Did you wear a full dress with train for your second wedding or go for something different? Are there rules on this??

[weddingsbluesandhues]

Should you go for a different colour scheme to your or your fiancés first wedding? Should it be totally different or are similarities ok? Would you be worried that guests on his side might compare your wedding to his first? Would you go all out or keep it simpler?
What’s the done thing?

I’m not getting married btw. It just came up in conversation the other day and got me wondering. If I were to get married a second time I’d probably go for totally different. I wouldn’t feel right in a dress similar to my first.

First marriage was traditional white. Blue outfit for second marriage, completely different.

Yep I wore the whole shebang. It was my second marriage but my husband’s first. He wanted to keep it traditional and I was happy to wear a full gown and veil. Horses for courses, there aren’t any rules.

I wore steam punk inspired red for first wedding.
Traditional white for second.

There are no rules. Why would the rules created by strangers be more significant than the rules you’d create for yourself?

If I were to get married again I’d probably wear the same dress! It’s my dress, I designed it, I really like it, it’s not as if DH picked it out or I chose it especially because he’d like it. Just as I haven’t and wouldn’t stop wearing or displaying clothes or jewellery or decor I loved just because they were associated with an ex.

We went to a friend’s second wedding recently and her dress was very similar to her first, similar sort of venue and day. There were no comments (that I’m aware of, among other friends who’d also been at her first) “comparing” it. A couple of us reminisced about little things we remembered from that day itself, which I suppose people will do naturally when they’re talking about old memories, but they weren’t negative or drawing out differences.

I don’t see an issue with having a big white / whatever second wedding - it’s a whole new relationship, person, and marriage, it’s just as special to those getting married as their first was. I think the second wedding being much more low-key is probably an old hang back of when divorce was still a bit frowned on or seen as some sort of failure, and so some divorcees felt pressure not to make a big thing of remarrying.

I didn't do traditional for either of my weddings. Love a wedding, never wanted to look like a traditional bride. I think your second wedding allows you the freedom to find somewhere you love and can possibly wear again.

No rules at all. As someone has already mentioned, there is still some societal stigma attached to a wedding after divorce and some people just don’t agree with much beyond a registry office. Most likely drummed into them along their lives and they haven’t really thought for themselves.
Plus, if a first wedding was financially propped up by parents and there was a whole dress-buying experience, second weddings may already be viewed by such parents as unnecessary as it’s already been done before.
Wear whatever you want and DGAF about what other people think is my opinion.

I’ve been married twice. First time (full Catholic Church wedding) I wore an enormous ivory silk dress with a handmade ceramic flower headdress and cathedral length veil.
Second time around was church again (DH had not been married before). I wore ivory again but my dress was much less ‘grand’ (looked quite similar to Lady Sarah Chatto’s dress) no veil but a delicate pearl headdress. For this wedding I deliberately dialled it back because most of the guests on my side were at the first one!
To be honest, I really wanted to wear a gorgeous trouser suit or a beaded evening gown for my second wedding but DH really wanted me to wear a more traditional dress.
So, I guess it’s just about what is suitable for the people involved really 🤷🏻‍♀️

Who do you think you would be the one in charges of setting 'rules' for wedding attire? God? Debretts? Vogue?

Both of your dresses sound stunning!

I kind of don’t believe in second marriages 🤷🏼‍♀️
Certainly wouldn’t be full dress and veiling it.

I can assure you that they exist. It's not like the tooth fairy.

First wedding I wore off white, didn’t spend much on the dress as we had a reception at an expensive venue and we paid for it ourselves. It was bridal but very plain and no veil as it was a registrar not church. Second wedding, I wore navy, a Demi couture dress, not bridal but gorgeous. Was 6 months pregnant. We eloped didn’t tell anyone and had no guests etc. was also husband’s second wedding. I wouldn’t have worn white/cream even if I wasn’t pregnant for a second time but there are no set rules. Just to clarify, we were divorced when we met, I wasn’t an OW.

I wore a white pant suit to my first wedding. We eloped, in the snow, I was in my 30’s and a big white dress and veil would have felt ridiculous to me.

Not to mention, cold.

The more I think about it the whole traditional get up is ridiculous for anyone.

I’ve said if I ever get married again it will be on the deck of a superyacht so I shall wear a white bikini and a large white sun hat.

Their purpose, not their existence.

What do you mean you don’t believe in them? Like god or ghosts? Second marriages are real, they exist. You don’t need to believe in them 😂
On a serious note, do you think divorced people should remain single for the rest of their lives? As punishment for their failed marriage?

No, and I appreciate it’s a personal view that the majority wouldn’t agree with.
If I lost my DH (or separated) I wouldn’t roll the dice again. Marriage for me is a ‘you only do it once’ option.

First one was non traditional - dark blue velvet soft trouser suit with a kind of gold robe. Still very special to me. Second one was much more traditional white dress, no veil though. Also loved that. About to do it a third time… probably back to a non-wedding dress this time.

Do what you feel and what feels celebratory and right.

I went slightly more low key. First wedding I had a full sparkly princess dress and veil, second time I had fitted, ivory with a very pale gold lace overlay with a slight train and just a side tiara.

Ah. How old fashioned. I rolled the dice again after getting married far too young and have been very happily married again for 17 years. Not sure I’d have wanted to spend the next 50/60ish years on my own because I made a mistake.

I’m getting married again this year (my late husband died five and a half years ago). I’m wearing a wedding dress but quite a simple one (plain fabric, but a gorgeous cut) and I’m losing the train, purely because I want to keep a clean line. There are no rules, wear what you like!

Ha, I might have thought something similarly smug and judgemental before DH died (though I would never have said it out loud because I’m not that much of a dick). Was very much a “DH is my soulmate and I could never love again” person. Funny how that view changes after you actually lose your person and are facing X number of decades alone…! I find it’s best not to talk about things you cannot possibly understand.

Marriage has important legal protections - beyond the romance, that’s its purpose. The idea that somebody should deny themselves those protections because they or their partner have been married before is dangerous, particularly for women who choose to prioritise being at home with children over maximising their own income. It might not be relevant for you if your children are grown and you are financially secure, but for other women it would be “rolling the dice” not to marry a divorcee / remarry themselves.

Projecting much? And judgmental much?
I said it’s a personal opinion. We’re all allowed them.

And I appreciate all that. I’ve seen enough of those sorts of threads on here to know how real all that is. It’s just not for me. As I said, personal opinion that the majority wouldn’t agree with.

Not entirely sure why you felt the need to air it. The thread wasn’t asking if you agreed with second marriages…