Husband not washing

[PandorasBox7]

My husband of many years has stopped having a bath or a wash for several days. He is oldish and works part time so does have a bath and change his clothes on those days. I have told him he looks terrible etc but he doesn’t care. Is it an old man thing? I am starting to dislike him because of this Does anyone have any suggestions what I can do to get him to have a bath?

Sorry, no advice but that sounds horrible in a modern context, but I remember as a child in the 70s / 80s only having a bath once a week. Is he otherwise OK i.e. does he seem depressed?

Grim. But obviously he knows he needs to scrub up to be in public - does he care that it’s making you dislike him?

Are you sleeping in the same bed? Could you move into another room and refuse to sleep with him (or do anything else) unless he is clean?

No he just laughs about it. I gave him some lovely new clothes for Christmas he wore them once on Boxing Day they are now hanging up in the wardrobe

I already have and he is not bothered. I think he thinks there is nothing I can do about it which is true.

I assume you are not intimate. This would usually be motivation for most men to stay clean.

I have said I won’t be sleeping with you until you have a bath and he just shrugged his shoulders.

No not depressed at all. He used to have a very high powered job and wore a suit everyday. He retired 2 years ago and has thrown most of his suits away and now wears jeans and a jumper.

This is vile!! Not washing, there is no excuse at all. Drop the hint and buy him some lynx Africa and tell him that you wanted to give him a bj but there is no chance with the thought of a disgusting mouthful of smegma🤢🤢🤢🤢🍆

No it’s not an old man thing. My DH remains fastidiously clean, as did my lovely FIL.

But if he doesn’t want to wash and he doesn’t care about consequences, then there is little you can do, that you are not already doing.

OP losing interest in personal hygiene is a well established symptom of depression. I dont know if this is the case obviously but could this be it?

Perhaps start getting dressed up and going out more evenings with friends might motivate him? Leave him at home alone and stinking?

My father was a headmaster. But during the long summer school holiday he would never have a bath and went round wearing his old " gardening clothes". He would be unshaven . He stank. I can still remember the sickening smell of BO.
And no matter what my mother said to him he wouldn't listen. She couldn't shame him into hygiene. And yet when the school term began he was back in his suit, clean and tidy.

So I totally understand how horrible it is living with a man who shows such contempt for those who have to live with him.

How old are we talking? My DH and I are retired and wear very relaxed clothing but we are both fastidiously clean. My DM is 85 and showers every second day as she doesn't get at all sweaty.

🤢 grim.

What do you get from living with this soap dodger??

So how many days a week does he bath/shower? Is he not changing his clothes every day? If he baths several times a week I don’t understand why he ‘looks terrible’

My ex was like this. He bloody stank. Revolting. I didn't divorce him just for this reason, but it was a not insignificant contributory factor. How is your DH otherwise? Is he kind to you? Does he pull his weight around the home? You say there's nothing you can do and he knows it, but there are always options in any situation.

He is 70 but looks younger

He has a bath every 5 days on average. He doesn’t change he doesn’t brush his hair or teeth. I think he is being lazy and thinks it’s ok because he isn’t leaving the house.

Weird to get to 70 and then stop brushing your teeth! Does he have health checks with the GP? I wonder if something else is going on

At that age I would be worried that there was something else going on - when was the last time he had a check-up with the doctor?

I am glad he doesn’t know I am on this site. He just came down stairs and announced he has had a bath! I said yes but you haven’t changed the clothes you have been wearing for 4 days. I give up!

Last November they advised him to take statins because his cholesterol was slightly high. I advised him to exercise more and stop eating so much chocolate. Doctors seem to want older people to take statins all the time

I’d be tempted to throw the clothes in the wash whilst he has them off for his bath

Does he find it ok getting on and out of the bath? Would it be easier if you had a shower installed?