Husband not washing

[PandorasBox7]

My husband of many years has stopped having a bath or a wash for several days. He is oldish and works part time so does have a bath and change his clothes on those days. I have told him he looks terrible etc but he doesn’t care. Is it an old man thing? I am starting to dislike him because of this Does anyone have any suggestions what I can do to get him to have a bath?

He is quite fit and he can have a shower if he wants to.

DF was like this. He gradually washed less and less until he was having a bath maybe a couple of times a year (no showers at all). I’m not joking. It was fucking disgusting. Combination of addiction, depression and pathological demand avoidance - the more you asked him to wash, the more he’d refuse on principle.

I was more wondering about his cognitive health and abilities.

Has anything else about his behaviour changed? I’m wonodering if it’s a first sign of dementia or other cognitive decline.

My husband is 75 and washes thoroughly and often (thirty years older).

I agree with PPs that most men would keep clean due to intimacy (which I'm happy to have dropped some years ago) and he's alright as well.

Are you in a position to walk away and live by yourself? Do you want to put up with this?

At my age, it would be a deal breaker and
I couldn't be bothered to "fix" him, even if depressed. No children, have my own assets in another country.

Harsh, but life is short.

Not brushing teeth would be an absolute deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t go near him, not allow him to sleep in bed with me. Vile.

He sounds depressed.

I know when my mood starts going low because I stop showering or changing my clothes.
I couldn’t WFH as my MH would suffer and I’d end up like your DH.

I would encourage him to get into some hobbies outside of the home - you say he bathes and changes for work, so going out will likely cause him to do the same.

A shower would be a lot easier for when you’re older though.

YABU for asking if it's an old man thing. Maybe some crusty old soap dodgers, but not this one 😂 Tell him to clean up and have some pride in his appearance!

It almost reads as though this is a sign of disrespect and contempt for you @PandorasBox7 how is your relationship besides him being unhygienic?

It is not “an old man thing” unless there is something else going on as well.
In this day and age 70 is not particularly old.
My husband is older and showers once a day, twice if he’s hot and sweaty .
Have you told him bluntly he stinks or do you have children who could tell him?

Kidnap his clothes and wash them as soon as he takes them off. When he's out of the house, go through his wardrobe and drawers and wash anything stale or smelly. (The wardrobe and drawers themselves might need cleaning if they smell stale)Tell him frankly he smells, and needs to shower or stripwash every day, get him some nice body and hair wash and body spray and make sure the bathroom is nice and warm when he showers. If you don't address it now it will get worse.

I have decided to leave him to it as he really won’t listen and accused me of bullying him about washing.

Does he change his pants daily?

You don't have to put up with this, OP.

Grim. Grim. Grim.

I’m so sorry. Do you have a plan in place?

He can bath for work but not for himself or you. Gross.

Cognitive decline...

How depressing for you.

Don't agree with suggestions to do his laundry for him when he's not looking. You're not his mother.

Can you afford to rent a nice short term apartment somewhere for a month?

If so, I'd be tempted to do that, explain once more how it's affecting you, and that you need some space/and to give him a chance to address things.

Basically a heavy hint this separation could become permanent unless he stops being filthy.

Do you think it would be a reality check? Do usually do a lot of cooking, cleaning etc around the house?

Sounds like he is checking out.

This reads like it’s her teenage son she’s dealing with and not a 70 year old man!

I think it shows contempt for you as he is willing to be clean for others outside of the house.

My Dad is mid 80s, my Mum died 18 years ago and he is still a very clean man. He does have some mobility issues but has an adapted bathroom with a walk in shower and seat for him to sit on to shower himself. He would never go unwashed or unshaven, he is too proud and I love that about him.

I think leaving is the right decision, this is no way to live. He will not change, he doesn't care.

I go few days without a shower or bath and I don't stink...

They grow old, not grow up.......the advice is based on a friend's experiences, finding her DH not only wasn't washing, but putting dirty stinky clothes back with clean ones, so they, the wardrobe and the whole room smelt stale.

You probably do but are noseblind to it. It's like not hearing your own tone or valuing your own house, you are not the best judge of any of these.