My housekeeper is vey religious and it’s causing issues

[Claradiplomatique]

We live overseas btw for anyone wondering.

So I have a lovely housekeeper who is very…religious.

She tells me off when she sees the children’s toys with horns (dragons, dinosaurs, Yoga Goat) or if she sees any children’s books about magic or witches. My own tarot cards and crystals are tucked into a drawer.

There is somewhat of a language barrier as I think we are having a normal conversation and she says “Jesus is coming soon” out of the blue.

There is also an ongoing battle between the nanny (different religion) and the housekeeper as nanny believes in evil eye etc and has given charms to me and the housekeeper says they are “satan’s work.” Nanny took the children to a Halloween craft workshop and came back with witchy dolls and a pumpkin which housekeeper said we should burn.

They do however both agree that our rescue street cat is sent from God to protect us.

AIBU? Do I double down on the no religion talk or let her go?

🧿🪬

What about non-batshit nannies and housekeepers? Don’t they deserve employment too?

People are assuming you're British because it's a very British thing to be taken aback by overt displays of religion. We don't really do that. But this post suggests you're American. Aren't you more used to navigating this kind of thing? How do you handle it back home?

They might be more New York than Tennessee.

You’ve got a better chance of nurseries and childminders being qualified and adhering to professional standards IME

Based on what?

in any case, the OP is abroad where childminders probably don’t exist and none of us know if nurseries are available / reliable.

It’s like a C5 drama

America =\ the Bible Belt.

There are plenty of regions in the U.S where religious proselytizing is not something you’d be likely to encounter.

They might not be available in the country where the OP is living. She or her DH is clearly in the diplomatic service and certain expectations, like employing staff, go with that life. I don't move in those elavated circles but I was born (a long time ago) in another country when my father was working alongside the RAF. It was expected that quite lowly staff like my parents employed locals to do tasks like laundry. There was even a boy who sat on the roof and watched the washing dry. It was an expectation that Europeans living there temporarily contributed to the local economy.

It's nonsense to compare the OP's situation to the average family in the UK.

I think the price you pay for having servants in the house is accepting that other people have their own opinions and beliefs and just getting on with it. The alternative is to look after your kids and house yourself.

But who is to say that nurseries and childminders that offer night hours and flexible schedules are available in Kuala Lumpur or Ulan Bator?

Also it’s absolutely absurd people keep bleating about how it can be done to have two full time working parents, no family, and essily do without help in the house. It absolutely cannot if you are not doing shift work so your hours never overlap.

But I do want to add that we had a very religious babysitter for an occasional parents night out when I was a child and she told us that Jesus would take our parents away if we were naughty. We finally told our parents about it because we were honestly terrified and quite panicked and they got rid of her. So be careful that your children are not picking up some scary messages.

Yep, childminders aren’t a thing here and there aren’t really nurseries.

My nanny is a qualified primary school teacher and all staff undergo background checks and references.

The housekeeper would be out of the door so fast!

I would not accept being preached to and my behaviour policed in my own home.

I wouldn’t worry about it. I grew up through my dad’s diplomatic postings in various parts of the world and I’ve lost count of the number of nannies, gardeners and random ladies in the street who have blessed me, curse me and assured me of Jesus’s imminent arrival. As far as I know, it didn’t do me too much harm and probably gave me a slightly more colourful view of the world.

My mum would probably have tried to introduce some sort of no talking about religion at work rule. I’m reasonably certain it would have been completely ignored.

To be honest, none of the cursing, blessing and Jesus talk was anywhere near as batshit as growing up on diplomatic postings behind the iron curtain in the early 80s. I’ve got some properly mad camera in your bra, bugged tennis racket, poison umbrella, chess match to the death stories about my crazy childhood.

Team Cat.

Everybody should get along as long as they keep the snacks coming.

But was your cat sent by God? Or, indeed, bugged?

For anyone asking why we have a nanny - my husband and I have to go to many evening events. There is an expectation that you go. That is life in the diolo world. One week we were out every night. That’s why we have a reliable person. A random babysitter wouldn’t work.

There are also global events currently in the news that require going into the office at random hours and taking calls at home / being on call. That is the world we work in.

Was the cat bugged? Literally, everything was bugged.

Based on my experience, as I said. Good nurseries tend to have blanket policies such as no phones on staff, cctv no or minimal screen time for the kids etc. A good nanny that actually engages with the children is worth their weight in gold, but it can be pretty difficult for parents to figure out whether they’ve got this type or not.

Depends where OP is and what age her kids are, but many expat communities have nurseries, often attached to the international schools. Tends to be a more expensive option than a nanny though, especially if you have more than one child.

I think we need to hear more about the bugged tennis racket…

Quite possibly 😬

You can be respectful of her beliefs whilst still maintaining boundaries. Bring her in for a meeting and make it clear that whilst she is entitled to her own opinions and beliefs, you do not appreciate her sharing her concerns about you, your children's toys/books, or your personal beliefs.

Respect needs to go both ways and at the moment she is not holding up her side of the bargain. You are her employer, what would you do if you line managed her in an office?

You really don’t have to defend yourself to the chorus of svolds. Its obvious that you can’t and shouldn’t do the work you both do without local help. The insistence that you should and that its better for your children that you do is just plain old xenophobia and British disgust of natives/servants/lower orders in your space.

I wouldn't dismiss either of them. Firstly, it would probably cause bad feeling locally and secondly the nanny might use the evil eye against me - just saying!

You’ve gathered a lot of information from my post that wasn’t there. I was merely responding to the pp and stating that it’s easier to find a more professional standard of childcare in nurseries than by employing local nannies. Whether or not this is of any relevance to the OP I cannot tell, as I didn’t think she had told us where they are or what they do. In fact, it’s not even the childcare that’s an issue to the OP is it, its the housekeeper.