Ex on holiday for 'space' with a girl

[Newtothis213]

My on/off ex has been asking for space to decide what he wants, lots of history over a few years but not relevant to the story.

He has now booked a city break with a friend (female) and has said we'll speak when he's back. Can't decide if I'm being a mug to hang around and give him space or whether to move on. Obvs I'm concerned something happens between them when they're away - I don't think anything is going on right now since hes asked to talk to me when home

AIBU to be furious hes done this even though we're not together?

Wow he’s got some neck! Don’t bother speaking when he gets back. He’s off to see if this new relationship works out and wants a fallback if it doesn’t

@Newtothis213Why won't you block him?

I don't think I have ever encountered an on/off relationship that turned out to be a match made in heaven. The reasons for the 'off' parts were usually incredibly evident, and the 'on' part should never have continued.

Honestly, OP, it's not meant to be this hard. Bin him off, you can do better.

Move on. You are worth more.

You can't decide if you're a mug?

Everyone else on here has decided for you. Get some self respect and block him. Honestly.

Not blocking him means you're letting him shag around with this one, keep you as a back-up, shag you again/as well, then maybe another shag with someone else. Then you'll see him married off with kids within the year. Then you'll really feel like a mug. Amiright, ladies?

Find someone else, move on.

"We were on a break"........

If you're happy with this and being second best, then carry on.

Mug.

You're not together.

Is this what you really want for a partner, some part timer who breaks up with you when he wants to bang other women and take them on trips then he comes back to you like you're his faithful dog bringing all these other women's flora and who knows what else?

Want better for yourself

You’re letting him have the power/control on your life.

Do you want him back? If not, then move on. If unsure, then it’s a ‘no’, because if you did, then it would be a ‘yes’.

I agree with everyone else.

The entire thread is unanimous- we think you need to move on.

Why are you hanging on to him? Do you have children together? Do you not think that you deserve better?

Has he put your relationship on pause so he can have a fling with this other woman?

What’s the point in being with someone who’s on/off - it obviously doesn’t work.

Separating once and trying it again 1 time is fine but if you break up a 2nd time then it obviously doesn’t work.

Bag all his stuff up and make this a fresh start.

I said yanbu for feeling what you're feeling but actually I think you are being unreasonable to continue to give time and energy to the same nonsense expecting a different result each time.

It's not supposed to be this difficult. Obviously relationships take work but you're supposed to be working at it together protectively, rather than one person working through insecurity and on off nonsense.

Bin him off, get yourself some counselling to work out why you're allowing this guy to take so much from you, and then move on and open yourself up to a guy who makes it clear they want to be with you.

I do think men are fairly straightforward in that if they really want something they make it happen. This guys lack of commitment and lack of decision IS a loud and clear message. The right guy will leave you in no doubt that he knows you're right for him and that he's equally committed as you. Don't settle for less.

I'd cut him loose - not because he holidays with a platonic friend who happens to be a woman (I hope not actually a girl), but because of this weird "space" thing. If he's not sure he wants to be with you, you don't need him. As George Washington (or maybe Carrie Bradshaw) said, "mejor solo que mal acompañado".

You are not a couple. He can go on holiday with anyone who wants to accompany him. You do not have to speak to him when he gets back. What's to talk about? He has not chosen you and he is not going to, and you will be fine without him.

Wave him off and say goodbye 👋🏼

He doesn't know what he wants? He is off on a city break with a female friend? You're meant to sit waiting to see if youre the chosen one upon return?

Tell him to do one! Block and find someone who treats you properly OP

Urgh I wouldn't want to be with someone who has to think about if they want to be with me. I'd want someone who is all in

Raise your bar.

men will only treat you how you allow them to treat you.

Don’t be a mug
What are you getting out of on/off insecurity with him, there’s a zilllion other guys out there, just because he’s familiar doesn’t mean he’s worth waiting for.

I think The Beautiful South solved this one in 1990...

YABU to still be entertaining this. If someone wants 'space' after a few years on and off they're just not that in to you. He's keeping a carrot dangling whilst he goes and sees if there's any better options for him.

Also op it might help you to reframe this. You seem to be very concerned with what he wants - take that out of the equation and look solely at his actions as opposed to his words. Are they enough for YOU? Do you want to be with someone who goes off on holidays with another woman and expects you to sit home waiting on him? Do you want someone who has issues with committing to you? Is that enough for you?

Get on board OP unless you want to be another shag partner to his other shag partner.
Raise the bar and dump him, an ex needs to stay an ex. He soon find another shag mug to join his harem.