Told to cover up

[marudersmap]

I was in a cafe earlier breastfeeding my 4 month old. A lady sat down next to me and struck up conversation, she then proceeded to state that I could ‘buy a cover up for breastfeeding’, that she could ‘see my nipple’ and that I had ‘everything on show’.

This was not the case. I was very discreet, wearing a vest under my jumper and a jumper on top covering my breast. She couldn’t see my nipple unless she put her head right next to my breast…
I couldn’t believe that she effectively went out of her way to say this to me and be rather nasty.

It’s the first time someone has said this to me. I told her that I’m not interested in what she has to say, but I was actually upset. I know I shouldn’t care, but breastfeeding is hard work and I’m proud of it, and now I feel embarrassed and paranoid.

Why are people like this?

I got "told off" by my daughter's 7 year old friend for feeding DD2 in a school assembly! "Tell your Mum not to do that because it's disgusting!"

I breastfed both of mine and never had any comments from anyone. Hopefully she’s the only idiot you’ll encounter OP.

I often thought that a good response would be to hand over baby and say, fine you feed it then ! But that would involve not caring about handing my child over to a stranger!

Did she actually tell you to cover up or just let you know that you can buy cover-ups?

She's a weirdo. I breastfed in public a lot and never got comments or attitude. Hoping it's the same for you from now on.

I’d have been tempted to squirt milk at him. Twat.

And I can’t believe the nurse said something to you!

You should have told the cafe staff. It's against the law to harrass breastfeeding women and that woman should have been asked to leave the cafe.
I breastfed all 3 of mine without a cover wherever they needed feeding.
I once fed my daughter in the queue at M&S just stood up with her in one arm and my boob out abd my shopping basket in the other hand
I am too tired and old for any nonsense. I'd honestly throw hands with anyone who challenged me but no one in all those years so much as raised an eyebrow tbf

I have to say that I fed all five of mine for a year each, in public places, in parks, in the car, all over the place, and I had not ONE single derogatory comment. And my youngest is nearly 30.

So I don't think the 'cover up' attitude is particularly widespread. Just the odd weirdo, here and there.

I didn't. I got a telling off from a women in A&E for breastfeeding my poorly baby who hasn't fed all day. I was distracting her teen sons apparently.

You'll get them OP. Have a reply ready if it happens again. Like 'dont look at my tits then'

"Stop staring at my tits, you fucking freak"

That would probably do the job in future

Some people get a lot of pleasure out of acting like complete wankers.

I’ve had a few shitty comments in my time for bottle feeding in public. You can’t win.

I loathe the way breastfeeding is rammed down the throats of vulnerable first time mothers like you’re teeing your child up for a life of disaster unless you comply. Having said that it’s very handy to breastfeed if you’re lucky enough to find it pain free, and maternity leave can be very isolating for some mothers. Getting out and about is important and part of that is being brave enough to feed in public, no matter how intimidating you might find it.

For this reason I find comments like this lady made the absolute lowest of the low. What scummy little bitch tried to make a breastfeeding mother feel intimidated? Fuck her.

My only query would be if it was said in a “letting you know I can see, you can get cover ups if that bothers you” kind of way, or a “I don’t want to see that, get a cover up” kind of way- especially if it was an older lady.

I breastfed my daughter, now breastfeeding my son, and I remember one of the first times I breastfed my daughter while in a cafe with my gran she made a similar comment basically saying do you know I can see your breast, and offered me her scarf to cover up. She wasn’t being nasty or critical of me, she would personally have been bothered by people being able to see her breast and so she assumed I felt the same and was trying to help by offering that suggestion. I told her it didn’t bother me and I’d prefer not to cover my babies head while she fed, I wouldn’t hide a bottle so I’m not going to hide a breast that is fulfilling exactly the same job, my gran totally accepted that and was happy as long as I was happy and never mentioned it again.

It's always women who complain isn't it? And it's never women under 45.

Was she with her husband @marudersmap ???

I've come to the conclusion that women complaining about mothers breastfeeding their baby is rooted in jealousy. And many can't bear the thought that their husband is looking.

My DH and I are always fascinated to see a mother breastfeeding in public, as it's so unusual to see it. Probably because of arsehats like the woman who had a go at the OP. We only glance briefly by the way, we don't stare!!! It is lovely to see though.

.

I used to live somewhere quite conservative where BFing in public was illegal until relatively recently. I made a point to BF as much as I needed to wherever and whenever the baby needed to! Actually, never got a comment, but certainly got some double takes. I didn't use a cover either (as almost all people did there), because cover plus nipped shields AND holding baby's head correctly and body = too much faff!

I would use this as fuel to expose (not yourself 😂 but ) even more people to the natural, normal purpose of women's breaststroke. Not that this is your responsibility, of course - I mean just 'think what an archaic point of view' and continue with your day... do not modify your behaviour to fit with this ridiculous narrative.

But hopefully this hasn't knocked your confidence, you're doing great. 💐

It was definitely in a ‘I’m letting you know I don’t like that’ kind of way - she was outright rude

She was alone! I’m trying to tell myself it’s her problem not mine, and these lovely comments are certainly helping my confidence so thank you. I’m ashamed to say I cried when I left the cafe.

She was in her 70s I would say, but perfectly with it. Women can be each others harshest critics can’t we? ‘You must exclusively breastfeed your baby but don’t you dare do it in public, or past 6 months…’ etc etc

Wtf???????? Id would have told her exactly where to go. Vile piece of work that she was. How dare people comment on mothers breastfeeding???????

I was encouraged to feed DS in a nuns' convent! The other two babies were happily having their bottles and DS was getting restless and the Sister realised I was holding back and encouraged me to feed him.
It was encouraged in church too.
(Good enough for Mary and her son )

I'm sorry you've got unlucky with a shitty comment. I fed my two for about 3 years and didn't get one. Many knowing smiles and some "good for you" type comments.

She might well be the last, I have breastfeed out and about on an almost daily basis for the first year and continued to breastfeed in public when DC was a year old, less frequently but still regularly even when they were 2. I've fed in shops restaurants, planes, cinema, wherever we happened to be. I've never had one negative comment in the UK or Ireland or France, Spain, Italy. Which is great, maybe curiosity but never negativity.

Wow, she was a rude cow. I breastfed my son 24 years ago anywhere and everywhere and half the time I was too knackered to bother with discretion. I must have a resting bitch face as very few people ever commented negatively. A member of m&s staff once informed me there was a mother and baby room “that you might be more comfortable in”. I brightly informed her I was fine where I was.

you’re doing a fine job, especially in the face of bitchery. Hopefully, next week a little old lady will tell you hue lively it is to see a baby being breastfed.

I wish I had cultivated a better attitude when I was trying to breastfeed my children in the 1970s. Women have a better normal attitude today towards natural good feeding practices. It's dreadful that some older women castigate a women for doing the best thing for their children.

She really might be the last.
I breastfed both of mine out and about in all sorts of places and never had a single comment. I think the vast majority of people didn’t even notice.
I was once feeding very newborn DD1 and the Sainsbury’s food shop arrived. Because she was only about 3 weeks old and I didn’t really know what I was doing, I was trying to unlatch her and sort my top out as I answered the door. The delivery man very nicely said I should go and sit down, and he brought in all my shopping, and put all the fridge and freezer stuff away for me so I didn’t have to get up to sort that either.
Most people are nice. And most of the nasty people won’t notice. And most of the nasty people who do notice, won’t actually say anything.

You’re doing amazingly and your baby is so lucky to have you. Well done 👏