To report this colleague?

[WorkplaceDramaHelp]

I am currently in quite an issue at work, and I’m looking for advice really.

We have had a new receptionist start, who is significantly older than me (sharing as I think this is part of the issue!) I’m in my 30s and they’re in their 60s. I think they don’t like receiving instructions from someone younger than them and this is at least part of the problem.

Since they started there have been some issues, teething problems probably, such as scanning things wrong or booking appointments wrong etc etc. If I ever try to raise this (e.g. ‘just to let you know for next time appointments should be at this time’) she gets very snappy with me and make it a very tense atmosphere. They do not take this attitude with male counterparts, who are also younger but probably closer in age (around 50s), or the older female colleagues.

I have raised with my superior that these issues continue after I have mentioned to the person involved, as I find it very uncomfortable to offer these corrections directly due to the snappiness etc.

Since doing so, things have become even worse. More and more mistakes happening, that I feel uncomfortable to mention, and a huge atmosphere of snappy words or whispering to the other receptionist when I walk past etc. I have taken to fixing things myself or just doing the tasks myself in the first place, which doesn’t feel reasonable either.

I’m really struggling with the environment and it’s making me very anxious to go into work. I want to get on with everyone, but the mistakes do need addressing as I have to fix them otherwise and I honestly don’t have time.

At this stage I have purely reported the actual errors (when I have said something) and left any kind of comment/tone out of it.

would I be unreasonable to go to someone in the department and explain how I’m being made to feel?

I think it’s even worse as she is particularly rude if I see her on my own, or when she thinks no one else is there. It’s gotten to the point that I meet a friend outside of work to enter to go past so that nothing is said, which doesn’t really feel like a practical solution or something I should have to do.

any and all advice appreciated!

I had this problem when I was only a few years into my career. I was 24 and she was nearly 40 and hated someone younger than her being superior, and she also just wasnt very good at her job or very reliable. I have since found out that most issues of bullying in the workplace are an older woman against a younger colleague. I’m afraid it got worse and worse and completely destroyed my confidence so you have my greatest sympathies.

I wouldn’t recommend what I did. Which was remain silent about it for 18 months(!!), except for one trusted colleague who saw and knew, until I had resigned and then burst into tears in my exit interview.

You need to keep a log of every negative interaction and every mistake you note. I’d particularly recommend this because in my case the woman would make out I was bullying her(!!) and I do think she genuinely believed that. Whereas I was just politely flagging issues with her work, similarly to you. She saw this as me getting to her in a way that I wasn’t with other colleagues (but that’s because there were no issues with their work!) Luckily no one else believed she was the victim.

Keep a log and share it with HR as soon as you can, and keep sharing it.

Don't fix anything. Avoid getting dragged into her decaying orbit. It'll resolve itself and she doesn't want your help or training. If you do anything, write a short email with the stuff you've trained her on. All the things she fucks up be careful to frame explicitly and positively as things you've covered. What you want is the training to be done and a clear handover so she can't say you didn't. Then steer clear. No senior person wants to deal with conflict between people reporting to them. Avoid it.

Read your company policies on performance
Document document document
Each month email her manager & hr (if you have an hr dept) with a list of the mistakes, and the consequences of each one
You are right not to report her rude behaviour at this point, but still document it

You need to email her with any mistakes that you have found/need amending. This then means, there's a paper trail.

If you're just verbalising mistakes, she can deny you told her. Also if you leave the mistakes, and a mistake inadvertently ends up being noticed by a client, it's easy for her to make an excuse and pass the blame back onto you.

Unfortunately, some people don't like being 'told what to do' by someone they feel is much younger and has less experience in life. It can also happen if someone has been used to being in a more senior position, and suddenly they find themselves in a lower one.

So fair enough you’ve been asked to train her, but Im not understanding why it is your job to correct her mistakes?

You don’t have to put up with this.

report her. Ding he afraid of her or her thoughts. You are probably vulnerable to her due to some past experience with a teacher or family member who presented the same way and made you feel small during your formative years.

it ends now, you don’t have to tolerate this

You are working within a professional environment and she is not acting professionally.

You should not have your professional life impacted in this way, so you 100% need to take action, now.

Her reactions seem very strange and unwarranted, and I do not think she will react well to feedback directly from you.

