To think Santa presents are parents domain?

[Mkinuhhhu]

Thinking about this for next year!

We put a lot of effort into Christmas this year for 4, nearly 5 years old DS who was really into it for the first time.writing and posting letters to the north pole, grotto visit, wrapping the requested present in separate wrapping paper and getting a label printed so it looked different to his other ones, getting a magic key, watching Santa tracker etc. Maybe it's just the standard stuff but it was nice seeing him begin to 'believe'.

We also said father Christmas only brings one present as there isn't space for multiple ones for everyone.

On Christmas Day he was delighted. Then we went to grandparents on boxing day and they said Santa forgot all your presents here and directed him to a pile of presents! The labels said love from Grandma and grandad 😬 they were also nothing to do with the hot wheels/ monster truck stuff he had requested. He looked very confused and a bit taken aback, and didn't really react to the presents when opening them. Eventually he just cracked on with the day and playing with family and new toys etc. I asked him to thank his grandparents for all the presents they had bought and I think he got the idea that they were pretending about santa having forgot them.

I didn't want to be a misery at the time as grandparents probably didn't think it through, but would I be unreasonable to ask that next year grandparents just say the presents are from them and say Santa just comes to our house? I just think there's precious few years where kids really believe and I don't want him questioning it so soon!

I also personally prefer that he ask for and receive one present from both a sustainability point of view, and that he doesn't get loads whilst some friends get very little, but that don't really my main reasoning.

To be honest I think you’re being a bit weird about this. The grandparents in this scenario can’t win, because if they had said they brought the presents, your son might then get stumped as to why Santa doesn’t visit them? And then think Santa isn’t real because of that?

I think you basically need to remember that whatever you say to your son, should be easy going enough to flex and allow for other scenarios. Instead of thinking other scenarios need to precisely match up to yours, cause no one can win that way. It’s more confusing for your son if you tell him some convoluted thing with many layers as it’s easier for that to be proven false.

I can’t remember exactly when I found out Santa wasn’t real but like, it didn’t do me any harm, I remember still having joy about Santa during primary school so you’ll still have the magic even if you ease up

Yes, very good with the deliberately misunderstanding me. I should of course have ended my previous post with "of you" to not allow for the hilarious faux misunderstanding.

dont overthink it. It’s just magic

Every family can do their own thing about Santa and some will do it differently to you

Santa visits lots of presents in our family and sometimes leaves gifts for DCs and GPs houses or aunties and uncles
houses

He's 4 you say? Advance book blocks of counselling sessions now. Never too early. In fact it might even be too late.

Also - calm down.

Santa was always just the delivery guy in our house.

We always did everything in our house on xmas morning was form Santa, everything given by family was from them. One day mine asked why different kids got different amounts from Santa so I said that mummy and daddy tell Santa how much he is allowed to spend, Santa then decides if you have been good and how much he thinks you deserve and then sends us the bill! I was put on the spot so thats what I came up with. She accepted that as she knew different people could afford different amounts.

no misunderstanding here, II understood you completely.

If I’ve already discussed something with someone else eg the grandparent then I expect them to respect our wishes as parents. End of.

so if that makes me antagonistic and territorial then so be it, mil had her turn as a parents, it’s my turn now.

and I do get on really well with mil before you honk I’m a horrid dil.

I want my children to be appreciative to each individual who has made an effort to buy them a gift.

We get this from my (lovely) in laws. They write on the labels that the gifts are from them and Santa, which just causes confusion and questions from my DC. I just make sure the children know the gifts are from the GP and try to skim over the fact that it says Santa on the label. I'm not going to make a big deal about it but I do wish they'd stay in their lane!

The desire to set up conflict in an otherwise good relationship by gatekeeping something as innocuous as Christmas and where Father Christmas delivers presents is utterly bizarre to me. So yes, entirely needlessly antagonistic.

But it does seem to matter dreadfully to some people who choose one specific way of "doing" Christmas and woe betide anyone else who has a different tradition even though loads of different ways of doing it exist.

They're not gatekeeping Christmas. Everyone else can do it however they like, with their own kids. They're gatekeeping their role as parents, which is entirely appropriate.

totally agree, we all have traditions with our own families and we preferred our children to know that Santa doesn’t bring all the gifts and that family may buy gifts too.

mil had her traditions and dh and I started our own traditions.

i couldn’t care what other families do but with our children we have our own traditions.

I just think it's far less stress to be flexible. This year Father Christmas brought some stocking presents to my parents' house and some were at home. Because we forgot to pack them, did an emergency replacement of stuff I could buy locally on Christmas Eve and they got more stuff on the morning of the 27th.

It doesn't matter that isn't how it's been in previous years or will be in any future year because we've never tied ourselves to any particular rules about the whole shebang.

