Daughter invited to holiday abroad

[Itshouldntbethisway]

My daughter has been invited to go on holiday abroad with her best friend from school. Apart from sleepovers she's never been away from home and never been on holiday with another family. She's 11 years old, and too young in my view. Her friend is lovely but I don't know the family well, it's been a term at her new secondary school and parents don't meet up often. Once she's older and more confident I wouldn't mind. Am I being unreasonable? Your thoughts/advice would be welcome.

Sounds to me more like you're not ready.

I won't mind her going later when she's a teenager. The friendship will have been tested properly by then. Happy for them to have playdates and sleepovers in the meantime.

Lots of people saying “let her go, I had a great time going abroad with friend’s families as a TEENAGER”. Which is fine. But she is not a teenager. She’s 11. Might be 12 by the time they go but she’s not a teenager. Those couple of years make a huge difference.

She's definitely not ready, she wanted me to come too! As I don't know them well I'm not comfortable doing that even though they didn't ask.

If they've only been friends for a term then I'd say it's too soon. Thank the parents a lot and say how lovely it is of them to invite her but you're conscious that friendship groups can change so quickly at this stage you'd feel more comfortable about it next year.
If they've been good friends since junior school and your daughter wants to go then I'd consider it as you could get to know the parents before they do go away.

If your daughter's not sure about going without you then definitely say you think she's just a bit too young this year and you are conscious of how quickly friendship group changes can happen at their age.

Excellent opportunity if she wants to go. Don’t decide yet

Sounds to me like you don't want her to go either.

I'd get to know the family a little bit better but be very open to saying yes if she wants to go.

All of mine went abroad without me before this age. They loved it, tough moments but lots of great moments too. Tough times are really good for young people.

11 is old enough in my opinion.

11 and have known each and been friends since 5 is very different to having known each other for 1 term. The next two terms are time in which they could become better friends or fall out! I do know someone who travelled a few times with a friend on holiday from the same age and loved it but they had known each other for years.

How soon do you have to decide? I've been in the position of waiting for numbers to book accommodation etc so if they need to know soon and you're really not sure, you might be better turning the opportunity down for this year. If they have a holiday home then it's probably different and you'll have more time to get to know them as a family, maybe invite them over for a barbecue in summer and things like that. It's a lovely opportunity and I do think that it's worth giving it a go - I would be encouraging my child to look forward to a trip without me - because a lot of children have a great time on residentials even though their parents had doubts whether the child would cope or not. Mine went on residentials in Y3 and Y6 and had a great time every time.

I’ve taken DD’s friend away with us a few times. First time to centre parcs (they were 12) which was a good chance to see how they managed. We have since taken her abroad. I think 11 is too young to go abroad, with a new friend and you not knowing the family. I’d wait another year or two.

I think you’ve got to work out what your actual concerns are.

If your daughter doesn’t want to go without you then clearly that isn’t the idea, so it’s a no. If you don’t know the family that well, you need to get to know them before the holiday (that’s what my parents did when I was invited to Spain with a friend who lived there - met at boarding school - over the months before I went we all went out for dinner and met up etc when they were over here).

Also people saying about the friendship might not last but why does that matter? The holiday is in May, if by September they’re not friends anymore it surely doesn’t matter?

I wouldn’t have had an issue with it if she desperately wanted to go and the family seemed trustworthy but DD definitely wouldn’t have been ready at that age. DD is an only child so we’ve had many holidays in which she’s brought a friend along but I would never have considered that at 11, too young in my eyes, a lot of responsibility to look after someone else’s child. At 14/15 though she’d have loved it and gone without hesitation😆

We let my DSC each take a friend away with us when they were 14&15 but they had been friends since nursery so completely different relationships, but wouldn’t have been happy to take them any younger it’s a big responsibility.
if you don’t know the family that would concern me at that age, are the parents the type to sit around the pool drinking whilst the kids entertain themselves would be main concern (as a parent that longed to sit around the pool drinking when they were younger 😂)

I think it depends how long it's for and how your dd is, and also whether she'll have the chance for a holiday like that another time.

Personally I'd probably agree if I was comfortable with the family and my dd wanted to. One of my dc would have been fine, the other would have hated it.

Big nope

Just say no

The family could include any old perv

Find out deadline when they need to know. Also establish what the financial obligations are, make sure you can send her with enough pocket money. See how it goes with the friendship hirs it might be a great experience for her.

My mum was a widow and we had no money for holidays. My best friend's lovely family took me away with them from when I was around 10. My mum was always grateful to them.

I think 11 is too young. A friend came on holiday with my family but we were 14, which seems about the right age to me.

Does she want to go?
You have 7 months to get her ready.

Its not her age, it's the other family that's the most important factor.
I'd want to know them enough about them to know where they stood on safety issues, how much supervision they think appropriate, how much independence they offer, what activities they do etc.
There's a massive difference between going with a family who are safety conscious and involved and going with one who are on the cocktails from 11am while the DC get up to who knows what. My DC had friends with parents of both types.

That's the decider then. You know your daughter and she isn't ready.

I was ready for that at 11, but I very much doubt my currently 10yo DC will be DC2 I imagine would be ready - different children are different.

This is a very good point.

I don't have children but as a retired headteacher, I find my safeguarding klaxon is telling me you need to know the family well before you agree to such a plan.