Suspect friend lied about parent having cancer

[MelloYellow]

Hello just wanting to get some opinions
im a 43 F who lost their DH to cancer.
I reconnected with an old friend and he’s lovely but a bit much - I’ve had to tell him about coming on too strong and he’s apologised.
He lives a few hours away and over Christmas he said he was coming to our home town in the new year,I wasn’t really feeling like meeting and then he told me his step mum had just been told she had cancer.He told me she had a lump ,and the consultant told her it was definitely cancer ,he had said he suspects stage 4,said about survival rates and her notes etc said cancer.
Fast forward to this week and suddenly she doesn’t have cancer ,they got it wrong .I suspect now it was said to get my attention.AIBU? Or Culf a consultant get it this wrong.Cancer is obviously very triggering for me.

You weren’t getting good vibes anyway, so I would block and move on.

He sounds extremely intense and not what you need right now. You are within your right to say “how strange, Im glad its not cancer” and then not reply to him again.

My mum had cancer twice, after both exploratory procedures she was told it was cancer. Neither times were we told staging etc until the biopsy results were back. I'd be suspect and block him also. Besides that, he's ignoring your boundaries even without that. I'm sorry for your loss.

I think a lot of people are focussing on wether it is possible to be given an incorrect cancer diagnosis.
For me, the bigger issue is the guy disrespecting your requests over contact. Block and delete. You are not really close friends with him and your life will be easier without him in it.

I know someone who was told they had lung cancer and only 6 months to live , they got it completely wrong and he lived for years and didn't have cancer.

My husband was told he had cancer and didn't so it does happen BUT the fact you are questioning it sounds like you need to keep him at arms length.

He needs binning for using 'ent' 😱

Bingo. I would have zero interaction with someone who communicated so aggressively and childishly. With friends like that who needs enemies etc.

He may have lied, or his step mum might have. I know a woman who loves to add bits to a story to exaggerate and dramatise it. Her son was convinced she was dying of cancer and was so worried and upset. She told us that the GP had told her it was cancer so was fast tracking her, she would need a hysterectomy to remove everything to give her a chance but it might be too late for that if it's spread. I thought it sounded a bit suspicious having been through investigations for the same symptoms. By some miracle she was given the all clear a few months later.

re kids being at uni, you can bypass the silent feature for certain numbers. For all my kids I have it set so it rings out loud if they call me. Handy at night when you don’t want messages to wake you but want to be contactable in an emergency.

That is handy
thankyou x

Hehe I often let bad grammar slide as I’m not sure if he may be dyslexic etc.

Well that’s it
I said how odd and he’s focused on that and said I’m accusing him of lying.Anyway he’s blocked and also on insta as he has tried contacting me there already this morning x

And nu night
Ick!

I'm sorry about your husband OP. If he has lied about his step mums cancer then that it a really horrible and manipulative thing to do. I do think it's possible that he's not lying, but you're the person who actually knows him.

A lot of people aren't very good at understanding what clinicians are telling them, so it's possible that his step mum has given him a very garbled account of what the consultant has said, possibly with a bit of worst case scenario googling from one or both of them. So it could be possible that he could be telling the truth as he understood it in his own head, rather than what the consultant actually said.

It doesn't actually matter whether he's telling the truth or not in terms of what you should do though. He ignores your boundaries over contact, you didn't really want to see him even though he was in your area over Christmas and you don't trust him to tell the truth, so it's a good thing that he's blocked. I think the not wanting to see him tells you everything about how you really feel about this friendship. If I had a friend that I'd recently connected back with who was coming to my area and wanted to meet up I'd be excited to meet them for a coffee or something. I think the fact you didn't feel that way means that this is not someone who brings positive things to your life.

Wow he’s a stalker, i would tell him to fuck right off.
sorry about your husband op 🫂

Thankyou
I’ve just restricted him on there too
I don’t have the energy to tell him why or get into it with him

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

It's rare, but it does happen. I suspect, however, your pal lied to get you to meet.

Its all second or third hand information tjough isn't it, and people hear the word 'cancer' and nothing else. He might have been lying or it might have been miscommunication. I dont think ypu will ever know and i dont tbink it really matters. It doesn't sound as though you want to stay on touch, so don't?

He was pushing you told him to cool it.
I think the mum cancer bit is a lie to worm his way back in.
I'd be ditching the friendship.
Sorry for your loss.

My husband was told he had bowel cancer but biopsy saud no twice. He did and died last year. I really hope your friend is not lying. That would be very cruel. Sorry you went through that, it’s hard isn’t it. Xx

Mine was bowel too!
he died within 15 months of diagnosis
it’s horrendous no pain like it

Last year I was told I had lung cancer and that the tumour was large. For over a month, I was told time and again I definitely had lung cancer. One consultant even told me I needed to ‘just start dealing with it’.
I slowly told close family and friends, grieved for the life I could have had with my kids and wrote a funeral plan. After a number of scans, tests and hospital procedures, follow up appointments and discussions about treatment, they did a last minute biopsy. The ‘tumour’ turned out to be a lung abscess which cleared up with 6 weeks of antibiotics. I’m still traumatised 12 months later…

Its possible the cancer scare has actually happened, but it sounds like something about it all has triggered your instincts that all is not as it seems.

Its a bit weird anyway, this whole thing has echoes of grief-stealing. Some people have always got to have a bigger drama. 🙄

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