Sorry this is a name change and a long one so as not to drip feed. I would like to hear people’s opinions as I am considering leaving my DH as he is in love with someone else, lets call her Sarah. He has known Sarah since they were 4 years old. Their parents and grandparents were all friends.She is who is parents thought he should and would marry and she is utterly adored by his who family. She called his parents mum and dad. My husband claims they were never an item (although he wished they were) and they have only kissed once when they were teenagers. She’s nothing to look at but has done very well in her career. We are now all in our late 50s.
This is a second marriage for both me and DH. I met him and his DW at work. I was friends with his DW1 and she would often speak about Sarah and how much she hated her and how she had banned her husband from ever contacting her. When DH marriage broke up, I was already divorced and we started seeing each other. Unfortunately in the job we do this is utterly banned and within 2 weeks we were discovered and he was sacked on the spot. He also lost his home at the same time as it went with the job. I was protected because he was my boss and so was considered a victim. DH had to move in with me and I supported him while he searched for a new career. I wanted a commitment from him and he proposed in a very theatrical way within 6 months of us getting together and it was wonderful – or so I thought.
It turned out that he had immediately got in contact with Sarah when his marriage failed and was messaging her several times a day. They also met up at her house. She told him not to marry me. At this point I understood why DW1 hated her. We got married anyway. It’s fair to say it’s been a pretty tempestuous union. My career has skyrocketed and I’ve moved up through the ranks. He’s struggled to find work and earns now a fraction of what he did when we worked together. I knew that he still thought about her and once he called out her name during sex.
When his mother died Sarah turned up at the funeral. I was furious that she should insert herself into our family grief. When DH father died a few years later she also came to that funeral and had the cheek to bring her husband and child as well. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he spoke to her there that the marriage would be over. She glared at me the whole time.
After the funeral I said he could never speak to Sarah again and told him to remove all social media links to her. I don’t understand why Sarah’s husband hadn’t stopped them speaking to each other.
It’s been 6 years and I really thought she was out of our lives and then on NYE his phone pinged.I checked his phone and it was a text from Sarah saying HNY. I then realised she is never going to be gone from our lives. Our respective kids are almost grown up. AIBU to think now is the time to call this a day. I’ve never even spoken to this woman and yet I want to kill her. I hate what she has done to my marriage. Do I really want to spend the last part of my life with a man who is in love with someone else?