People flirting with your partner in public, anyone had this?

[AmpleHedgehog]

I bought him something for his birthday that we needed to return to the shop for an amendment, we both went together.
The assistant serving us was a lady who looked in her 20s, I started the conversation to ask about their returns policies etc. And she only spoke to me when she had to.

She complimented my partner on what he was wearing then they ended up in a wider conversation. We had to wait with her for around 5 minutes for a supervisor to come and check she'd issued a refund correctly or something.

I was smiling and approachable but couldn't really find an inn in the conversation, she barely looked at me. She was asking how old he is, and to be honest I felt he was flirting back slightly, he teased her about something and they had a bit of a laugh.

I may have to go back into that store this weekend and when we left he said something like oh you'll have to check if she's in, then something like sorry hope that didn't seem weird.

I know she was his type physically (both goths, and he's into that). I know this will happen and it may happen when I'm not around, some people are just like that. If she'd also spoken to me more it would have been different.

To be fair I just laughed it off and didn't say a word about it, 20 year old me probably would've made a comment or been a bit offended to him. Anyone else had this?

My newly single next door neighbour is constantly flirting with my dh. For the most part I just ignore it but when she wanted a lift with him to school each day last week because the weather was so cold I decided that I’d change my wfh hours so I could go with him to drop the dc off meaning no space for anyone else. Passive aggressive maybe but she’s been getting increasingly blatant.

OMFG this is not good.

In response to the OP yes people are often flirting with my partner. It's always done in a jokey way, omg look at his muscle legs, blah blah blah so I don't stress. If it was more like what you're both describing above - actually signalling interest - I wouldn't like it.

Yup. Sade hit on my then boyfriend in a bar in the 90s.
I expect he still regrets going home with me and not her.
To be honest, with the benefit of hindsight, I also regret this as I wasted another couple of years of my 20s on that bum.

My friend’s dad moved in with the next door neighbour. The only difference the rest of the people on the street saw was that his car was parked in the next drive. Lots of flirting and stalking by the neighbour eventually paid off for her.

I think your problem is how your partner seemed to welcome it. That's so not on.

If someone flirted with my dh in front of me, his reaction would be 50% surprise and 50% embarrassment and he'd be the one vowing never to go back to the shop. I'd be the one chuckling away and saving it up as a hilarious anecdote to tell his whole family etc.

'I'll be over there when you're done complimenting each other' and walk away

Then address it when you leave the store, nothing worse, people always flirt with my DH and he won't entertain it.

Sounds like a smooth operator

😂

Yes, I had this many years ago. My then boyfriend was gorgeous (still is by all accounts!) and the ladies noticed him. He was quite a shy, reserved man, and the attention would embarrass him. There was definitely no ego etc on his part, he never understood why he got female attention!!

Numerous times whilst with him, waitresses/bar staff would slip him their phone numbers, women openly ogling him, some even coming up to talk to him/flirt, with me stood next to him!!!

I learnt to be very thick skinned, as I also received nastiness - comments whilst in the ladies loos etc. However, I did have to step in on more than one occasion to tell a woman to back-off and go and find her own boyfriend!!

Unfortunately, some women see a good looking man, and get tunnel vision - they don't see the girlfriend stood next to him or think perhaps he might not be interested. Women can be nasty, especially if there's a man involved.

In your case, your boyfriend was responding to the store woman. It could have been out of politeness or he could have felt flattered. There is a difference between a store person being polite and flirting. Complimenting a man in itself isn't wrong, but given he was with someone, it may have not been sensible. Talk to your boyfriend!!

My ex was attractive (until you got to learn what a jerk he is) and he used to flirt with women in front of me all the time. I used to get quite upset sometimes. It is lovely now not having to put up with all that shit.

Don’t mind her, she’s is fluffing his ego and he enjoyed it.
The comments on his clothing imo were probably genuine, DD is a goth and often is complimented by other goth style people and likewise she compliments them, for a teenager who barely talks, giving compliments is genuine.
Who knows? If he wants to be a cheater he will, otherwise let it go.

I wouldnt take it as flirting. I am a shop assistant and very friendly asking people about them and what they are up to especially when there is a silence if they are waiting for a while. Are you a Goth too. It's nice to have conversations with people you have things in common about.

