Is this normal at nursery or are they not looking after DD?

[Ye100]

DD recently started to get it with potty training. She’s 3. Nursery tell me she will do a poo in the potty or in the little toilets and always seem really happy with her progress. But every day her underwear is soiled! Not a tiny bit but most of the underside to her pants. Is this just usual
for toddlers? Also, should she be wiping herself or should they be doing it? They claim to do it but then DD sometimes says things that suggest she’s been doing it. First time mum and single parent so I appreciate any words of wisdom!

They should be making sure she's clean. She won't be able to reach properly at 3. She shouldn't be left in soiled pants. The tiniest mark and my child's nursery change her. It could make her skin sore too so you need to mention it to nursery

Definitely suggests they’re not helping her wipe, I wouldn’t be happy if it’s a regular thing as she’ll get sore. Have you spoken to them about it? I would mention it and be clear that she needs help wiping.

I get really anxious mentioning anything to nursery. i don’t want to offend the staff looking after her. She doesn’t seem to get that sore but obviously when she gets in I have to change her and soak the pants etc and it’s such a faff. I will say something then. Maybe to the management?

I’d mention it, she may she going to the toilet on her own and not saying she’s had a poo! Hence her being soiled! If you let them know they should check that she’s clean during the day!

I say that as someone who works in a school nursery.

What age should they be wiping themselves?

We had this once, what was happening was they went to the loo then did a poor job of wiping then they’d stand up and the nursery worker would gently waft a baby wipe over their buttocks. Then they’d go sit down and skid mark central. I think they wanted to avoid being rough or any potential accusations. I would say and either they can do a bit of flossing with a wipe or get them to bend over a bit to make checking easier.

I think they need help for the first few months before they are reliable wipers whether at 2 or 3.

Surely they must be able to smell that she is soiled?

I think giving in some toilet wet wipes in with her and say she is missing bits after her poo, might alert them without you feeling you are having a go at them, when i worked with pre schoolers we tried to encorage wiping themselves for 3 year olds.

Day nursery or school nursery/pre-school?

Day nursery, yes I'd expect them to wipe.
School nursery, bit more of an overseeing/give pointers/help only if needed or are obviously making a mess!

If toilet training starts at 2.5 they should be well capable by 3.

I've worked in both settings. Day nursery where they do up to 10 hour days is much more care based.

It can vary a lot. I encouraged mine to wipe themselves from the start, and I did a 'check wipe' until it stopped been nessecery. For both of mine it took about 6 months for them to become competent wipers, but one child trained at 2.5 and was competently wiping by 3, whereas the other trained at 3.5 and was closer to 4 before I stopped checking.

From that (very small) sample, I'd say it's more stage then age. Some 3yo will be fine and some won't. If they know she's recently trained, then they should be checking, though I can see how they might loose track of who can/can't if they're shepherding a group of 3yo's to the toilet. Just mention it.

Our local preschool (ages 3+) would expect children to wipe themselves and wouldn't intervene unless a child had completely soiled themselves.

If its a preschool like ones attached to the primary school then they usually encouraged to wipe themselves.

I'd help dd to practise at home

My son’s been trained from April and this has never ever happened to him. Seems unusual to me ….

Mum of three here. Nursery should be making sure her bum is totally clean, or she’ll get sore ! Nursery age preschoolers aren’t all able to fully clean themselves ! I would say most cannot.

School nursery is different to private day nursery- at private nursery, they'd wipe. In school, children are expected to be able to do it themselves. If a child has accident, staff will clean the child in line with their intimate care policy- however, this takes two adults which is difficult in a classroom setting.

They should be wiping or helping her to wipe and making sure she does it properly. I would complain.

What's dd like at home. At 3 she should be able to wipe but nursery should be monitoring her.

3 year olds tend to use the toilet pretty independently at nursery, staff aren't going in to the cubicles with them. So unless your DD is asking for help they will leave her to it.
Remember each adult has 8-13 children to care for.

At 3 she is a bit old - It’s normal for them to wet themselves but not to be soiled. Suggests either the nursery are not wiping properly or she is trying to and failing (my son was wiping well by 3).

Neither of mine have been properly able to wipe after a poo at that age. They physically struggle to reach for a start, and certainly couldn’t do a thorough job with anything that required multiple wipes. Neither have ever come home from nursery caked in poo or with soiled pants as I assume (never had to have the discussion) the nursery staff help make sure they are clean.

This is a private nursery, but there are kids at the school nursery still in nappies at this point.

I think at nursery they should be wiping or at least checking after the child has wiped herself. But I have heared some nursery workers mention they hesitate to check closely with a child no longer in diapers, because it could interfere woth the child' s privacy. I always tell children to bend over a bit so I can check if their bum is totally clean so they wont have to worry about skidmarks in their knickers. Never any problem 😊

I’d say 6 months on from toilet training is about right for being able to wipe reliably and properly. I did similar to other posters - let my son have a go then did a “did you leave some for me to clean?” routine where he was very proud to have left me nothing.

That said, we used moistened wipes at home which were infinitely easier than dry (cheap) toilet paper at nursery.

My daughter is 4yrs 3mths and I still wipe her if she has done a poo.She wouldn't have the coordination to do it herself yet i don't think and would likely end up with it all over her hands, especially after a messy one 🙈
My eldest daughter was wiping after a poo completely independently probably by end of reception (she was 4.5 when she started- school staff had no issue helping her)
All other aspects of toileting both were independent earlier (wiping after wee, flushing, putting lid down and washing/drying hands)

Amazed by the ages people are saying their kids could wipe well. One of mind was good at wiping, the other trained at two but was easily 5 before she could so anything like a decent job. Shes petite with short limbs and it was painful to watch, like she just couldn't reach. She would often make it worse. Something about the reach & angle & motion required was just beyond her.

She had excellent fine & gross motor skills just couldn't do a good job of it! She was better at tying her shoelaces than wiping her arse at age 5. No kidding.

A lot of childcare settings will do as little aa possible to help because they need the children to get in the habit of doing it themselves