To think Santa presents are parents domain?

[Mkinuhhhu]

Thinking about this for next year!

We put a lot of effort into Christmas this year for 4, nearly 5 years old DS who was really into it for the first time.writing and posting letters to the north pole, grotto visit, wrapping the requested present in separate wrapping paper and getting a label printed so it looked different to his other ones, getting a magic key, watching Santa tracker etc. Maybe it's just the standard stuff but it was nice seeing him begin to 'believe'.

We also said father Christmas only brings one present as there isn't space for multiple ones for everyone.

On Christmas Day he was delighted. Then we went to grandparents on boxing day and they said Santa forgot all your presents here and directed him to a pile of presents! The labels said love from Grandma and grandad 😬 they were also nothing to do with the hot wheels/ monster truck stuff he had requested. He looked very confused and a bit taken aback, and didn't really react to the presents when opening them. Eventually he just cracked on with the day and playing with family and new toys etc. I asked him to thank his grandparents for all the presents they had bought and I think he got the idea that they were pretending about santa having forgot them.

I didn't want to be a misery at the time as grandparents probably didn't think it through, but would I be unreasonable to ask that next year grandparents just say the presents are from them and say Santa just comes to our house? I just think there's precious few years where kids really believe and I don't want him questioning it so soon!

I also personally prefer that he ask for and receive one present from both a sustainability point of view, and that he doesn't get loads whilst some friends get very little, but that don't really my main reasoning.

My parents do this too it drives me mad!!! They just buy our children tat and say Santa left it here!

If it’s really that important to you you need to coordinate your messaging with GP before hand. That’s what you should have done this year

In my day santa just delivered all the presents, and it was not from santa as such. People do things differently. You’re overthinking it.

Everyone does it differently. Having you discussed with family what you are doing about Santa?
In our house Santa delivered all the presents that everyone had brought and sent to Santa. Dc had gotten very upset over why some kids didn't get any presents so one special Santa presents story went going to work

There's no right or wrong way to do Christmas, but it is up to us as parents to ensure our children know that all families celebrate Christmas differently.

For us, that means we've always maintained that we buy some of the gifts in their sacks. They get 1 or 2 gifts with actual 'from Father Christmas' tags, however that doesn't mean he doesn't get other things in their sacks, we are just very non committal! Our children (8 and 10) also know that not everyone believes in the magic of Christmas, and that's ok, and for those families their parents bring all their gifts. We've always (well, since about 5/6) been open about this.

If you don't wish for family members to do it the way they did this year, you need to let them know, maybe closer to next Christmas.

I'm absolutely with you OP and I don't have a clue why everybody thinks you're over thinking/over reacting. You can absolutely tell them not to say it's from Santa, they are unreasonable and bat shit to!

I had this from both sets of grandparents this Christmas even after telling my side not to keep mentioning Santa as it was getting too much my child asking so many questions. They never stopped so I’ve just started telling DC the grandparents are just being silly or that they’re confused! Answer as quick as possible and change the subject, they forget things so quick at this age anyway.

We’ve always been very deliberately vague about how it works, no magic keys or any of that stuff, no specifics, just really non-committal answers, never bothered with separate wrapping, so neither of mine would have cared. Presents are presents! My dad writes ‘From Santa’ on every present he gives to any of the family and always has.

But when DD1 started asking (very good!) questions that showed she was critically thinking about it all, we answered truthfully instead of trying to prolong it anyway or fob her off. When it’s all vague then it’s fine but when you have to start jumping through hoops and concocting bizarre stories, or when your child starts asking proper questions about it, it’s time to give it up I think!

I do agree with most posters that everyone has different approaches to Santa and it's hard to align etc. However, I also think that some grandparents go beyond their role and are a bit entitled with their GC. Yes, they want to be part of the magic, but they got to play Santa for their own kids, it's your turn to play Santa for your kids now. Certain things like taking child to see Santa for first time, encouraging child to take their first steps when they're with you etc I think is just greediness and trying to get their time twice.

YANBU OP, and I agree with others who said they’ve had their time to do this. It would probably grate on me a bit too.

Especially because it’s partly about the environment and waste

I would definitely say something. My daughter is 7 and questions a lot about it. I tell family to keep things to a minimum as they all say different stories and lies and she definitely suspects.

It sounds to me as if Santa brought him the one main present that he wanted, and it arrived at your house on Christmas Day.

And his grandparents had wanted the presents (that were from them) delivered by Santa sleigh, but Santa forgot them/didn't have room on the sleigh so they got to give them to DS at their house on Boxing Day.

Either way DS gets a load of presents. And Santa needs to hire additional sleigh space and get a decent organiser.

The only UR thing is giving this any thought at all in January!

