To think Santa presents are parents domain?

[Mkinuhhhu]

Thinking about this for next year!

We put a lot of effort into Christmas this year for 4, nearly 5 years old DS who was really into it for the first time.writing and posting letters to the north pole, grotto visit, wrapping the requested present in separate wrapping paper and getting a label printed so it looked different to his other ones, getting a magic key, watching Santa tracker etc. Maybe it's just the standard stuff but it was nice seeing him begin to 'believe'.

We also said father Christmas only brings one present as there isn't space for multiple ones for everyone.

On Christmas Day he was delighted. Then we went to grandparents on boxing day and they said Santa forgot all your presents here and directed him to a pile of presents! The labels said love from Grandma and grandad 😬 they were also nothing to do with the hot wheels/ monster truck stuff he had requested. He looked very confused and a bit taken aback, and didn't really react to the presents when opening them. Eventually he just cracked on with the day and playing with family and new toys etc. I asked him to thank his grandparents for all the presents they had bought and I think he got the idea that they were pretending about santa having forgot them.

I didn't want to be a misery at the time as grandparents probably didn't think it through, but would I be unreasonable to ask that next year grandparents just say the presents are from them and say Santa just comes to our house? I just think there's precious few years where kids really believe and I don't want him questioning it so soon!

I also personally prefer that he ask for and receive one present from both a sustainability point of view, and that he doesn't get loads whilst some friends get very little, but that don't really my main reasoning.

The GPs were out of line - although it is on you to explain how it is in your family as people do do it v differently.

side point - am I the only one a bit shocked by only one present from Santa! In our house they get stocking fillers from Santa (inc. tangerine and choc coins!) and it’s so lovely. But obviously every family gets to pick what works for them :-)

I personally think you should dial back the hoopla (grotto, separate wrapping paper, specially printed label, magic key, etc) but hey how.

Everyone does Santa differently. He will find that out when he returns to school after the Christmas break. What the GPs did isn't the disaster you think it is, though they were out of line to present their gifts as 'Santa' gifts, and I actually don't know what they were thinking there - are they trying to re-live their parenting years through your son?

Returning to this thread, my word there are some weird comments like Santa is only for parents. You’re telling your children this magical story of a man who can deliver to everyone in one night but they won’t go to your parents/in laws. You make up whatever about the lack of a chimney or flying reindeer but can’t stretch to say he knew you were visiting and left some gifts for you. It’s not difficult.

Communication is key here they need to know what your traditions are and what your wishes are for your kids, How that plays out, talk to them and explain that they confused him because of how Santa story was told to him at the end of the day they had there turn as parents to do all the Santa stuff there way and the story doesn’t fit for Santa to visit all kids grandparents homes too. They are overstepping boundaries there gifts are welcomed just not from Santa at there home.

Crikey you are taking this Santa thing to the extreme! I agree about the GPs but separate wrapping paper? Printing a label? Well, each to their own.
Just explain it to the GPs.

Sorry I've lots more replies and thought I'd return to answer some queries.

He got one very big present from Santa which he had requested months ahead. I wasn't prepared for how they would start talking about Christmas come November 1st at school! A lot of the hype has come from school- I wouldn't have thought about a magic key but he came home asking if we had one as we don't have a chimney!
On Christmas eve he watched Santa tracker as he had been told about it at school!
He asks an awful lot of questions!

I don't think anything is that specific or complex! Writing a letter to Santa and visiting a garden centre grotto is pretty standard 90s childhood fare.
I suspected about Santa in my own childhood for many years as he had distinctive handwriting very much like my mum's! Hence the printed label.

When I was a kid father Christmas brought heaps of presents but my preference is one gift and yes he got a stocking of small items too.

I think the confusion from DS at grandparents is that he was then expecting to open more hot wheels type stuff. So he was very excited and ripped open the paper and the first present was related to a TV series he doesn't watch and so he was underwhelmed l. He warmed up as he opened more stuff he liked.
I think specifically because he had asked Santa for trucks and cars, and on Christmas day has received a huge present to do with that, he was expecting more of the same when told Santa had left more toys!

Honestly there's always a backstory isn't there but it's not my in laws, it's my own parents. Although I used to take enjoyment in how much they delighted in their grandchild, they now just don't listen to a word I say and disregard my wishes all the time, think it's their right as grandparents to do as they like.

