Nanny additional holidays

[Thingything]

Hoping for a sense check on this one.

Husband and I both work full time and kids have SEN so can’t do after school clubs (special school doesn’t have them) or holiday camps so we’ve always had to employ a nanny. We always have good relationships with them, and have them basically on a full time contract with 25 days paid holiday etc. During term time when kids are in school they get lots of free time and then in holidays its full on.

All of our nannies have been childfree and so tend to use their annual leave days in termtime when travel is cheaper. That’s actually good for us as we don’t need to take time off work to cover - we just make it work with pick ups from school taking turns and logging on in the evening etc.

The AIBU is this. We take our holidays in the school holidays, which means our nannies always get way more annual leave effectively than their contracts allow. Because they take their days in termtime (which is good for us anyway because if they took it in school hols at a time we weren’t going away we’d have to take leave to stay home with kids) and then we take our holidays in the school holidays. Well, some school holidays - kids get 20 weeks a year of school hols and we have 5 weeks from our employers.

Every holiday, this drives my husband nuts that we are going away and paying someone to not work. He always tries to devise tasks like getting the nanny to come in and sort out kids’ toys or uniform or whatnot whilst we’re away to make the most of the fact we’re paying them. I think this is petty and ridiculous and if we want to go away we just suck it up. It’s fine, we’re paying anyway regardless whats the drama, and extra holidays is kind of one of the perks of being a SEN nanny which is a hard job.

He thinks I’m a pushover and always too worried about upsetting people.

AIBU?

Nannies and Au Pairs bring out the absolute worst in some people.

I think maintaining a good relationship with someone who loves and cares for your children is worth a few weeks extra holiday. Tell your DH it's going to cost you a lot more to replace your nanny when he drives her away by cancelling her holiday entitlement. Not to mention that your SEN kid probably loves and values her and would be distressed if she were forced out by your husband and his penny-pinching ways.

I've been a nanny and had families that give me the extra holidays and families that didn't. I've also been on holiday with the families too.

When I was given tasks they were always things that did need doing but neither working parents nor a nanny with babies/pre-school had time to do. Things like batch cooking, sorting clothes, reorganising the playroom etc. I honestly didn't mind doing it because those days were super chilled and I could have the TV or a podcast on and I was free to work my hours as I wished (so I could go in first thing in the morning, meet a friend for lunch or something and then work twice as much the next day etc).

I obviously loved having the odd week off here and there when the family travelled too though! Having some notice was a huge bonus so I could coordinate a holiday for myself but I was never going to complain about being paid to stay home! There was a fair bit of "given and take" as mentioned up thread though. Although I also had that with other families - it just manifested itself differently.

Your husband is not unreasonable but I don't think a streamlined wardrobe or a week's worth of meals in the freezer is worth risking a good and happy nanny for!

I will say I did quite like the odd day coming in to batch cook when my last family where on holiday- I’d get all the ingredients myself (at their expense obviously) choose what to cook and get to use their amazing kitchen, my previous family even said I could do my own batch cooking alongside (so just buy a bit extra for my own dishes and not include that in their expenses) whack some music on, sometimes I’d spend an evening there and have a glass of wine or two (they used to leave me a bottle!) it was actually one of my favourite parts of my time off 🤣

But it was totally relaxed, I could choose when I would come in and do it , and if I said I wasn’t able to for any reason there would have been no drama.

I had a family before that that REALLY made use of me when they were away- as in, a huge list of things to get done- sort all children’s clothes, stitch school uniform labels for the new term, lint roller all wardrobe items, mend things, go through the LEGO boxes and sort (a bloody thankless task if ever there was one) oversee any house maintenance or garden work, sort and catalog schoolwork, sort all children’s art work and put them all in a folder, alphabetically sort books, do 10X charity shop runs, batch cook plus make all after school snacks for freezer, so porridge bars, scones, make granola… it went on and on 🤣 and they had a ring doorbell, so knew when I’d been in and out. Once I came in at 2pm and left at 6 and they actually pulled me up on not spending a full day doing chores within my contract hours of 10-6 then added more for me to do the next day 🫠

This and I worry that in some cases, nannies are overworked, underpaid and exploited.
I've had work colleagues whose expectations and taking for granted was astonishing.

In every employment scenario, there are givers and takers.
I've worked for a public organisation and observed extreme examples of this.

28 days paid holiday is the legal minimum - for your information.