To be honest I think you’re being a bit weird about this. The grandparents in this scenario can’t win, because if they had said they brought the presents, your son might then get stumped as to why Santa doesn’t visit them? And then think Santa isn’t real because of that?

What a bizarre train of thought. Santa visits children, not adults. Most three year olds could probably tell you that. Santa NOT visiting a childs grandparents, in addition to their own home, is the expected norm and not something requiring explanation. Family members buying you gift/s IN ADDITION to what Santa brings - also totally normal and not requiring explanation.

Op...YANBU. I would mention it right now and i'd also be sure to give a couple of reminders in Nov/Dec. Santa leaves gifts at the childs home - that's it.

I'd also get used to kids seeing/hearing santa being different in many ways. At school some friends will get everything from santa not just 1 present, every shopping centre, garden centre and cafe will have a santa from November onwards, they will all look slightly different and say different things to him, someone will say he lives in the north pole, someone will say lapland. You cant really be too precious about it because its so varied everywhere and as he has conversations and grows up itll all be different. Practice some generic phrases "well he's magic isn't he" and "if you don't believe then he doesn't come" tends to cover all eventualities!!! I strongly suspect many children work it out very young and keep their cards close to their chest because they know it keeps christmas special. My 10 yr old is bright and refuses to believe in religion as its not "scientific" but he is very excited by his santa stocking and happily fetches the mince pie for the fireplace. It's the joy of christmas, the maintaining of this shared myth and children cotton on to this quickly.
If it matters to you so much, just gently say in advance "no need to mention santa, we've decided just 1 present comes from santa so that he can know how much people love him and thank them himself" job done.

Now this puts a whole new level of complication on this conundrum “who are presents from”. 😂😂😂I haven’t really thought about it until recently. And DH is also confused. And for the life of us we can’t remember what it was like when we were children. So is it that Santa delivers presents from himself and other people? I think I told my twins that I WhatsApp Santa to tell them which house we will be in and when so that he knows where to deliver presents.😂 I also told ghem that there are a lot of Santas as there are billions of people. But for now all gifts are from Santa.

I'm really surprised by people's reactions on here. No I don't think you are unreasonable to say Santa only comes to yours. My MIL started saying how Santa had sent presents ahead to hers for my kids and we nipped it in the budget straight away and said they were from her and Mick and Santa would leave presents for them at ours Christmas eve night once they were sleeping. Best thing to do is just tell everyone how your doing it 😊

YANBU my in laws do this weird thing where they have bought all the presents and then say they get sent to Santa to be delivered again to there’s? Make it make sense, the presents are already there and they have wrapped them etc, so why would they the go to Santa for Santa to re deliver? My eldest is 3 and I kept talking over it this year if they mentioned it in front of him (only once or twice), but definitely not happening at all next year!

it’s hard when everyone does Santa a bit differently but I do think it is just a parents domain, it gets extra hard otherwise!

Santa is for parents only.

I think sometimes grandparents should just stick to grandparent things and remember that they are not parents. I wouldn’t do this, but if I did, my children would tell me to but out.

Santa brings everything in your stocking and under your tree on Christmas morning. Other people give gifts with the relevant tags.

My kids would get presents delivered from Santa at our house, again at my mum's and then later we would go to 2 sets of in-laws and Santa would have left presents for them there as well. My kids knew parents/family buy all the presents (because Santa doesn't have any money) and Santa is some sort of magical delivery service that brings presents. We just told them he leaves presents at grandparents houses to keep them busy while they visit.
My daughter still believed in Santa at 11
I can't see that's it's an issue

I think just tell them that you'd prefer that the only presents Santa delivers are the ones at your house. Your child, your choice the version of the story you tell.

When I was a kid I believed that my parents bought all the gifts and sent them to the North Pole and then Santa delivered them all plus one from him on Christmas Eve. I think this is strange and also why would this happen? I didn't do this with my kids! In my house, Santa filled stockings in their bedrooms, and left them one gift each under the tree, and all the rest were from us (or whoever they were labelled from, family / friends etc).

If you make Santa this specific and complex you’re asking for trouble.

I think you’re right. It’s up to the parents. Similar happened with my MIL a few years ago. I think it left DS wondering why Santa went to her house for him but not his other grandparents where he spent a lot of time as they are my childcare. I know MIL meant well and I didn’t say anything, but I felt a bit miffed.

We do the Santa brings one present thing. Just tell the grandparents that next December. Problem solved.

i have told my dc that each family has different set up for their Santa and that Santa knows how each family does it. In our house he randomly has ended up packing up a sack from under the tree present, bringing it up to their bedrooms and adding his present to the top of the sack. Regret that one!