Suspect friend lied about parent having cancer

[MelloYellow]

Hello just wanting to get some opinions
im a 43 F who lost their DH to cancer.
I reconnected with an old friend and he’s lovely but a bit much - I’ve had to tell him about coming on too strong and he’s apologised.
He lives a few hours away and over Christmas he said he was coming to our home town in the new year,I wasn’t really feeling like meeting and then he told me his step mum had just been told she had cancer.He told me she had a lump ,and the consultant told her it was definitely cancer ,he had said he suspects stage 4,said about survival rates and her notes etc said cancer.
Fast forward to this week and suddenly she doesn’t have cancer ,they got it wrong .I suspect now it was said to get my attention.AIBU? Or Culf a consultant get it this wrong.Cancer is obviously very triggering for me.

Please please please TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT. This is all very odd. IMO he is a narcissus and trying to reconnect to you, they often prey for vulnerable people. I would back away and keep anymore contact brief or non existent. Hopefully he will live on to his next victim. Iv seen this with a friend and couldn’t believe the lies that were being told and even believed. They believe their own lies so please don’t get mixed up in this nonsense. Sending love I’m sorry you’ve lost your husband and hope you have a good support network around you. X

Trust your gut.
He sounds unhinged.
In my experience i have found doctors to be very slow to commit either way until they have hard evidence.
He sounds highly manipulative. Yuck.

Good that you've got rid of him and blocked him.

To be fair to him however, it is possible that he got the wrong end of the stick. A lot of people awaiting the diagnosis of cancer, what type it is and what stage etc, understandably think of the worst case scenario and it's possible his stepmum was talking like this and he's thought she meant she had actually been diagnosed with stage 4 and then it turned out it wasn't.
Relatives of mine were talking like that when one of them was going in for tests for cancer. It was cancer but it had been caught early. However, the closest relatives were telling the rest of the family that he had stage 4 and had only a short time to live because they'd googled or misinterpreted what the consultant or said or something.

However, the very fact you even thought he had made it up to get attention means that you have enough doubts about him to dump him immediately.
Also he was coming on "too strong" and contacting you too much and making you feel uncomfortable.
Was it just a friendship in your eyes? Sounds like he was epecting a lot more so this was all going to have to come to an end at some point anyway.

His behaviour is alarming to say the least. He comes across perhaps as needy and craving attention.
I would keep a wide berth.

Regardless of whether the friend has ADHD and is catastrophising (as is the case with a friend of mine), OP said it was "odd" about the diagnosis. Not "untrue", not "impossible", not "a lie".
So no reason for him to act like this.

Ffs OP run! Block block block and don’t look back. How manipulative and disgusting, that’s no friend. Moving in on a friend who has lost her husband, making up some cancer shit when his first attempt to make a move on you was blocked, then arguing with you on text. Block that narcissistic manipulative CF and get the hell away. He is trying to pray on your vulnerability.

I don’t think YABU to be cautious at all, but I did get misdiagnosed, so it is possible.

"He needs binning for using 'ent' 😱"

And the rest - how could you take someone like this seriously? (or think he's "lovely"). Now you've seen the light you are right to have blocked him and hope he's not a stalker - someone with mental health issues by the look of it.

He’s been blocked but has taken to messaging my mum on Facebook.Saying I’ve made him feel suicidal and I’ve accused him of lying.
Again,I just said it was odd.

Tell your mom to block him. She can call the police and report his suicidal threat. But she really needs to block him.

You really dodged a bullet there. He's insanely manipulative and really ramping up.

Situational awareness alert time. He sounds like he could turn into a stalker.

He doesn’t know my address or anything thank goodness
I rang the police today

I know someone very like this. You can't have anything yourself without him having it, having had it, knowing someone who had it even worse etc. It's all about him. I don't tell him anything now.

I would back right away from this man. He's centring himself at a very difficult time in your life. "Look at me, I know someone who's dying too, it's not just you, you know, it's me, too!" Fuck Off.

I'd feel pretty antagonistic if some bloke was using the C-card to get into my knickers, his feet under my table or into any life insurance as well, tbh.

Exactly this
cancer is highly triggering

Update.
His dad ,who he lives with (along with stepmum with ‘cancer’) has contacted my mum (who he used to live opposite so knows) to say he has been told what’s going on,please can the police not be called and that his son does this a lot ,over contacts people, bombards them with messages and obsesses over people etc.He said it is part of the reason he moved from our home town and in with his dad ,who
lives around an hour and a half away.
My mum asked if SM did have cancer ,and he said no ,no one said that she just had some polyps removed,he said his son denies telling me that she did,my Mum said well he did I have seen,and he said he doesn’t doubt that for one minute.

So I was correct.

I'm sorry to hear the update as it sounds like a sad mental health situation.

You were right to trust your instincts and block him though. Also, very sorry to read about your DH.

I feel sorry for his family, although my main concern in this thread is of course for you.

Your gut was right.
How deeply chilling.
I would continue to engage with the police.
Your information would be very helpful should someone do a Claire's law request.
I hope you can move on from this.
Awful experience for you.

Fuck that.

Don't go to the Police because he continually lies and then stalks people? To the extent that he had to leave town and move in with his Dad?

If anything, that makes it more important that the Police know there's a creepy stalker around - any other woman he persuades into any sort of relationship can know about his behaviour through a Clare's Law request and if he tries to get a job around vulnerable women (for example), it could show up in enhanced checks.

I feel for his dad too,to an extent
However this behaviour is just awful.

That is the exact reason I am still engaging with the police
he needs holding to account
mental health is no excuse for harassing someone

Exactly that
I’m the wrong person to try and gaslight which is what his dad is doing
I work in education and have done enough safeguarding courses to know how men like this hurt women and escalate quickly

Well done you.
When my friends daughter was sexually groped by a taxi driver but got out of the car at 20, her mum insisted she tell the police.
She told them for information purposes only.
A year later another woman made a report and it was the earlier one and the likeness that made the police act so quickly.
When he was charged and it came out in the news, several other women made calls to the police.
He hadn't raped them but had put hands on them and was completely inappropriate towards vulnerable women late at night.
Her report absolutely helped.

Its invaluable to tge police and the public when they can see previous complaints.

He would of ramped that up eventually when just touching them wasn’t enough anymore.
Thank god he was stopped.

He’s contacted me again on a different number to tell me he’s moved out of his dads.
So I am contacting 101 now