Daughter invited to holiday abroad

[Itshouldntbethisway]

My daughter has been invited to go on holiday abroad with her best friend from school. Apart from sleepovers she's never been away from home and never been on holiday with another family. She's 11 years old, and too young in my view. Her friend is lovely but I don't know the family well, it's been a term at her new secondary school and parents don't meet up often. Once she's older and more confident I wouldn't mind. Am I being unreasonable? Your thoughts/advice would be welcome.

It would be a no from me.

You need to judge for yourself whether your daughter could handle it.

some 11 year olds could some couldn’t.

11 is a bit young. I think 14/15 is considered it and even then I would prefer it to be with someone she’s been friends with for a long time and I knew the parents.

She may think she’d like to go but the reality once she’s in a different country with a new friend etc may hit differently.

It would be a no from me. You don’t know the family , too young , too far if any issues.

It’s a kind offer. Maybe get to know them as a family so that if they offer again in a year’s time you might feel differently. Is there daughter an only child?

We are letting our 14 year old holiday with friend but after 16 months of kids friendship we know them well.

I think 11 is a bit young especially as they haven’t known each other that long.

We took a friend of DS at age 13 which worked well. But I wouldn’t have taken a younger child.

If she wants to go I’d let her

I'd be helping her plan what to pack within ten minutes of the invitation.

It's a wonderful offer and she'll have a lovely time.

not with a family i didn’t know well

DS would have been fine, but not DD. Depends on the child. I’d like to meet the family first.

I went with my friend and her family to Sri Lanka for 3.5 weeks when I was 11. I had only been abroad to France with the school before that. It was the summer between year 7 and year 8, so I can't have known my friend for more than a few months when it was booked.

I'd let her go if she is confident and wants to, unless you really don't like the family she would be travelling with.

I went on to travel to Europe many times as a teenager with school, cadets, guiding and friends. I never would have gone with my family, my parents have never been on holiday abroad.

Depends where/ for how long/ type of holiday/ how much your daughter wants to go/ how much you are able to get to know the family and ask questions about the trip.

Thanks for all the the advice, it's to Spain but I don't think she's ready. I think she thought I'd be going as well but that's not how the invitation was phrased. They are expecting to take her as part of their family, I wouldn't be going.

When is the holiday? I’d be reluctant to agree to a summer holiday as it’s a new friend, knowing how quickly friendships can change at that age

I’d let her go! Sounds like an amazing holiday with a good friend.

Is it soon ? If summer you and she have ages to get to know them better.

Too young in my opinion. I’m trying to remember the age of my DD when she went to guide camp an hour away and got terribly homesick and had to be collected after one night.

I suffered crippling homesickness at 17 on my first school trip abroad. So maybe I’m just a wuss who is projecting.

I think it’s young too unless it was a family she knew really well.
I’d let my almost 15 year old go but not my 11 year old

It’s kind of them to offer but it would be no from me. My youngest is 12 and while he’d like the idea of it I think he’d be lost with another family we don’t really know. Different if it was with well known family, aunts, cousins etc.

It's in May and friendships can change after the first year of secondary school. I worry about that too, think we should wait a while.

Agree with this! If it's a summer holiday, you've got plenty of time to get to know them. Maybe invite them round for lunch and chat about it - I'm sure they will understand your worries! I had holidays with friends families as a teenager and had a brilliant time. I think it's actually good for children to fit in with another family and they way they do things - it teaches flexibility and resilience.

I think it depends on the child and the strength/longevity of the friendship. You’ve mentioned a bit about both OP but I’m talking generally.

For me, it might depend on the quality of the experience too. Spending a week in the home of a friend’s foreign family, surrounded by the culture and the language, would be pretty awesome and difficult to refuse.

Or if the destination is an interesting place. Call me shallow and a Mumsnet cliche, but I’d be more inclined to say yes to Copenhagen, Florence etc. Even though my sons aren’t 6ft tall and I don’t live very rurally and earn six figures. 😆

I’d let her but then my kids went away with school twice for a full week in primary. Have stayed at grandparents. Away with brownies and rainbows. They are both super confident and would love it. I wouldn’t hesitate. There is plenty of time to get to know the family if that’s your only concern

My best friend’s mum from secondary school very kindly took me on a 2 week holiday with them in Europe when I was 16. I had only flown once before, so I was beyond excited to have this opportunity and had the best time!

I wouldn’t let her go abroad as a first “away with a friend” experience, too difficult to sort if she’s home sick etc. I take my DD and a friend away sometimes but only within UK and we don’t go further than we could reasonably get back fairly quickly.

At 11, it's a no.