In this circumstance I would speak to her direct line manager and email manager with a record of every incident. Ultimately she needs to go before probation is over or else this will turn into a permanent problem for you.

But you’re not still left with the issue of fixing her work. Nobody is telling you to do that and you need to stop. That’s why the relationship is breaking down. She feels picked at and you feel disrespected, but unless I’m missing something nobody is telling you to keep fixing her work? Let her balls it up. This isn’t your issue. Keep reporting the mistakes over and over but don’t be a martyr over something you weren’t being asked to do anyway. Just keep reporting it higher up and ask your own line manager to intervene. Remove yourself from fixing her mistakes, otherwise when she gets her review it’s not going to be accurate because you will have done her homework for her and they could end up passing her on the false belief that she’s really good at her job. They need to see all her cock ups to make a proper decision and you’re going to be stuck with someone who’s really crap at her job if you keep masking her incompetence.

Keep a trail of it. That’s what I’d do. Every rude comment, make a note of it, make sure she knows you’re doing it. Every time you ask her to do something or make a correction, email it afterwards… as per our conversation where we discussed … and I asked and you agreed…going forward etc’… she’s a bully. Shine the brightest light you can on it and she’ll have to back down because she’s the one making the mistakes. Honestly, reiterate every single thing on emails and note down every single nasty thing she says. I get exactly why you fix her mistakes. But email her from now on … you didn’t do xyz, I have corrected that for you, can you ensure xyz is in future. You need to sort it now or you’ll end up off sick with stress because people like that don’t ever back off on their own. I really feel for you, those people are hideous.

I would go to HR about the way she is speaking to you. Get in before she does as your line manager isn’t fixing it.
Also be a bit more assertive if she does say something inappropriate and STOP apologising!

Email her at the end of every week and summarise all the mistakes, whilst praising her for things that went well. Start making a record and COPY in your superior.

Hi Clare

Great week - your training is going well and the such and such was a success on Wednesday and the appointments were all tip top.

Just to clarify a few points…

*Always do XYZ when booking appointments
*Be sure to email Joe Bloggs before x task
*Don't forget to log visitors
*Always save the X file on the shared drive
*Remember to always blah blah blah

And if it continues be really open with your superior and say ‘Look, I’m really struggling with training Sue. Like really struggling. I’ve gone from loving my job to hating it. It’s not just that she’s struggling with the job itself, she’s just openly rude to me.’

She sounds a bitch with a chip on her shoulder because you’re 30 years younger. Toughen up though. Be firm and be sure to send those emails so she can physically see all the fuck ups she’s making.

Definitely do this as well. This needs nipping in the bud.

You have to stop apologising OP. When she says “don’t talk to me like I’m stupid” just say “I am not talking to you like you’re stupid” and carry on with your feedback, especially if you are supposed to be training her. Then send a factual email after each interaction outlining the process for that particular piece of work (e.g. X, Y, Z needs to be checked before sending to clients as standard). When you apologise you are admitting wrongdoing (that’s the point of an apology) - don’t let her play you.

Hi there OP.

a trick I sometimes find helpful is thinking about “how would I like to tell this story in a future job interview? How would I want it to end?”. It can help you think it through. I note that you talk about career development - if you’ve got ambitions to be promoted into management in future this could be a great opportunity to demonstrate managerial chops and commitment to the organisation.

so for example - in future someone asks you “can you tell me about a time when you’ve handled poor performance?” Then you could say:

I had a really challenging situation where I was asked to train a new member of staff in their probationary period. I wasn’t their line manager - so didn’t have a formal role in their peformance management, but her work outputs affected the ability of others to do my job, including me.

it was clear to me early on that there were issues with her performance. In my coaching role I did XYZ to help her improve, but unfortunately her response was quite defensive so I tried ABC. I obviously didn’t have a formal role in her line management but I was aware that her performance issues were affecting others work, and the performance of the business as a whole. My peers were reluctant to address the situation given the hostility of the member of staff but I was concerned about the long term impact on the business if she stayed past probation and nothing changed.

I reverted to a more formal approach, documenting issues and gently bringing in line management. The result was that she improved/didnt pass probation, so negative affect on the business was minimised….

then if you get follow questions (eg what was challenging/what did you learn) - you can say sth like: it was challenging for me because my instinctive approach to work is collaborative and consensual- when my colleague reacted badly to my initial efforts to help her improve it felt like a real threat to my usual way of working. I had to reflect that sometimes you need different approaches, depending on the circumstances, and for the good of the business. It’s good to know I’ve got different approaches I can use if I need to in future….

