To want to be served.

[wellstopdoingitthen]

To expect to be served in a pub in order even though I’m a woman.

I went into a pub yesterday with a group of people mostly men and five women. We queued at the bar and although I was second in the line, the two bar staff (one male & one female; both 20s/ 30s), I was completely ignored. One by one the men were served ignoring me and another woman at the bar. Finally the fella started serving me (I ordered two pints) but then continued to serve a man who came up next to me and asked for a Guinness. The female bartender then asked if I was being served so I told her what had happened and she shrugged her shoulders and completed my order.

Later on I went back with another woman and waited; there were just us waiting to be served. Then a man came up next to me and lo and behold he was served before either of us despite us both pointing out to the bartender and the usurper that we were both before him. Again just a smile and a shrug.

I was used to this in the 1980s but I really thought that we had moved on from this sexism. I haven’t encountered this problem for years (and I do go to lots of pubs as I am interested in the history of them and I enjoy a nice beer or two).

I'm interested to hear if any other women have had a similar experience recently.

That’s really odd and I have never had that! It’s shocking

Yes, I had it once in the 1980s, when the two barmaids on duty served all the men around me, ignoring me. It was deliberate as one actually smirked about it.

Again in the 80s, I once arrived on my own at a pub where I was going to stand the first round for anyone & everyone from my department. The landlord served me promptly but made it obvious I was beneath his notice - until other people arrived a few at a time & he realised what was going on, at which point he brightened up & I was suddenly a very valued customer. 😁

Were you standing chatting rather than looking like you wanted to be served, looking at staff, eye contact. I've sometimes been waiting and not sure who wants to be served and who is just standing there.

when I was young I was never ignored at the bar despite being very short but now I'm middle aged male bar staff don't see me anymore. I do speak up but it's very tedious having to be alert to ensure I don't get queue jumped. Tbf female bar staff have never been a problem.

and it's why I'm quite happy to go to places where you order by app!

Yes you need to speak up when other people get incorrectly served instead of you. I always do.

In the days before everyone started using phones to pay, it was much easier to catch the bar staff's attention, you simply waved a £10 at them, but these days I think it is harder, and also to my surprise, there are still a lot of women who don't like to order the drinks, so if they're with men, they tend to let them order. Whether this is because they have experience of being ignored by the bar staff I don't know, but if as a woman I found myself being ignored, I would first of all speak up, and if that didn't work, I'd speak to one of the guys waiting to be served, and ask him if he'd shout and point out that I'm waiting. Then the next day, if I was feeling really pissed off about it, I would put something on their FaceBook page, or email them complaining that their bar staff need more training, to spot who is waiting to be served, and to ensure they keep an eye out for women who aren't as pushy as the blokes.

I’ve not had this either, sorry OP. The stopping serving you to start serving someone else thing sounds a bit odd. Only thing I can think is he thought he could start the slow pour you need for the man’s Guinness and leave that to do its thing, coming back to your more straightforward pints while the Guinness was still pouring?

As someone who has worked behind a bar and was a regular barfly in my younger years I agree with PP that bar presence is a skill. You need to get your elbows on the bar, lean in a bit and make sure you take up some space. It's particularly important for woman to do this because men tend to be naturally a bit taller and wider than woman and it easy for us to get overlooked at a busy bar. Having your payment method in your hand can also be helpful because it indicates you are waiting to order and not just hanging out at the bar (because some people do do that). Try to make eye contact with the people working behind the bar and when you do catch their eye smile and hold their gaze. This means that even if they're not ready to take your order yet they will have clocked you are there and should make a mental note to come back to you. Be friendly and polite. If they go to someone near to you who you and you know you were there first say "Sorry I think I was next" but don't get snippy and pull up their colleagues because it's hard work being behind a busy bar and not always easy to see who is next!

I mean she was standing by the bar. That's really on you

Yes bar presence is necessary when the bar staff are being a bit shit, but it is actually on the bar staff to ensure customers get served and not just serve people who are pushy

In the days before everyone started using phones to pay, it was much easier to catch the bar staff's attention, you simply waved a £10 at them,

That brings back memories!

As I have previously said, he served the Guiness man, then me (because I complained) then went back to take the rest of G man’s order, abandoning mine!

I’ve never experienced this, actually quite the opposite in that women tend to get served first in my experience!

I would say I have definitely had men who barge in and insist on shouting their order when your waiting, that's common. Usually good bar staff ignore them

What's not common is multiple others getting served before you and not pointing out you were first, usually people are pretty good at pointing out someone waiting

Nope, I’m petite and quiet (I don’t have a big presence) but haven’t really experienced this. I’ve had to wait obviously but never felt ignored when ordering drinks.

It's happened a couple of times when people have been served before me at the bar when I've been there longer, but never someone stopping my order halfway through to do someone else's.

And I've mostly found that the other person tells the bar staff I was there first.

I don't think it's a gender thing as other women have been served before me, but I have wondered if those particular bar staff just took an exception to me or my "face doesn't fit" or something.

I was leaning on the bar, obviously trying to catch their attention but men were served to my left, right and behind.

The second incident the other woman and I were the only people waiting. He definitely saw us, I had an empty glass in my hand. The man walked up next to me and the fella immediately asked “what can I get you?”
we both said, “we were actually here first” he just smiled and shrugged. We were both incredulous.

My pet hate in pubs is the bar person turning around saying "who's next?". You should have a mental note in your head exactly who the next three customers are. When I was pulling pints this was drilled into us by our manager so the loud bloke waving £20 about didnt jump the line.

Again bar presence shouldn't have to be a skill.

The male bar tender is shit at his job. He shouldn't have served guiness man and abandoned OPs order. You can't provide blatant poor service and expect customers not to get snippy or complain ffs

And tbh as someone who's naturally fairly quiet and shy I don't struggle to get served. Most bar tenders do notice you even if you aren't shouting and waving a tenner about. Bar presence is actually not a necessary skill if the bar tender is half decent

I haven’t stood queing at a bar for a long time but my experience was that the women got served first. When I worked in pubs I served in order.

Never happened to me

I was in Curries wanting to spend £100 , did all the research went instore and couldn't find what I wanted, I went to the counter and waited eventually a man came out of a side area walked towards me saw a man in the middle isle half way down turned and went to serve him.
Eventually he came to me I don't think I was looking happy, I asked why he went to serve the MAN instead of me his excuse he didn't work on the tills and he was just showing him something I replied I just wanted to be shown something which was very true.
I then commented that I didn't appreciate his misogynist attitude he just said did I need any help I said yes directions to the nearest store which I could buy what I wanted.

Happens to me in the city all the time. I try and just go to the places you order on the app as I can’t be arsed with it.

Yes, people have different biases at play.

Today I watched a server serve a very smartly dressed business woman, even though a young looking woman in a cap and jeans (around 20) was first in the queue.

I think he didn’t even really see the younger woman, his eyes honed on the business woman.

In bars I make a mental note of who was ahead of me and pipe up that I need to be served next. I’m only 5’2” and don’t wear heels so can get ignored if I don’t pipe up quickly.

I don’t think it’s about gender tbh, generally at bars there’s no queue and it’s whoever gets the attention of staff first. As opposed to whoever’s been waiting the longest.

It's super rude to "wave £10" at bar staff and always has been. It's the pub equivalent of clicking your fingers at a waiter!