To want to be served.

[wellstopdoingitthen]

To expect to be served in a pub in order even though I’m a woman.

I went into a pub yesterday with a group of people mostly men and five women. We queued at the bar and although I was second in the line, the two bar staff (one male & one female; both 20s/ 30s), I was completely ignored. One by one the men were served ignoring me and another woman at the bar. Finally the fella started serving me (I ordered two pints) but then continued to serve a man who came up next to me and asked for a Guinness. The female bartender then asked if I was being served so I told her what had happened and she shrugged her shoulders and completed my order.

Later on I went back with another woman and waited; there were just us waiting to be served. Then a man came up next to me and lo and behold he was served before either of us despite us both pointing out to the bartender and the usurper that we were both before him. Again just a smile and a shrug.

I was used to this in the 1980s but I really thought that we had moved on from this sexism. I haven’t encountered this problem for years (and I do go to lots of pubs as I am interested in the history of them and I enjoy a nice beer or two).

I'm interested to hear if any other women have had a similar experience recently.

Agree. I used to work on some very busy bars indeed and always kept an eye on the order people in which arrived at the bar. When anyone tried to push in, they’d be politely but firmly told that “this lady/gentleman was here first” and be made to wait their turn. But there are plenty of poor bar staff out there (don’t even get me started on the time some of them take to pour a drink) as well as some rude/pushy customers.

Ah! So you’re one of THOSE people.

When I worked in a bar we would serve other people alongside the Guinness or Murphys orders because they took an age to pull.
We also went for the men first because their orders tended to be some multiple of pints, for which they'd pay with a note and say keep the change. And if a man was standing with a woman, we'd turn to him as we would assume he was buying.
This was 40 years ago though. I'd have thought/hoped things had changed.

This always happens to me. I become invisible at bars. I have no presence.

Sharpen your elbows. Its a skill regardless of sex/ gender. You have to predict which way the person in front of you will turn after they've been served and angle in.

I agree that the Guinness bar man was rubbish at his job. He should have started the Guiness and then returned to finish OP's order. I disagree that bar presence is a skill. It's maybe not necessary in a reasonably quiet establishment, but in a packed bar there definitely are tricks you can deploy to make sure you get services. Having read OP's updates it sounds like she was doing all the right things to get attention too so maybe all of the staff were a bit crap at their jobs. All these things can be true at once.

Having worked behind a bar it’s incredibly difficult to work out who to serve and in what order
sometimes you just onto into auto pilot and serve the next person you see or the loudest

and before any flames me for this
it’s a min wage job with shit hours and pissed people to deal with
so yes your customer service skill sometimes go on the back burner

Ask for the manager. If its
The manager doing ask the the owner. If still no one giving a fuckeave comments on sm. they will soon learn the hard way.

yes, when i worked in a bar i was constantly scanning for new faces so i knew who was up next.

The people who got bumped down (didn't tell them, just skipped over them) were the ones who would bang a coin on the bar and say "when you'Re ready, luv"

To be honest I do absolutely fuck all at the bar and very rarely have a problem getting served, busy or not, maybe I have natural bar presence 😂😂. If you don't have that skill, you should still get served. It's still on the server not on the customer, awkward or shy/reserved/autistic people are still just as deserving of good service. It's not really an excuse to say they didn't have "bar presence" so I favoured some knob

There's nothing worse than waiting to be served and a group come along employing the "tricks to get served" tbh (in this case its guiness man). Or someone who thinks they can be served quickly because they catch the bar tenders eye.

Naaah, its not that hard to figure out roughly what the pecking order is at the bar. Also, most customers know too and more often or not will defer to the person who has been waiting longer if the barperson is unsure. What I hated was the men reaching over from the back of the queue with a folded note to get your attention or the women whining 'ladies first' in an attempt to skip the queue.

Lots of people I know who have done bar work say they ignore the note wavers!

I get confused when people actually queue for the bar now, as in lines rather than just standing at the bar. But bar staff often line up a few orders at once, especially I'd someone wants a Guinness as they are poured half then topped up.

Not RTFT but did anyone elses' mind go straight to this?

‘Excuse me, I was next!’

I certainly wouldn’t quietly and meekly accept it.

Something similar has happened to me a couple of times lately. Like OP I was surprised. I'm pretty good at saying 'Me Next' but sometimes it's very difficult and you don't want to look petty.
I agree, this was standard in the '80s , and I also thought we had moved on. Agree, women are just as bad as men.
Another thing that really annoyed me lately was going into a pub which was very noisy. I ordered a drink, but couldn't hear what the barman was saying. Said 'pardon' about three times and I saw the barman raise his eyes to heaven at his mate next to me at the bar. It's very difficult to challenge someone on their eye expressions!

No that’s never happened to me. But I wouldn’t find a smile and a shrug acceptable - I’d escalate it (review online, write to the manager or protest more at the time). I’d be polite but pointed.

Still happens lm afraid. Happened to me last week, l get to a bar about 60-90 seconds before a guy. Bar men finishes off serving their existing customer. Asks who is next, l say it's me as it was me. He then says no, it's this man and starts serving him. I roll my eyes and say no it wasn't but l get bored of debating it. The guy then starts faffing and dithering about what he wants 🙄. I knew exactly what l wanted! Infuriating

Yes this happens to me all the time and really infuriates me. I’m middle aged and 5ft 2in and I honestly think I become invisible when I go to the bar to get served, I stand up on the rail, lean forward, hold my card in my hand and I try to approach the bar at a point where a server is working and smile at them so that they can see I’m there and waiting my turn to order, but they always ignore me and serve people who arrive later. I used to think it was because I was a woman because the staff always seem to serve the men first even if they’ve arrived after but maybe it’s an age or height thing. Bloody annoying though.

I used to work with someone who would take the notes then go back to serving the “correct” next person - when the note waver would incredulously shout “oi!”, he’d give the note back with an innocent, “Oh sorry, I assumed that was my tip.” And just carry on serving in the right order.

A good bar person will always know who's next. Bar presence? Just being there and looking over means you want a drink I should imagine.
It's happened to me a couple of times and I will call them out. I reckon it happens so the locals/big spenders take priority. That's my observation.

Gender comes in to it given that males are in the majority at bars

Yeah I think some of the commentors on here suggesting complaints to the manager, trashing them on social media, and emailing suggesting they have more training should remember you're talking about minimum wage workers doing a tiring and generally shitty job, dealing with pissed (often coked) up people at unsociable hours.
It's not exactly ruining your night to wait an extra 2 minutes for a drink, try not to take it so seriously.

Unfortunately barwork is not taken seriously in this country and it is seen at best as a part time student or filler job while you look for something else or at worst activity looked down on. I have worked in some brilliant pubs when I was younger, be it hopping busy city venues through to sleepy country pubs and I was lucky to have some brilliant managers who trained me properly in front of house customer service as well as behind the scenes running of a pub. Yes, it was often minimum wage and at times shifts were exhausting being on yoir feet all night but we had fun and for the most part the punters were decent folk. I never subscribed to the idea that because it was minimum wage it gave you an excuse to not do a proper job. It makes me sad when I see bar staff scrolling on their phones when their are waiting customers or tables full of empties. Generally I found it was no coincidence that if I did my job well I got loads of tips!

I’d just say it’s me next thank you and get served , just speak up.

Agree, why even bring it to the forum.
You just pipe up im next in a casual tone. Why didnt you do that, is it the first time you have e er ordered a drink?

You could even have your note in your hand or your card ready.

Bar people dont always notice whose next you just mention it. Job done.

Im sure that not for one minute did they do this deliberately.