Suspect friend lied about parent having cancer

[MelloYellow]

Hello just wanting to get some opinions
im a 43 F who lost their DH to cancer.
I reconnected with an old friend and he’s lovely but a bit much - I’ve had to tell him about coming on too strong and he’s apologised.
He lives a few hours away and over Christmas he said he was coming to our home town in the new year,I wasn’t really feeling like meeting and then he told me his step mum had just been told she had cancer.He told me she had a lump ,and the consultant told her it was definitely cancer ,he had said he suspects stage 4,said about survival rates and her notes etc said cancer.
Fast forward to this week and suddenly she doesn’t have cancer ,they got it wrong .I suspect now it was said to get my attention.AIBU? Or Culf a consultant get it this wrong.Cancer is obviously very triggering for me.

*Could a consultant

I know a lady who was told she had liver cancer, and it turned out not to be. I imagine that is rare though.

I would back away. You're vulnerable. If you feel something is off, just don't get involved.

Could he/stepmum have misinterpreted notes?

I’m so sorry about your DH

She may have found a lump, but there is NO WAY of knowing stage etc until investigations are done. Sorry, but I don’t believe this at all

love the user name

yes exactly that.
Ive gone quiet and said how odd I find it and I’ve just received a text what did I mean by it being odd - I feels I think he’s making it up.
Im just not going to respond.

love the user name
yes exactly that.
Ive gone quiet and said how odd I find it and I’ve just received a text what did I mean by it being odd - I feels I think he’s making it up.
Im just not going to respond.

She found a lump and the consultant said it's definitely cancer and probably stage 4? 🤔

Yes I imagine that to be very very rare.It just feels off

It sounds far fetched. DH was told they were 99% sure he had cancer from his scans and presentation but at no point was it staged until the biopsy results were back.

Yes apparently she was having nodules or something removed
and they found one which the consultant said was cancer
and then he mentioned stages and survival rates
then said it was saying cancer in her notes
it’s bollocks

Yes I agree
mine was too from a CT
but it took ages to be staged

I very much doubt a consultant would guess about cancer or staging. It's a devastating thing to be told, so they would not 'suspect' the stage, they'd do the necessary tests and get all their facts straight before delivering the news to the patient. You could be right that he's elaborated to get your attention. If he has, and has picked on something that has caused you such distress in your own life then that's pretty unforgivable. I'm sorry for your loss OP.

No a consultant couldnt get this wrong. They would need to do tests to diagnose someone with stage 4 cancer.
When you say hes a bit much does he have a history of lying? Why did you lose contact?
Id distance myself.

The fact he’s said he feels think he’s making it up ,when all I’ve said is how odd I find it ,tells me he’s making it up.
Theres also no way it would say cancer in hospital notes until diagnosis

He’s a bit much.He claims it’s ADHD ,but I’m a teacher and struggle with that being used as an excuse at times for unacceptable behaviour in adults.
We never lost touch I just never really did social media much until lately.

It’s the stage 4 thing that’s bothered me.
Also the hospital notes.There is just no way.

You already feel he's pushing to fast and now this.
Trust your gut and dont contact him again

Yes he’s a goner.Its highly triggering
and in my experience with children/young adults when they say ‘I think you think I’m making this up’ it’s usually because they are

Who knows if he’s being honest or not, but the fact you’re even questioning this means your gut is telling you something ain’t quite right with him/the friendship. So for that reason is back off.

When I say he’s a bit much it’ll be message after message
late night messages when I’ve asked him not to as it wakes me and I have my phone on loud always as I have teenage children at uni.
the more I think about it the more fuming I am

Yes exactly this.

Now he’s angry
yeah because he knows I know it’s bull
hes now blocked

He could well be lying, but as a GP I know that things get lost in translation between hospital consultants and patients/families all the time. It’s really common for a patient to tell you one thing and then the letter from the hospital to arrive a few days later with a completely different take on things - not because anyone is lying, but because (especially when there’s a possibility of cancer) people can be very het up and not take in the nuance of what they’re being told. It’s also very possible that notes could say “highly suspicious of malignancy” or similar, but then the ultimate diagnosis be benign.

Will never forget the hospice patient with inoperable pancreatic cancer who just didn’t really deteriorate at all over a period of months. Lo and behold, when the scan was repeated they did not , in fact, have cancer at all, and whatever had been going on in their pancreas had completely resolved. They were extremely nice about it, though really would have been well within their rights to sue…

Even if it were true it would be insensitive to bring it up so bluntly given your recent history and loss.

However he's clearly pushing boundaries very early on
So 👋