To think we should get the best room in a villa?

[hwange]

We’re going away as a family to celebrate two birthdays: my husband’s 60th and our son’s 30th. There will be five adults: me, my husband, our two sons (30 and 28) and older son’s partner.

We’ve rented a five-bedroom holiday house. The plan is:

• One room for me and my husband
• One room for our older son and his girlfriend
• One room for our younger son
• Two smaller spare rooms

Everyone is paying an equal share, and our older son’s girlfriend organised the whole booking.

All the bedrooms are nice, but one is clearly the best (great view and a fancy bed), one is also very good, and one is more basic but has a small kitchen.

What’s the fairest way to decide who gets which room?

As the parents of the group, I'd be offering to pay at least half the total cost if I wanted the best room.

If you’re all paying the same amount, the organiser gets first dibs on the room as compensation for arranging the accommodation.

I’d love to know why OP feels entitled to the best room, but it appears she’s not keen to respond since the thread hasn’t gone the way she wanted.

Why TF should you get it?? 🤣

I'm interested to know if you paid the same and did not have to do any of the organising, why you feel you and your DH should have the master bedroom?

In a family trip I would say the parents or oldest family members get the best room. In a friends situation it would be the organiser.

Responding to posts but not THESE posts 🙄 so annoying!

I guess because there is no justification she can offer!

If you were paying the whole cost you could then expect to get the best room. We have often taken our adult children and partners away and wouldn't dream of charging them.

I find the idea that adult children automatically owe their parents anything very off. My children owe me nothing. All the obligations, responsibility etc flow down the generations imo. It was my choice to have them, not theirs to be born. In fact they do loads for DH and I and enjoy spending time with us but everything is by choice, not obligation.

I disagree with the comments saying age no longer deserves respect.

There are so many reasons that underpin this "old fashioned" value, especially in a family context.

First of all, parents have normally put many years into caring for their families. And with age comes issues like backache, joint pain, leaky bladders etc.

I realise many families on here don't have ideal family circumstances, and I expect this is where the inroads into the age deserves respect notion come from, but there is no suggestion this is the case in OP's family.

On the other hand, I think the OP is quite lucky that, at 30, her son and his gf want to come away with the parents for a birthday celebration, and still more so the single 28 year old. These are circumstances to be cherished and embraced by op, and I certainly would be being as welcoming as possible to the GF.

I find it a bit hard to relate to this scenario, as in our family trips with parents tend to be organised and paid for by the parents, which sort of gives a natural assumption they would take the best room. It is hard for me to figure out where the respect aspect stops feeding into that, and the financial and organising responsibility become the relevant factors.

I think in the op's situation - where she is neither paying, nor organising - I would offer the better room to the son and GF.

If they are well brought up, they will decline. But if not, then I'd take the hit anyway op. Not many families, it seems to me, would manage a trip away together in these circumstances, so if you value that, and especially as you don't have the wherewithal to be shouting them (which is fine: if you don't, you don't), I would be as facilitative as possible.

That said, I do think the idea that you don't respect your elders is, (outlying circumstances such as neglect or abuse excluded), an example of degenerative values in society that might feel modern and edgy but will result in a less decent environment for us all down the line.

“In a family trip I would say the parents or oldest family members get the best room”

Why? On what basis do they deserve the best room?

We obviously have a different opinion on this which is good. Genuinely surprised that I could have been having first choice of the best room all these years lol

When we do big self catering holidays I also do all the cooking too!!

maybe I need to reevaluate my choices 😀

I’ve been on many holidays with groups of friends or family. If everyone is paying equally, the organiser has first pick of rooms. If the rooms are very different, then a different price may be agreed for each room and the people in the best room pay more.

I can only think of a Christmas when as a family party of 12, we rented a converted pub in Devon. I booked it and did much of the organising, but the best bedroom (biggest, balcony, best view) was allocated to my widowed Dsis who’d come from the US with her newish boyfriend.

TBH I didn’t even think of giving it to me and dh.

If it were me in your case, I’d probably allocate it to the 60th birthday boy and spouse.

Half as much is being paid for the single person's room as the couple's room, and they're not having to share with anyone. Of course they should get the single or smaller room, they're getting a room for half price!

If two single people were sharing, and so their room was being paid for at full price, then of course they should have equal chance of the best rooms as the couples.

I don't agree with most of these replies but maybe I was just raised differently... I would always offer the eldest the best room especially parents. I think it would be disrespectful otherwise. Bare in mind I'm mid 20s.

It's more the idea that elders aren't automatically deserving of respect owing to their age. 60 is not old enough to be automatically infirm, if there were medical issues OP should have mentioned it (although desiring a good view is not a medical issue, so it's moot) As I have said before, what is galling about the OP is that she seems to want the advantages of the old system (automatically being entitled to the best room) without the responsibilities (paying for everyone, or at least more than their strict share) You can't have it both ways. Also, why is it bad that age isn't afforded automatic respect? I respect people for their character, not their age.

Once we got there I would tell the organiser who put all the effort in to pick their room first.

If I was the organising I would take what I saw as the 2nd best room leaving the master for my parents (mainly because they rarely go abroad/on holiday). But as a parent if the organiser picked the best room it would not be an issue as they did all the leg work.

Don't let your entitlement thinking you deserve the best room cause any resentment on what should be a fantastic holiday.

I also respect the people in my family who have contributed to my upbringing as an act of respectful gratitude - even if they are not infirm.

ETA I mean, at the end of the day, we are talking about rewarding effort here, and bringing up children takes a whole lot more effort than booking a villa.

In the circumstances, I would still offer the room to the GF because I think OP should value the fact the GF is taking an active role in bringing the family together.

But the general idea that respect for elders ought to be dead and gone as a principle is an attitude I struggle with.

Sounds like your family saw you coming! It's a good thing you saw this thread, I think. I used to be like you, happy to be a skivvy. Things have changed a lot since I realised I don't have to put up with it.

I don't think people are saying people shouldn't respect their elders, rather that those elders shouldn't act as though they are automatically entitled to the best of everything solely because they are older. It's the sense of entitlement people are finding distasteful.

I don’t think the op has expressed that she feels she should get the best room judt the fairest way to decide. I don’t think it should be organisers by default But I am aware I am in the minority here.

Be interesting to see if it was the daughters BF that organised it and felt he should have the best room?

The gf has done the work of organizing, so she should get the room with older son with the 30th.

You haven't done the work, so why would you feel entitled to the nicest room over the adult who did do the work?

Why? I'm serious. You don't need to be 'grateful' for being born, and your parents 'contributing to your upbringing' is the bare minimum.

You have no idea what the OP's family dynamics are like
No I don't I was giving my opinion from my perspective as we all are.

That's kind of what you sign up for when you have children.
No it definitely isn't necessarily what everyone signs up to when they have children. As I said I love my parents and I am grateful for their sacrifices so like the opportunity to demonstrate this gratitude. Never knew that would be so controversial, glad to report my teen girls often demonstrate their gratitude to me in the ways they can at the moment and I am very pleased I have raised them to acknowledge what I do for them. Am I to assume you don't get gifts for mothers day and fathers day because you know that's what they signed up for making sacrifices for you?