I've always done separate wrapping paper because my sister worked out FC aged about 4yo due to the wrapping paper being the same.
As I said up thread dd1 pointed out that Grandma's bag of presents that she'd labelled from Santa had the same paper as those under the tree.

I also found with 3 DC it was easier to have different wrapping paper so it was easy to sort out the presents.
Even now my DC get their own wrapping paper. Much easier as you stuff the stockings and find there's a present sitting on the floor to be able to go "Red wrapping paper, so dd2" than trying to remember what was inside them.

That's not really going to extremes.

If my child gets presents from santa somewhere else why on earth would that be an issue, I know parents these days like to control everything but no would not register with me

I totally get being annoyed by this! I put a lot of effort into the “magic of Santa” too. The grandparents should have double checked how you are doing Santa. It’s normal to leave it to the parents entirely. I think they came from a good place but didn’t bother to think it through. Simple solution though, just bring it up to them and say that any gifts from them are from them and that you keep Santa to JUST what arrives Christmas morning in the stocking and the one gift. If these are your in-laws, have your partner take it up with them. I think everyone does Santa differently so maybe they’re going off their traditions but they should have clarified with you.

I think the confusion from DS at grandparents is that he was then expecting to open more hot wheels type stuff. So he was very excited and ripped open the paper and the first present was related to a TV series he doesn't watch and so he was underwhelmed
But you said they were labelled as being from them, just delivered by Santa. Doesn't that easily explain why they are not what was on his list if you feel the need to explain anything? In your version of the Santa thing does the child only get what they have requested?

Sounds like a complicated way of setting it up to fail.

I'd explain to your DC that the GPs have been pretending that Santa came to their house too, even though everyone knows he only comes to children. As if your poor parents are wishing to be childlike again.
Your DC will most likely be sympathetic towards them and play along with it out of pity.
We've always done the big present from the parents and an average one from Santa (I told them Santa had a budget, so that he can afford to buy for every child). Having an expensive present from Santa sets up bad social status issues in society imo (I'm sure I'll get caned for this on MN).
Good luck op

Just say we don't want to confuse him so we're just going to say Santa brings 1 present to our house

(He's going to be shocked when he goes to school though, and finds out Santa brings other kids loads of presents)

YANBU. They are just confusing him. Have the conversation with them and explain Santa comes to your house and you’re the person who gets the Santa gift. They can give the gifts from them.
My in-laws tried to do this in a very similar way when my children were small and I found it really bizarre.
I just told the kids that the gifts were not from Santa. Then I told the grandparents afterwards that they don’t get Santa gifts.

it’s really weird behaviour!

If Santa sets up bad social status issues why do you give your child a gift from them when you could tell your child that he delivers gifts like many parents do. What will you tell your child when they get play doh from Santa and little Johnny gets an iPad and a bike from him? You’ve got them believing in a man visiting every child across the globe in one night flying through the sky with magic reindeer but he won’t visit crazy old Nan and grandad, bless them, they’re old and confused.

Personally, I hate when I am buying gifts and am given a strict list of what to buy! You do you but you are massively over thinking this and will ruin it for everyone if not careful. All of our gifts go under the tree along with those from family. We dont label our own as far as he is concerned they are from Father Christmas and he knows that although socks, pj's, little nic nacs weren't on the list, my son would need / enjoy them.

How do the kids know who to thank for gifts then if you tell them everything is from Santa?

I put a lot of effort into the “magic of Santa” too. The grandparents should have double checked how you are doing Santa

No, if as a parent you care about how you're doing Santa, it's up to you to inform the Grandparents.

And this is yet anothet level of complexity! 😂I honestly don’t know.

I’d maybe rethink the expectation that Father Christmas brings exactly what is asked for on the list. That way if he asks for something you think is unsuitable, is too expensive or that doesn’t exist you have wiggle room.

I totally disagree.

I think they just want to re-live the magic but that’s not fair they had their time, it’s their children’s turn now.

In my house santa brought the stockings. Other gifts were from me or relatives etc . From very young the kids were taught to phone and thank people for the gift if it wasnt given in person

Also they were encouraged to buy gifts ( well i paid) for siblings and grandparents so they got the idea you give as well as receive