My birthday

[BingIsABrat]

Every single year I make a fuss out of my dhs birthday without fail. We’ve been together for 12 years, out of those 12 years I’d say he’s bothered with my birthday about 4 times and one of the times were because I made a point.

It’s my birthday next week and I already know it’s going to be the same. He has no money (I know this cos he showed me his bank account earlier) and he’s point blank said, don’t expect a surprise cos he hasn’t got me anything not even a card. He then went on to say the car we both bought for both of us (in July) was my birthday present, and the gifts he got me for Christmas (which I must say he only got me gifts for Christmas because again, I made a point) were for my birthday too🤣

Apperently I’m an adult so I don’t need a card or anything. Except this doesn’t ring true when it’s his mum or work mates etc.

AIBU to be annoyed yet again? I’m not being entitled or spoilt but I’d be happy with a card or a cheap bunch of flowers and I don’t even get that. He knows it comes around each year so not sure why it takes him as a surprise?

My best friend knows what hes like so she’s come through and ordered me stuff from the kids cos she knows he won’t and how upset I was last year.

For context , last year he bought me nothing , I was upset so he went round his mums and he gave him
some of her perfume to give to me . I only found this out because I saw the messages from her a few months later. My own family don’t bother with me in like the black sheep of the family so I’m lucky to even get a call from my mum or dad on my birthday let alone a card so I don’t know maybe it feels worse 😔

Do for him what he does for you.

See, this bigger person and moral high ground shit is just that - crap.
treat him like he treats you. Stop treating him how you want to be treated.

You are worth more.

Op I could have written this it's actually my birthday next week. It's not unreasonable and is this part of a bigger issues around immaturity and lack of responsibility? If so I'm in the same situation and planning to leave as our relationship is more parent child than a partnership. Solidarity and hope you are OK. Go and do something nice with your best friend who sounds great xx

Yeah I think I am actually going to.
i say it every year but this year I am. I’ve sat there in tears every single year and now my birthday just
reminds me how unappreciated I am so I might just write it off completely! Thank you x

Happy birthday for next week I’m sorry this is happening to you aswell! I think it’s cos it’s not about him, it’s the same Mother’s Day aswell he thinks it’s a waste of money. Unless it’s his mum of course🙂 I’m going out for the day with my kids and she’s away. He promised to book the day of work for my birthday, he hasn’t🤣x

I don't understand adults wanting to have their birthdays marked in any way.

Well if that’s how you feel then I’m pleased for you.
i know for a fact if I didn’t so much as get him a card he’d mope around.

Hi OP. i would suggest that rather than relying on others to mark your birthday, you take time (and money) to mark it yourself ; a spa day, new outfit, lazy bath, boat trip with afternoon tea. make the most of spoiling yourself and really enjoy it. then cut back on buying gifts for him. have a lovely day whatever you chose to do x

I agree with PP, and I know that’s not really the point. But do something nice for yourself. Take yourself out, or buy something nice. It’s your birthday
(I sometimes pick a random day to spoil myself too, and have a very merry unbirthday)

Don’t do anything for his birthday.

Look you've got time to sort something for yourself. Plan something with your mates. Don't sit and wait to feel disappointed.

Tell him that he's right. Adults shouldn't expect gifts, so this year going forward. That you're both responsible for your own birthdays and there will be no more gift giving from you either.

So the fuck what if he mopes. Let him mope. Plan to go out on his birthday so you don't have to look at it.

Always return the same energy.

Yeah that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to take the kids out for the day and treat them. Last year was the last year he got anything from me unless he pulls his finger out , thank you x

12 years?

Sucker for punishment, aren’t you

OP I think the more pressing question is why are you married to this man? And why have you stayed for 12 long years?

Poor kids, can’t imagine a very happy home with you two like this

I don’t have mates really. I’ve got my best friend but she’s on holiday at the moment for another 2 weeks! Makes it worse she took time out of her honeymoon to order me presents for my birthday from my kids cos he cba! But I’m not doing it for him no more , his birthday and Father’s Day can piss right off

That's ok. But do you understand that when you love someone and care for them you do things that are important to them (whether you understand the appeal or not)? Because that's the issue. It's not about birthdays. It's about listening to what your partner is telling you they need and caring enough to do it.

There's always one fun sponge on every adult birthday thread 🙄

OP stop making a fuss on his birthday. In fact this year I think I'd forget it entirely. Plan something nice for yourself on his birthday and don't even mention it. Sod him.

As an aside it's an actual disgrace that your friend is having to step in to get you stuff from the kids because he can't be arsed. So not only is he a shit partner but a shit dad. Brilliant.

He doesn't sound very nice so I think it's bigger than just about a gift. But I agree with the others, don't do anything for his birthday because "he's an adult" and he clearly doesn't think it matters so he doesn't need anything. Treat yourself for your birthday instead.

I beg your pardon? How does this post seem like it’s an unhappy home? I’m sorry I come on here a lot and for example round about Mother’s Day there’s 100s of posts saying about how useless men are because they didn’t get them anything. It doesn’t mean they are not happy. It means that most men are fucking useless, could be the happiest couple in the world but can’t change some men and the way they are.

For your information we are very happy and a very happy family, he’s just so fucking awful at gift giving but thank you

Why on earth do so many women put up with these utterly shit men? So many threads on here about exactly the same selfish, thoughtless, disrespectful behaviour. Either dump him, or if you won't do that, sit him down and make him explain why he thinks it's fair for you to treat him on his birthday but for you to get absolutely nothing from him, year after year. Explain how it makes you feel. From the sound of him, he won't care and will just make pathetic excuses though. Certainly you should never buy him a card or a present ever again. Not a single one.

He is he’s just shit at birthdays and then he says about all the stuff he’s got me throughout the year which is normal stuff ie ironing board, new hoover etc. That’s not gifts or treating me 🤣 I’m not spoilt but fucking he’ll, he’s been out for his friends birthday meal not long ago and wouldn’t entertain the idea of us going out because we have a home and a cooker 🙄

Apparently he doesn’t want anything ever on his birthday but I know if I didn’t get him nothing he’d sulk and then I’d get his mum on my back 🤣

It’s a waste of time honestly, I’m not getting him a single thing on his birthday trust me.
For Christmas he had to borrow money to get my presents and then I had to pay back said money, at the time I didn’t know what it was for it was only recently I found out I’d now actually paid for my own Christmas presents 🤣

Oh come on. Their dad’s a thoughtless twat and has been for years, and their mum is understandably angry and upset about it and now intends to do the same to him, and says he will be pissed off

How is that going to be a happy home? He’s a twat. You clearly think that too.

Apperently I’m an adult so I don’t need a card or anything. Except this doesn’t ring true when it’s his mum or work mates etc.

So he’s not shit with them.

Just with you, his wife.

I’ve sat there in tears every single year

every birthday, Mother’s Day, christmas - he gets you bugger all, knowing you have only
one friend and you’re the black sheep of your family.

Honestly @BingIsABrat you and your kids deserve better

@BingIsABrat
Im unsure why you're with this prince amongst men?

What are his good points??