Husband not washing

[PandorasBox7]

My husband of many years has stopped having a bath or a wash for several days. He is oldish and works part time so does have a bath and change his clothes on those days. I have told him he looks terrible etc but he doesn’t care. Is it an old man thing? I am starting to dislike him because of this Does anyone have any suggestions what I can do to get him to have a bath?

My husband works exclusively from home and I noticed his personal hygiene slipping.
Ive talked to him about it as I can’t stand any kind of lack of hygiene and he’s improved though I do still have r remind him.
id have a chat and tell him you’d like him to shower/bathe more.

I have said often ”no-one like smelly little old men” (H had a stroke so vaguely mitigating circs) I also remind him my Mum, who was seriously handicapped by MS, insisted her carer ran her a bath (with hoist) daily to the end of her life.

I also oblige him to put his used clothes in the wash.

OP I think your husband is depressed.
When he gave up his job, he lost his identity and, in my view, sense of self worth and self esteem.
I think the fact his behaviour is tied in with retirement and clearing out his 'work' clothes says a lot.
Also the fact he has a job, I assume part time, and makes an effort when he has to go to work says a lot in my opinion.
I would try and explore if this might be the situation. I think the difficulty is if you don't reign it in now and allow it to continue it will get worse.
Perhaps try talking to your husband along these lines, retirement isn't for everyone.

Could be early signs of dementia?

I'd let him.

Husband is under no illusions that if he stinks I'll tell him to get his arse in the shower. Same with the kids.

Not brushing teeth is grim. Most decay happens at night when the gob dries out. I'd be telling him dare complain when he gets toothache on top

Does he have ED? Maybe doing this to avoid the embarrassment when trying to be intimate

...you can leave him...

Ask him to explain why he bothers to wash and brush teeth etc for his part time work days, but doesn’t bother when he is seeing you.

This is impossible to explain without him having to admit that he doesn’t care about your impression of him.

At which point I’d be saying so why should I stay with you?

Agree.

He's doesn't even wash unless he's leaving the house. He doesn't give a shit what you think or about sex with you. What's the point of him and the marriage? He's indifferent tp you at best and contemptuous at worst.

Leave him to his grimy self.

I would suggest that given his age and his relatively recent retirement coupled with the timing of this downward hygiene issue.... it all points toward cognitive decline and or depression.

My own husband, in his 30s, went through a stage where he literally did not wash for WEEKS during coving lockdowns and I literally cried somedays because quite frankly he was putrid. At first I just thought he was being a pig but eventually realised he was deeply depressed. Every now and then he'll skip a shower or two and I'll quickly remind him what happened when he gave up on himself last time and to make sure he was keeping on top of his mind.

I think you need to get to the bottom of why he is doing this. I would think he's lost himself being at home all the time having worked to a decent age. Maybe he needs something to get out and do most days.

She has already updated to say this is what she’s doing.

I am twenty years younger than my ex. When he got to 70, he repulsed me. He retired (from senior, media visible position) and just become gross beyond belief, almost overnight! Wearing same clothes over and over. Gardening, for example, and then going to bed, unwashed, putting same clothes on next day when he is going to call in to someone. Go to bank etc (always with these in person bank trips, an age thing I swear!) The stale smell was so rank.

teeth brushing - he kept brushing but it was job done in eight seconds. Toothpaste smell with bad breath underneath.

I actually started to find him sexually repulsive, quite literally hands, nails filthy. Hearing him grunting in the bathroom and barely wiping as he would reappear far too fast. I couldn’t let him near me. I started listening for water taps and realise he was no longer washing his hands… it just all built up! After twenty years we broke up!

Does he know he can give himself heart problems by not brushing his teeth?

Where is this update?

She posted saying she is leaving him to it as he said she’s bullying him about it.

Yes, leaving him to it... as in letting him rotten in his own filth. Not actually leaving him.

How old is he?

Oh! I must have read it without my glasses, it read she was “leaving him” and didn’t see the “to it”.

Apologies all…

I posted my commiserations to OP too, she must have thought I was mad 😂

Is he trying to hide any health issues? Someone I knew was trying to hide a tumour so made it that wife didn’t want to be intimate.

I assume he takes his clothes off at night? Pick them up and put them in the wash, then he'll have to put on clean clothes.

Oh that’s so sad.

I'll give a little of my experience on this situation by telling you about mine.

I spent a good while without employment and didn't go anywhere or see anyone regularly. I was depressed. Not take to my bed depressed, but low level bubbling away.

I found that I pulled on clothes I had worn the day before, would only shower and brush my teeth when going out (I didn't want people exposed to my uncleanliness and I knew the social expectations of being clean and presentable), but my goodness it felt like I'd climbed a mountain just getting ready. I was so bone tired, exhausted to my core.

At a worsening point I would also sleep in the clothes I'd worn the day before and wear them the next day. Always changed underwear though.

If you have loved your husband for X amount of years perhaps he does deserve you to try and dig a little deeper in to how he is feeling.

I wasn't exposing a partner to my hygiene -single, but I'd hope they'd notice that I was acting out of character.

Mine is 67. He is fastidiously clean and always has been. If he started soap-dodging I would think there was something wrong with him.

He has been better after I said I can’t stand another 10 years of you not washing. He has bathed twice now. I did have to remind him to change his clothes. Hopefully he is heading in the right direction.