To want to be served.

[wellstopdoingitthen]

To expect to be served in a pub in order even though I’m a woman.

I went into a pub yesterday with a group of people mostly men and five women. We queued at the bar and although I was second in the line, the two bar staff (one male & one female; both 20s/ 30s), I was completely ignored. One by one the men were served ignoring me and another woman at the bar. Finally the fella started serving me (I ordered two pints) but then continued to serve a man who came up next to me and asked for a Guinness. The female bartender then asked if I was being served so I told her what had happened and she shrugged her shoulders and completed my order.

Later on I went back with another woman and waited; there were just us waiting to be served. Then a man came up next to me and lo and behold he was served before either of us despite us both pointing out to the bartender and the usurper that we were both before him. Again just a smile and a shrug.

I was used to this in the 1980s but I really thought that we had moved on from this sexism. I haven’t encountered this problem for years (and I do go to lots of pubs as I am interested in the history of them and I enjoy a nice beer or two).

I'm interested to hear if any other women have had a similar experience recently.

I've never particularly found that. I'd be bloody unimpressed by such service though.

Is it sexism, or are you particularly quiet/diffident?

How frustrating. I avoid my local because they have four bars and it’s anybody’s guess which one the two staff will choose to serve from,

That sounds bizarre. No, that’s never happened to me.

Never noticed this.

The instant you were 'ignored' you should have piped up: 'I'm next!' Don't just stand there like a lemon.

“I’m next, two pints please!” Loudly
Don’t allow them to ignore you.

"Bar presence" is a skill. I'm sure gender does come into it but from point of blokes being pushier/more confident trying to get served.

I remember working a bar one night and there was a really quiet lady just stood there for ages. I felt awful when I realised she wasn't getting served and had been waiting, but she just wasn't doing a 'please can I be served?' face or action.

You need to speak up. “Sorry I think I was next, 2 pints please”. Don’t let them ignore you.

Did they also serve the men that you went there with before yourself?

If so you should also be questioning why none of those spoke up and insisted that as you were before them you got served first.

Whether it's male or female before me if I'm approached by bar staff I always first I always turn to the person and say "they were before me"

Standing at the bar is the action!

Me and my husband walked into a restaurant with my brother and his wife for some lunch and asked if they had any tables and he looked my brother in the eye and answered that he did and proceeded to ask him how many we were etc.
I asked another question as we were being seated and again he looked straight at my brother and husband and answered.
I paid as it was my treat for my brother and even when I paid by my own card at the table he thanked my brother and husband and wished them a good afternoon.
Food was lovely but I did wonder if he clicked why he didn’t get a tip?

Yes, I did this and at one point the server began pouring one pint, however he then continued to serve the other person (who had jumped the queue). I spoke up very loudly asking if I was invisible.

I am most definitely not timid at the bar, as I have already said, I haven’t encountered this for thirty years.

Many moons ago we'd start off a Guinness if asked when we were already serving someone else. Is that what happened or did the staff just completely abandon your order? Because that sounds very odd.

Years ago as a student I was overlooked by bar staff in a loud, crowded bar for so long that by the time I finally got my bloody drink, my friends assumed that I'd caught the bus home and moved on to the next bar and I had to neck the bloody drink and go outside to phone up and see where they'd gone. With a small build, it can be hard to get attention in a crowd and it was the kind of place where you have to bellow your order and hope the bar staff heard.

I don't miss the logistics of city centre drinking!

I’d interrupt loudly and say excuse me but I’m next to be served

This has never happened to me, I suspect it has more to do with assertiveness and presence than being a woman.

A bloke pushed in ordered a Guiness and the fella started pouring it. At the same time I complained that I was still being ignored. He asked me what I wanted and started pouring the first pint (having worked behind a bar myself I know that it takes a while). However, he then asked Guiness man if he wanted anything else, man asked for a list of drinks which the server immediately began to prepare, leaving my first pint under the tap & the second one (from a hand pump) was not started. I was literally open mouthed at this and complained again. At this point the woman asked what I wanted and I told her what had happened. As I said shrugged and completed my order.

I did! I most certainly didn’t stand there ‘like a lemon’ or any other citrus fruit!

I don't think this one was because you're a woman. In my experience women tend to get prioritised at the bar.

Ok that is odd. I think I'd have voted with my feet and gone somewhere else tbh. Definitely when it happened a second time!

Was this a long bar with a number of staff? If so did each member of staff have a small section of the bar they were serving. Sometimes you need to work out which staff member is responsible for the bit of bar you are at. I've always found getting served at a bar is a bit of a black art for all and not always easy to see who is in the queue or not, currently being served etc.

I think you're reaching to ascribe this to anything more than one barman being a bit crap at his job and getting distracted. Nothing to do with your gender.

Our you can start engaging with them yourself, just gently, maybe mention how glad you were when they accepted your booking, so they understand it’s your party.

if they then put the bill near one of the men rather than to you or in the middle of, it’s fair enough to write them off.

Use your words.

Oh and as you're interested to hear if any other women have had a similar experience recently - no.

I think you just got unlucky with one member of staff op!

Never, ever had this experience. If anything, I've noticed I tend to get served before DH.