Ex on holiday for 'space' with a girl

[Newtothis213]

My on/off ex has been asking for space to decide what he wants, lots of history over a few years but not relevant to the story.

He has now booked a city break with a friend (female) and has said we'll speak when he's back. Can't decide if I'm being a mug to hang around and give him space or whether to move on. Obvs I'm concerned something happens between them when they're away - I don't think anything is going on right now since hes asked to talk to me when home

AIBU to be furious hes done this even though we're not together?

It shouldn’t be this hard OP. Make space for someone new.

If its on/off then consider it off forever. If you wanted to be together and worked well together you’d have been on from the day you started seeing each other.

Get rid

Have some self respect and tell him to go fuck himself.
He’s playing you.

Don’t feed his ego anymore, he’s not going with just a friend, she’s a fwb at least, or latest ‘gf’ he’s playing, he’s not going to tell you that because he might ruin his chance of a return shag with you. There’s nothing more empowering than rejecting swerms like him that think they are gods gift to play women, stop putting him on a pedestal , he doesn’t care or love you, but you absolutely should give yourself priority and put yourself first, do whatever you need to do, date others, stay single but don’t reward him with anymore of your time.

@Newtothis213

I voted YABU for the simple reason that no one should hang around an on/off relationship waiting for the other person to 'decide'. No, YOU decide. You're giving him the best of both worlds. He has you when he wants a 'relationship' and he has freedom when he 'needs space'. Bullshit. Quit being the 'fallback girl'.

You need to cut him loose. Tell him that you are both 'getting space' and he's welcome to contact you once he's made his decision. And you will contact him likewise, IF you decide he's worth it. (Hint: he's not).

Same goes if you've been on/off with him too. The fact that a person 'can't decide' is proof that either they aren't ready for a relationship or that the other person isn't 'the one'.

He is stringing you along. Do not meet him when he’s back. Block him and focus on making yourself happy.

Its not space he is after is it?
Take your dignity and cut him out of your life. He's playing you. And you deserve better than that

Never let a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you.

Don't be the back girl....the fall back for when there's nothing else available.

Men who want to be with you never leave you questioning it. They just show up and make it obvious.

My guess is that this "on/off relationship" goes like this.....he meets someone else and declares your "relationship" over, new shag dumps him/gets too needy he dumps her and whaddya know he's suddenly seen the error of his ways and begs for another chance...rinse and repeat. So do what any woman with an ounce of sense in her head would do and dump his sorry arse for good. That includes blocking him (can't for the life of me see why you wouldn't want to).As my mum used to tell me "having no man is better than having a shitty one, less pain that way".

He's your ex. He can do what he wants, as you've split up.

Get a grip he’s fully open with what he’s doing and with who
you choosing to accept this is your fault not his

it’s as though you like the drama as you said you won’t block him but ignore him this has got drama and game playing from both of you written all over it

In my experience men who want "space" plan to fill it with somebody else. I wouldn't be waiting round for him to see whether the new woman works out or not and he has to fall back on his second choice. Honestly, relationships don't have to have all this angst. Block and move on for your own self-respect.

YABU to have a on again /off again ex. He is using you while keeping his options open, and you are stupidly and blindly going along with it. Even the 'not blocking him but I'll ignore him if he contacts me' is immature game playing. Try counselling to get to the bottom of why you are willing to accept so little. To answer your question, you know that you are being a mug and should move.

Thanks for all the harsh feedback. The reason we've been on and off is mostly my fault due to me feeling insecure. Maybe driven by his behaviour. I can block him but we know each other through work so he could message my other number so I dont see the benefit of blocking. I don't see him daily but will see.him at some point.

Taking on board what everyone has said as regardless of whos fault it is, it needs to be done.

You are me 23 years ago. I was also insecure but that was down to his behaviour.
After the 3rd time of it being 'back on' ,when I saw the old signs returning I decided to get in there first and dumped him, that way he couldn't come crawling back pleading he'd made a mistake.
Best decision ever! Just tell him you've had time to think about it and you don't need the talk when he is back, it's over, now, permanently

@Newtothis213 can you understand why you've been given 'harsh' (or honest!) feedback? It's a nonsense situation. He's keeping you as a back up. If he was truly an ex, you wouldn't know that he was going away, let alone who with. I think @JackGrealishsCalves has given you excellent advice.

I’ve voted you’re being unreasonable because you’re even considering waiting around for this man.

On off relationships are for teenagers. Ditch this loser and want more for yourself.

Throw this one back OP.

I wasted 4 years with an on and off OP, it was my decision but based on his treatment of me.

If you're not secure in the relationship, then it's pointless.

If your insecurities affect relationships, then maybe focus on getting help for that and wait to date until you're ready.

Him going away with a female friend shows he isn't a considerate partner anyway, so best to get rid for good.

My ex used to come back and tell me what his wise female friends had to say about "my behaviour" glad I finally got rid.

Move on

He’s keeping you on hold to see whether he’s in with a chance with holiday friend.
of course he may be an honest soul, you’d know that better than us lot!
the fact you’re on here would suggest you’re not so sure.
on/off must be for many reasons otherwise it’d be ‘on’ no questions.
id move on, make the decision for him & your pride in tact

Give him space permanently. He’s asked for space so he can throw the “we were on a break” bull out there when/if you find out something has happened.

Take this time to work on yourself, your confidence, self esteem and self respect and you’ll never want anything to do with someone who can treat you like an option again.

Honestly. Men rely on women like you to keep being walkovers and allowing them to do as they wish with an itty bitty promise of well talk just to keep that ounce of hope stay. Get some self respect lady and tell him to get to fuck. He is away having a little holiday romance with his side chick. You know this. If u keep allowing yourself to be used he is going to keep doing its so make a decision or stop moaning.

Dear god, of course you are being a bloody mug. Do you have zero self respect? Just tell him to fuck off then block him.