NB. I often find working it through like that gives me a more objective sense of what the right thing to do is!

This is a really helpful way to view it, thank you!

A friend also suggested I imagine they’re telling me this story - what advice would I suggest to them

I think trying to remove myself from it a little will be really beneficial

don't fix her work.
put everything in emails
start cc-ing other people

my boss is younger than me and I respect her fully. I have managed people much older than me and we got on fine... age is no excuse for being shit.

She is bullying you and trying to sabotage you. You need to speak to your line manager and HR. She is behaving like a malevolent child if she is hiding your belongings and not passing on important messages.

I think that this has gone way beyond someone being a bit difficult and is obviously a campaign to get you into trouble and possibly lose your job.

I would also recommend that you join a union.

No, HR should not be monitoring her performance, the line manager shpukd be doing that. The line manager may seek advice from HR about suppprting the employee to succeed or about terminating the appointment. Ot is not the role of HR to personally manage employee performance.

This is at the root of the OPs problem. She has been asked to provide training and if that has been provided she should exit the situation. It is worth the OP detailing the training she has provided to her line manager and the new employee. It is worth asking both separately if any further training is required or if anything is still unclear. Let them state if there is a gap and if you need to provide further “training”. If not and they are satisfied you have done what you were asked to do, let go of the situation.

The line manager needs to be monitor the quality of the new employee’s work and if it is up to standard. If the line manager has agreed training has been provided with the new employee then it is a competency or capability issue.

It’s never a good idea to get people doing training to also monitor and report on performance. It inhibits learning and openness.

This is as they a line manager problem. Any decent line manager would be intervening and dealing with this now and shouldn’t need the OP to report on anything.

She clearly isn’t the right fit for the role. Everyone, including the OP, needs to stop making their own corrections before she is through the probation period. This is the whole point of a probation period.

I clicked YABU because if you are not her line manger, just pass every mistake up to her line manager. I didn't want to vote and run though, as a horrible atmosphere at work is draining and can be awful, so please remember it is her with the problems and poor attitude and not you. mumsnetty hug xx

This has taken me back 25 years to working with a woman and sharing an office with her. She had been difficult, prickly and also rather lazy right from day one of joining the organisation. One day a colleague came into the office and asked me to find them something when I was already dealing with a query for another person. I suggested if it was urgent they asked the other woman explaining I was already dealing with a query which they did and left. I then got a tirade about how she wasn't my assistant and that I should apologise to them in front of the entire staff. There followed three months of tantrums, slamming things around and flouncing in and out of the office. I had a meeting with my manager as did the other woman. Nothing was done and in the end we ended up ignoring each other. After three months I put my notice in and the first thing my manager asked was if this woman was the reason for my resignation. It wasn't but it contributed to it.

OP please deal with the issue for your own health and sanity. I nearly had a breakdown due to my woman and her behaviour.

Speak to her line manager. Put on a concerned voice and say you are worried about her as she seems to be very snappy and stressed out. You have tried to help her on multiple occasions but she has declined. You are worried she might be struggling but not want to say, or else that she might have something going on in her personal life that is causing her stress. You wouldn’t normally say anything but you hate to see someone new to the team struggling. Perhaps the line manager could have a chat with her and see if there is anything they can support her with?

That’s what I’d do. Plus if anyone is overhearing the rude comments I’d go up to them when she’s not around and innocently say in a worried voice “is she ok?”.

I’d also make a show of saying good morning or whatever in a bright cheerful way every time I walked past.

You look like a saint. She looks like a dickhead!

Does she achually know you are officially there to train her?? it may seem like a silly question but I’ve known this to happen when a person appears to be poking their nose in and over stepping with advice and the recipient was unaware of the persons official role , I would make time to sit down formally with her and explain your role us to help her ( give examples ) and be clear that she needs to take this help in board and be clear about the consequences ( I assume she is under probation? )

I'd try and stand my ground. Don't talk to me like I'm stupid - I didn't, I was pointing out an error. I'm talking to you vecause its one of my tasks to correct this work. How would you prefer errors to be highlighted for correction? I can email if you prefer. Don't snap at me for doing my job'