My dh is a big handsome bear of a man. He gets flirted with a lot but he’s usually oblivious lol. At a Christmas party this year a young man was literally hanging off his arm all night. Dh was like “he’s a nice friendly chap” lol

it’s pretty disrespectful though isn’t it when you’re stood right there. I have to point it out to my dh who then gets flustered and excuses himself to avoid the person lol

I agree with @Kingdomofsleep

It's the fact this wasn't one way. Your partner was feeling a mutual attraction with this woman and was playing along with her. He shoukd have been making ut very clear he wasn't interested.

If he behaves like this right with other women right in front of you then you have a good idea what he is like when you aren't there.

And the fact he didn't bother to hide his interest in her by suggesting you check she whether she will be there when you go back is another slap in the face for you. Not behaviour of a respectful partner.

In that case the assistant should have been engaging with OP as well as her partner. Not just being " very friendly" with her partner and ignoring OP.

Sade is a goddess, what would she want with a bum!

Everyone's DP has flaws, don't get me wrong. But my husband is pretty straight bat with this stuff.

We don't get it often, but I've seen it a couple of times. He does this quite funny formal thing where he speaks to the person as if they're 90 etc. It usually just means they fall quickly back into the right box of conversation.

I think the problem here comes when a person (like the OP's partner) decides to eagerly accept the bait and gets right into the flirting.

Fire burns out pretty quickly without fuel, and a person who is trying this kind of stuff can be shut down in 60 seconds if you take the right approach.

DH had an admirer for a while. It was absolutely blatant. I found the best way to deal with it was to bring it out into the open and then ignore it. It faded away in its own time , but i'm sure he misses the gifts!

I agree with PP, the issue here is not necessarily the sales assistant flirting, but how your DP reacted to it. I don't particularly think joking back etc is a problem but allowing you to be excluded (if he did) and the comment afterwards would piss me off.
Just for amusement, I'll share the weirdest 'flirting with you DH' I've experienced. DH and I were at an event at our DC's primary school. Parents were all asked to get up and join in with a dance (my idea of hell, DH quite likes that sort of thing). One of the younger mum's who neither of us had ever spoken to before pushed her way in between DH and I and started trying to sort of dance with DH (matching his 'moves', looking at him, nudging up to him etc). I assumed she hadn't realised we were together and was was just enjoying a bit of a tongue in cheek cheesy dance (as did DH apparently). But as we went back to our seats she said 'I love getting in between married couples, with this body I always win!' The look on DH's face simply said WTF

I'm on the fence whether she fancied him or it was just friendly on her side because she found the delay awkward and since she likes the same fashion and music as him so found it easier to talk to. It's possible she sensed how he reacted to her and wanted to seem friendly and diffuse the tension.. but in both cases the problem is your partner he was the disrespectful one specially to bring it back again.

On the wider topic of flirting with other half's there could be many reasons:

Didn't realise they were a couple because of how they look or act together

Weird jealousy and insecurity competition, a 'jolyne' game to spite the partner, 'look, I can get your man/woman if i want to'

Cockold fetish

Lack of respect to the partner: think they are better than the partner they settled with

The partner encouraged the flirting and gave the impression they are available (as an open relation or separated)...

My DH is very attractive and yes women flirt with him all the time. To be honest, it makes me laugh because he is usually pretty oblivious 😂 we've been together 35 years and it's become a bit of a joke - me and his best friend laugh about it, if we're on a night out, his friend is used to it, he says when they were at school girls would walk home with him (the friend) and he'd think great and then they'd always say 'I really fancy X do you think he likes me?' 🤣

I’m married to the world’s biggest flirt. He’s also the most monogamous man I’ve ever met, he hasn’t strayed an inch in 28 years. It makes me laugh and it undoubtedly cheers up the women he flirts with.

Men like him were very confusing to me when I was young but now I'm older I see how they get just enough thrill and ego boost from flirting without jeopardizing the safetynet at home. It's good that you're not upset by his habit.

MyDH wouldn’t notice if another woman took all her clothes off and sat on his lap. When we were younger women did try to flirt with him but he has only ever had eyes for me.