Daughter invited to holiday abroad

[Itshouldntbethisway]

My daughter has been invited to go on holiday abroad with her best friend from school. Apart from sleepovers she's never been away from home and never been on holiday with another family. She's 11 years old, and too young in my view. Her friend is lovely but I don't know the family well, it's been a term at her new secondary school and parents don't meet up often. Once she's older and more confident I wouldn't mind. Am I being unreasonable? Your thoughts/advice would be welcome.

I would jump at it, experiences and making memories are what life is all about

No for a holiday abroad first time with friend. If it was in the UK I’d consider it.

I went to boarding school at nine and in my very first term received an invitation to a friend's house for half term - I was an overseas pupil and the alternative was to stay with paid guardians. My own parents obviously had no opportunity to meet and vet the parents. I went with the friend and was absolutely fine.

At Christmas the following year the same friend came out to southern Africa with me for two of the four weeks' holiday; we were 10 and 11. This was before the internet, and even predated fax machines. Again, no problems.

At eleven your DD should be fine for a trip to Spain.

I personally wouldn't unless I knew the family well and the girls had been friends a long time.

It's a horrible thing to think but having children doesn't necessarily make a person suitable to be around them, particularly in an overnight setting far from home and possibly with limited privacy.

Up to her. Experiences like that are good for kids for several reasons.

No it would be too much too soon for me.

DD went abroad at 13 with her friend, but it was a primary school friend (even though they are at different high schools) so I know the mum very well from primary, she had also been on a couple of UK breaks with them (the other girl us) over the years so I know she could stay with them comfortably for several nights etc and not want to come home. This is the only family I’d have said yes to and even then it took some thought.

My DS went to his friend's family's villa in Spain when he was almost 8. He got a bit homesick on the first night so phoned me and he was OK after that apart from when he fell out of bed onto the tiled floor. He survived.
It was 2004 though when life was still normal.

No, I also find it odd they asked so soon if you don’t know them well, because if you say no it might impact their friendship negatively (hopefully won’t happen). If I was you I would politely decline but say you would prefer to test the waters with a short uk break at x age first.

She’s 11. It’s up to her parent/guardian

I think the issue is that if something goes wrong at 11 coping/getting yourself out of shit skills are very limited. It would be a no for me

Yes of course I mean if she really wants to go then I would allow it.

I went on holidays to family friends (flying on my own too) from age 14. We knew them all very well. I think 11 might be ok if you were very close to the family. But not if you don’t.

It’s a no from me as you don’t know the family well enough. My dd started secondary as well this year and I can’t imagine her going off abroad on holidays with people we know nothing about.

You have plenty of time to get to know their family and suss them out. Why not include them in your visits to somewhere you both go to .You could invite them for meals. It would be a shame if your daughter does want the holiday and you turn the opportunity down. I am sure you will be more inclined to agree once you have met the family a few times. You will be able to find if they are responsible etc. All the best OP and if she goes I hope your DD enjoys herself.

11 is too young for me I think, I’d thank the family personally but explain it’s just a bit too soon and in a couple of years it would be different.

I took DS’s best mate with us abroad about age 11. But it was only to France by car. It didn’t cost any extra to add him to the booking, so if the friendship broke down before the summer holidays nothing would have been lost.

No too young. If she had been away in the uk with a friend before I’d feel differently.

You're not going to let her anyway so what's the point of asking

We took son's 3 different friends abroad on holiday, likely aged 9, 12, 13. No problems at all, they all had a fabulous time.

Can you articulate your concerns beyond “she’s too young”?

I’d be proactive and invite the other parents round for a drink, find out more about it, where they will stay, what they would be doing, what you anre expected to pay for etc. You can then judge if it’s something your daughter is likely to enjoy (and you can afford!)

No . Protect and safeguard her.
There would be a massive fallout if anything went wrong.

If the holiday had been in the UK, I might be more inclined to let her go. However, this holiday is to Spain for a week, and if your daughter is home sick or the friendship doesn't go as planned, you wouldn't be able to collect her! Your daughter hasn't know the other child for very long and you don't know her parents. It sounds as if your daughter has got the wrong end of the stick, if she thinks you're going on the holiday too.

I think at 11, going abroad with a family she doesn't know well, would be a No from me. If she'd been 15/16, then the answer would likely be different.

Maybe a bit young, didn’t start this until 14/15

I absolutely wouldn't, the dad is just some bloke you don't know.
What if he's a perv or a drunk or beats the mum?

I let my DD go to China with her best friend from school she was almost 12. It was just too good an opportunity for her to miss. She was at an independent school as she had won a 50 percent scholarship. Her friend stayed with us over half terms as she was a boarder so it would be too far for her to travel home for just a week. My DD was a day girl. After we had hosted her Chinese best friend for 3 half terms the offer came from dd's friends parents to go home with her Chinese friend to China for 3 weeks over the summer break. She had an amazing time and now an adult she is still in touch with her Chinese friend. She also went to stay with her Spanish friend several times and her friend stayed with us too.