots of extra paid hols!

Yeah this is my perspective. When someone’s alone with your kids - especially ones with additional needs - it pays to keep them happy and well rested

I’ve always had a split in my contract where I choose half my holidays and my employer can decide where the allocation falls on the rest, which usually involves two weeks in summer.

IF they plan more holidays and means it I get more days then my contract dictates then I might come in for say a day or two to batch cook or sort some children’s toys out but that’s at a time of my planning and choosing. Outside of that, if I’m available for my normal working hours and my employer has chosen not to use me because they’re away, then yes absolutely I expect to be paid, this is my livelihood, my bills don’t pause just because the family I work for have gone on holiday. (Not saying this is what your husband expects but I’ve been asked to have my leave unpaid before in this situation !) I wouldn’t expect any ill feeling over that or have to go in to wander the rooms aimlessly and find non-child-related jobs to do just so someone can justify my salary.

on the other hand I’m very reliable and don’t take the piss at all with time off requests, lateness or sick days, I will come in early or stay late on occasion if I can accommodate it, so I don’t feel I should be begrudged extra holiday if my services happen to not be required as my employers are away!

This is just one of the things that happens when you choose this type of childcare. He needs to understand that having a nanny gives you greater flexibility when you are working and the extra holiday is the price you pay for it

not going on holiday so you get your moneys worth is nuts! Has he really thought that through? Or is he telling you he doesn’t actually like going on holiday so much

Your husband sounds fun.
Honestly, this is a great perk and I bet the nanny sees it that way.
Having said that, you could make it official. So either have some of your holidays count as part of her annual leave (but I would feel mean doing that) or stipulate that on your days away nanny needs to do some professional development: like renewing her first aid training etc.

If you're away for a week and it's a bonus week of leave for your nanny then I don't think it's outrageous to have some extra tasks like sorting out toys etc on one of the days but I wouldn't try to fill the whole week.

I’m with you.

Team nanny all the way.

I have concluded I am not the unreasonable one haha.

Husband generally a good egg but on money things he has a blind spot and can be really unreasonable!

He sounds like someone who would spend a fiver to save a pound

He LOVES holidays! The man lives to travel.

But I don’t know if other husbands do this but sometimes he just gets a bee in his bonnet about something and the extra holidays thing annoys him and each year it annoys him more and more and he will not let it drop (with me. I have forbidden him from raising it with nanny as I think he’s being ridiculous… he thinks I’m a pushover and on and on we go)

That is ABSOLUTELY HIM 🤣

An additional thought, this is the kind of job where everyone involved needs to like each other or it becomes a miserable experience.
I hope your husband is not bellyaching in front of the nanny about this. If I was in their position, this kind of penny pinching from the boss would put a strain in the relationship.

My DH is the same. If I’m on holiday I would often let the nanny leave early/not come in because I wanted to spend time with the kids and he would have preferred I spent the day doing nothing with the kids so the nanny had something to do 🙄

I'm a nanny (a very good one) and this is an absolute NO from me. I wouldn't work for you with this policy.

If there are things that actually NEED to be done then of course, but to try and find things just to spite the person who looks after your kids is...well it's indicative of a person that I don't want anything to do with.

If your child/children were in private nursery you would be paying no matter what, if you were lucky you may get two weeks without paying, but some even charge for Bank hols.

Does the nanny ever go above and beyond: stay late when you and husband run late, include you in her cooking even if she only has to cook for the kids, go to school plays/ assemblies in her personal time because the kids want her there, buys thoughtful Christmas/ birthday gifts with her own money, cancelled a day off to help you with sudden illness/ emergency. (Not saying that a nanny SHOULD do any of these things,but a lot of the times they end up giving more than they have to because this job works better if you don't treat it like just a business transaction)
Perhaps, point out all the extra stuff you more than likely get without being presented with an itemized invoice, to help your husband see what a great deal you are actually getting.
A nanny job works best, if both sides treat it like a give and take situation.

Take the nanny on holiday too - personalised kids club and babysitter!

Yes of course if you are paying nanny to work it makes sense for her to come in and sort toys and clothes etc. if she cooks as part of her job I would be getting her to batch cook during this period too. When we go on holiday our cleaners get long term cleaning / sorting jobs.

My nanny was very efficient and I’m not really sure what jobs she could have done while we were away. What does sorting toys actually mean?

You say that you already pick 10 of her days for her so thats 2 weeks worth that you are getting the choice on which i think is fair enough.
Is the 25 days annual leave in addition to bank holidays? If in the UK the minimum days including bank hols is 28 days. It's not really the nanny's problem that you choose to go away 5 weeks of the year though. If her job normally involves duties such as organising the kids rooms, clothes, etc then its not unreasonable to ask her to do tasks like that when you are away with the kids. Maybe twice yearly sort through clothes etc to see what is needed. I would be cautious of asking her to do any tasks that would tip her over into housekeeper / cleaning territory if that isnt something that she dies normally.

Oooh ok so this gets to the bottom of maybe why he thinks i’m a pushover.

So yes and no to your questions. All the nannies we’ve had have been lovely and will definitely flex. But I would never ever have them do anything as a goodwill gesture - so if they come to the kids’ assemblies or things I’d always pay overtime without being asked. I figure it’s their livelihood so I always stay whiter than white on making sure every minute extra worked is paid and every penny of expenses reimbursed instantly. So there isn’t much give and take from that perspective. But I want to be a good employer

I would take it to mean, ho through all the toys. Check for any damage, safety concerns. Weed out any toys that are outgrown and perhaps take them to the charity shop. A general clean up and tidy of the children's toys. Assuming that it is in her contract to do such tasks. The same with clothes check through their wardrobes for anything starting to get too small. Do an inventory of what needs to be purchased in the next size / season.