Listening to other Nanny’s on here, I think you should do an imbetween . Have the nanny do some hours (you can choose the amount with them choosing when to do them) whilst your away but they get some extra time off aswell.

That’s including bank holidays so if you get bank holidays off then it’s only 20.

If it were me ... I'd advertise the job at 40 days holiday (25 you choose and 15 they choose). You will be inundated with applicants.

Yes, I'm aware of this.

I have been a nanny for 20 years and we always have 50%/50% rule in our contracts. If the family chooses to go away more i still get paid. I was always able to choose when i take my 50%of holiday allowance. It is ridiculous to dictate 100% of holiday allowance to a nanny, no other job does that and i don't actually know any nannies who would agree to this arrangement.

If there are genuinely jobs to do, by all means ask the nannies to do them. But don't make things up.

If your children are getting the care and continuity you need, the nannies are flexible when you need them to be etc why be deliberately difficult?

It seems to be working for you, and your children.

It's worth paying a bit more - if you can afford it - for excellent rather than average in this situation.

If you were in a nursery or whatever you’d also pay regardless of holiday too 🤷‍♀️

We didn’t formally do this but we would discuss holiday dates together to make sure it all worked out

i was probably lucky because my nanny had school age kids so we wanted to take holidays at the same time a lot but as we took more holiday than her contracted holiday days it meant she essentially had extra holidays

Just to add, my neighbour had au pairs for childcare for about a decade. After the first two that came through an agency, it was all word of mouth.

They had a stream of friends, cousins etc who were lovely, enthusiastic and many stayed in touch. Because my neighbour was a good host who made the effort - e.g. the au pair was committed to 2 evenings a week babysitting, but those evenings weren't always used. But some weeks they were.

For what it’s worth I manage this issue by having my nanny come on holiday with me most the time which is not cheaper at all (you need to pay their costs) but makes my life much better. I would like to think that when the kids get old enough this doesn’t make sense that she would try and take at least some of her holiday at times convenient for the kids in addition to the 10 days I allocate but I recognise that’s not always the case. I do kind of get your husbands point though - with all the extras weeks your paying a nanny to not work 20 percent of the year - I would probably holiday slightly less given how hard holidays with kids are and use the extra days for a few “me” days.

But if the nanny goes on holiday, we have to take holiday too. We can't work around it, we have a toddler. So yes, absolutely all holidays are run past us.

We discussed this at interview stage and frankly, all the nannies were happy and used to it by the sound of it. Everyone I know does the same.

Obviously we love and respect our nanny and everything is discussed way way in advance. She knows already that for example we are going away in January 2027. And i know her daughter is graduating from uni abroad in June 2027 and we will coordinate our holiday so she can go. There is give and take and mutual respect. But I am still the employer, she didn't assume she could go, she ran it past me to give me a chance to make it work.

I think a lot depends on how easy it would be to replace them, honestly.

It is ridiculous to dictate 100% of holiday allowance to a nanny, no other job does that

Teaching does.

Yes but you know that before getting a teaching degree,plus you don't just get 4/5 weeks holidays as a teacher.

I would bring the nanny on holiday!

As a former nanny of 15 years I would say pick your battles, if she is a good nanny then leave it at that, maybe have one day where she comes in and does something but not worth losing her over as jobs are so easy to come by without SEN and she will walk easily.

We have a very similar situation: I get 6 weeks of annual leave and at least 4 of those we travel and the nanny is home alone, getting extra vacay (as your husband sees it 😀).

I've never really thought of it like that as she's truly part of the family, she deserves to take it easy as she's the backbone of our family and we could not both work and have such full lives without her!

She will take it upon herself to do some deep cleans of the house and some organization but it isn't expected. She also looks after our elderly cat which is priceless to me.

She's been with us for over 12 years, she is an angel. I can count on her completely, in fact I've often said I'd let my husband leave before the nanny, she is worth her weight in gold ❤️

When I nannied if the employer went over their holiday allowance by more than 2wks we came to an agreement that I would go in for some of the wxtra and do things like- sort the playroom, batch cook, do any washing and give the kids rooms a clear out. But if this was done in 2days then so be it. If you choose to go away then thats on you. I understand your husband's frustration but also live your approach of keeping the nanny happy (very rare quality in nanny employers🩷)
I've worked for alsorts of families including those who wanted me in the day after Boxing Day as 'We've had the kids for 3 days now it's your turn!'