To say that when I am Leader of the World

[Wheelskeepturning]

There will be a special, horrible prison purely for people who...

• park on double yellow lines or across someone's driveway (I don't care if it's just for 5 fucking minutes.)
• drop litter, double sentence if it's in a park/countryside
• don't pick up their dog 's poo
• ha e a dog they can't control or doesn't have an instant recall if off a lead
• Anyone who talks or is on their phone in a cinema or theatre

There are no second chances, straight to prison for a year for a first offence.

I don't care if IABU - don't forget I AM THE RULER OF THE WHOLE
WORLD

I am happy to add other crimes to my list if anyone has any ideas

This is (hopefully) obviously lighthearted and I know there are obviously many, many much worse crimes and those people will continue to go to prison.

Starting threads and not coming back to answer questions.

We have a terrible dog poop problem in my town.

My preferred punishment for these people is the immediate appearance of the Dog Poo Police, who ban the person from ever owning a dog again. Oh and also take the dog round the corner and fire an unloaded gun so the owner thinks it’s been shot. But really of course it hasn’t. Bet that would stop ‘em.

There was a dog poo on my way to town that grew fur and became a fixture. I hate it so much.

Can I come and live in your world please?

People that get in the wrong lane at petrol station , and drag the hose round to the side where their filling cap is.

Why is that bad? Surely that’s good, as that keeps the queue moving evenly?

Adding all the above to my list.

Come and join me @ScholesPanda 😁

Nooooo! This is helpful and efficient, this should be rewarded in the new world order!

No, the idiots who sit in the queue to wait for a pump on 'the right side' blocking the way of people behind when a pump comes free on 'their wrong side' cos they can't be arsed to pull the hose round.

People who say picky bits.

People who decide they don't want things in the supermarket so they just chuck them anywhere - especially cold things.

In what way does this incevenience you? I admire people who do that, I myself don't have the courage as I am afraid of the humiliation if it doesen't reach but majority of pumps have signage that say/show they can be used on both sides.

Oh can we add the three massive blokes that got out of a swanky BMW who’d parked in the closest parent and child space in Tesco the other day? The cunts did not give one shit. I was not brave enough to challenge them.

Cold callers who ask how I am and wait for a reply.

Do they get a double sentence for parking on yellow lines and across a driveway at the same time?
If yes, you have my vote

Just so long as you don't try and pinch Greenland, @Wheelskeepturning !

Your stated manifesto is fine by me, but the petrol station thing in a later post is weird : I would imprison people who don't make use of the hose length that is provided to enable both-sides filling.

Re dog poo, please make it an aggravated offence to bag the poo and then leave in behind. Crucifixion for a first offence.

Excellent thread OP. I’ve put a lot of thought into my plan when I am Benign Global Dictator. Agreed on all of the above and respectfully submit:

1. no lights will be allowed to have a flickering setting. On or off, pick a lane.
2. no one will be allowed to drive a modified car with an obnoxiously loud exhaust anywhere other than a designated race track (preferably on a remote island somewhere)
3. people who don’t move down the train/tube when it’s full have to get off and walk. I don’t care how far it is.
4. anyone who litters will be forced to pick up litter for a day. Same for not picking up after their dog.
5. anyone who scrawls mindless graffiti tags will be forced to redecorate the home of someone who needs it done but can’t manage or afford it. Paint, wallpaper, fixing wonky doors or whatever.
6. all school uniform jumpers must be available as supermarkets and the school can hand out iron on logos. Same for blazers, trousers, PE kits.

there are more but I have to go and make DC lunches. Will be back later.

People who don't indicate when driving. I'll get my crystal ball out shall I?

And a double life sentence for leaving out their kid's ages.

may I suggest, if you’re neighbour has building work which is disruptive, then they must invite you round so you can see what it’s like when it’s done.
Id also like to see Zoopla compelled to publish selling prices in a more timely fashion. I’ve forgotten I’m interested 6 months after it’s been sold.

Oh God I hate, hate, hate that!! 😡

I always give them an ice cold stare and say "Why?"

Can you add parents who park on zig zags two metres from the school gates 😡 please. @Wheelskeepturning .

@Youspurnme you'd get my vote on the uniforms alone!!

I’m sorry everyone but the petrol pump one absolutely infuriates me.
If everyone used the right ones the queue would move just as quickly no?
Or car manufacturers could put them all on the same side.

Triple life for OPs who get threads pulled when they don't like the responses.

I do this if necessary. It’s an efficient use of time. You’re wrong.

I think I'd take them to the gallows and put everyone out of their misery 😬🤣