To think that there are too many judgemental, purposely hurtful comments on MN?!

[Glitterballofdreams]

The majority of the posts I’ve been reading recently, have too many b*tchy, judgemental and rude responses on them. Or extreme overreactions such as advising people to leave their husband over silly little arguments!
Women certainly do seem to enjoy dragging other women down.
Anyone else noticed this?

@Moveoverdarlin No, it was a thread about being reported to SS because of bins. Now I need to find the battery thread!

You're choosing to focus on the negative, are u like that in life as well?

I find its of value to me.

I value the range of opinions, its real life. This is how people really think in real life.

The only threads I cant stand are the ones that are started to discuss a woman's appearance. Weight loss / gain, aging, plastic surgery. I wish those ones didn't exist.

Again, why the personal attack at the end @Redpeach ?

MN may not be the place for you. In amongst the bitchy, nastiness there are really supportive, kind people who give good support or sometimes make you laugh. Unfortunately you have to look a lot harder these days to find them. Such a shame as it was always a bit of a cesspit but nothing like it is (yet I still love it after 22 years!).

Oh the irony.

People just can't help themselves. It has become acceptable now to just be a twat. I do wonder what these people are like in real life, my guess is not very nice or likeable.

Life is hard and not always fair, nobody wants anyone to have it any easier than them. The poor envy the rich the rich resent helping the poor. The abled look down on disabled.
In a world where everyone is controlled by the rich and powerful the only way to rise above is to push down.

MN may not be the place for you

I always find it fascinating how people post this kind of comment as if Mumsnet is some kind of tidal force, and if you choose to sit on the beach, you might get wet.

Can't we control ourselves and our actions on here?

I think the OP @Glitterballofdreams is brave and well-minded to post what they did.

If we don't self-reflect on these things, then we just end up in a place where AIBU becomes unreadable because people want to be one of the first 10 commenters to shame the OP and get lots of like reactions as a result.

Internet communities are only as good as the users, and the moderation.

I think MN Towers secretly likes some of the "vipers as spectator sport" stuff and doesn't moderate it as hard, because it drives more eyeballs for ads. However I got my account cancelled for saying that last time, so it's been good knowing you all!

Not being kind doesn’t mean you have to be nasty. There is a middle ground and it’s possible to let someone know you think they’re being unreasonable without resorting to insults. I saw someone get called thick in a thread yesterday for something really minor.

The absolute nerve of recently joining a forum, not getting the answers you like and instead of going elsewhere actually starting a thread to berate the other posters.

Are people not just giving their true honest opinions because they can when talking to strangers. In real life they are probably not as blunt with family and friends because well let’s be honest, you can’t be truly honest can you or know one would have any friends or any family who speak to them.

I don’t have the right to police anyone’s internet posts but I hear you OP. I judge people who post snippy comments and clearly delight in being rude, confrontational or who are attempting to develop an MN profile without any thought about who they may upset in doing so. I reserve the right to think these people are probably either quite unpleasant in real life also or saccharine people-pleaser types who lack the confidence to really say what they think in real life. Decent people with a modicum of intelligence can strongly challenge a post without being rude or hurtful.

At the end of the day though, it’s an anonymous internet forum. While I try to post as I would IRL and am mindful the poster might be very vulnerable, no one should expect to post or read comments on here (or anywhere else on the internet) without asking themselves if they’re ready and strong enough to read answers they may not like.

There's a difference between people having a different opinion, expressing it, & saying yabu, and folk just being nasty for the hell of it.

OP - should I get this carpet or those tiles?
"I wouldnt have carpet in a bathroom, and Im not sure I like the orange and lime swirls. So definitely the tiles"
Or
"That's gross, you utter minger, why do you enjoy pissy wet carpet, is it a fetish that ypu want to drag visitors and your wider family into? You perv! Should be locked up!! As for the color- are you on drugs? People like you shouldnt be having children" etc etc

Nah, this kind of thing is once again about women being told to conform. Bottom line is OP believes that she is entitled to control women and how they present themselves because they don’t conform to her standard….. on an anonymous forum…..

Don't assume they're all women.

Can you link to this thread because I’d love to see the drama there.

I'm not so sure. There are lots of posters who make up their own imaginary scenarios that were not in the OP and berate posters for them, and lots more posters who are absolutely vile for no reason, as in it's not a case of them just not saying what the OP wants to hear or disagreeing robustly, they are completely disgusting and I think they make a sport of it.

Of course, there are lots of men who do that too and are equally as vile, although thankfully, there are few of them on this particular platform.

Indeed. Sometimes the person posting responds with "I thought Mumsnet was meant to be a helpful place..." Well yes, on the forums designed for specific interests and issues.

AIBU is where people get told they're being unreasonable and many times they don't like it and cry "pile on".

👍

I roll my eyes at all the endless LTB replies to trivia, but if someone asks for random message board opinions, then that’s what they get. 🤷‍♀️

Sometimes, you just have to work it out for yourself. 👍

Yes this was my thought also. After there were some comments made about MN re the “trans debate” in the public arena, it seemed to me there was an increase in the “less supportive/gentle” posts. I did wonder if TRAs or men who don’t like MN generally (because it supports women) had started trying to disrupt the site more. Trying to make the site overall less supportive or welcoming to vulnerable women could be a potential goal for them. For that reason I do tend to ignore all personal attacks now and assume the worst of them (i.e. they are trying to create a fight between women in order to stop us supporting each other). When a thread derails with a side argument that has nothing to do with the OP I also wonder if two “disrupters” have ended up talking to each other! In real life I don’t know any women who would talk to another woman that way. Granted, the keyboard does encourage less polite discourse and I do see it in FB forums (and in those cases women seem to engage in it almost as much as men) but still I do think it could be a deliberate tactic and hopefully MN are able to intervene when needed. Disagreement on the site should be encouraged, robust disagreement even, but it can still be done in a thoughtful and supportive way.

I don't think that all posters should be sugary and nice if they disagree, but insulting others intelligence and mocking their choices has to be the pits. As is twisting their words.

I was agreeing with her but if you’ve come here looking for support and kindness you won’t find it abundance. What you will find is some of it mixed in with a whole load of other nastiness, derailing etc. you’ve got to be thick skinned to stick his place, or just read and don’t post.

You forgot 'and leave your husband'. Ps minger is my favourite word ever