Dd1's in-laws do this and atm gdg is very young so doesn't really understand. We've always had father Christmas delivering presents in a sack (sometimes dm used to add extra items for me to put in) and one main present from us. This year they are going to the in-laws for Christmas so won't be an issue either but dd1 did feel there were too many presents this year. (Gdg1 is only gc on that side whereas I have 3)

Totally , we had already discussed that Santa was a parents job, not grandparents.

she soon stopped.

I think you're overthinking too. This year I was unexpectedly unable to pick up the present from my parents and we told our 6 year old that Santa had delivered the presents to her grandparents to bring to her. It was made up on the spot but she didn't question it, as pp said they believe until they're ready not to. Also, sustainability I get but there will always be kids who get more and less so that line of reasoning doesn't make much difference either imo.

You're massively overthinking. Do you really think the idea that Santa left presents at both houses is going to be more confusing for a child than the question of how he travelled the whole world in one night? Or why rich children get more presents than poor ones?

You do you, but this is what we do. Santa ONLY delivers to our house. He delivers a lot of presents - at least 30 - in a huge sack. NOTHING OF ANY GREAT VALUE THOUGH! Then we give gifts = the big things, the expensive things. They come from Mum and Dad. Grandparents gifts are from Grandparents.

I'm so confused with you saying you went to a ton of effort - what, for Santa to bring ONE GIFT?! What's that all about!!!

This way, once the Santa dream is no more, they still get tones of presents. In fact we still do the sack but they now know it's from us as well, and it's gone down to 15-20 gifts in there now.

I'm 100% team OP here and don't think you are overthinking. While I agree Santa is different in every house, it's fairly universal among Santa believers that he delivers gifts to the child's house or wherever the child is staying. I think you need to be very firm on this next year. If they still insist you could say to DC that their silly granny and grandad must be getting old and got mixed up. That will put a stop to it! You don't say whose parents they are. If it's in laws and they did this when Dp was a child, leave a present at grandparents then I see the logic and you'll need to accept that and make it part of the story. If not, then they need to accept they had the Santa years and it's your turn now. Those magical few minutes on Christmas morning are compensation for the 364 other days of hard work you do raising kids and you are entitled to enjoy them

This sounds a hit tedious tbh. I think the main lesson around Christmas is to be grateful no matter who the presents are from.

I think the particular odd thing is saying "Santa left these" and then having labels saying "From Granny and Grandpa".

However, I'd assume that they come from the "everything is brought by Santa" thought, which I do find an odd concept - although from a child's perspective, it gets them out of writing thank you letters I suppose!

I have sympathy as the first time we stayed with ILs, on Christmas Eve MIL presented me with a gift bag of little presents written in her very distinctive writing that dd1 could recognise immediately "From Santa".
She wanted me to put the bags by their beds so they were the first thing they saw when they woke up.
As I knew she would, dd1 took one look and asked why Grandma had written "From Santa" when they were obviously (she pointed out the wrapping paper was the same as under the tree too) from Grandma and Grandpa. I just said to her that they wanted to pretend they were from Santa, and she was quite happy with that explanation.
Dd1 solved any issue of me talking about it with MIL by coming down and thanking Grandma and in the totally non-confidential whisper that 4yos are so good at, told Grandma that they'd both pretend that they were from Santa, but did she want to see what Santa had really bought...

For me, if she'd given me a few things and asked to put in the stocking, then it wouldn't have bothered me at all. But the putting them in a separate bag, labelling them, wanting them to be treated as stocking presents - along with the fact that she was rather sniffy about pretending, including about Santa, and had already said earlier that year that she thought children shouldn't believe once they were at school, did make me wonder if it was a subtle way of trying to stop dd1 believing by making it as obvious as possible without directly saying.

I'd do similar for your ds. Tell him Grandma and Grandpa like to pretend that Santa dropped off their presents, but the real one is the one in his room.

But if you want to add to the stocking presents without spending silly amounts, then do the one big present, but bulk out the stocking with things he'd get anyway. Mine always (and still do as adults) get pants, socks, toothbrush and a few other things that they'd get anyway. They love that - just things to open. You don't have to spend on things you wouldn't otherwise buy, and it's just fun to open.

I think it is actually very rude of them to stick their nose into your Santa story in your house.

Their gifts should be from them. The end.
We also gave one gift from Santa and and the main expensive gift was always from us.

I think if it really bothers you then you need to talk to the grandparents. I must admit my granddaughter is still little but just getting to get the gist of it all like your son…and I did ask my son and DIL a) what to buy her and b) how would they like it approached (from us as grandparents or FC?) . They didn’t really care tbh.

There’s a part of me that feels why not let the grandparents have a little bit of the magic too…but for a two sided “argument “ you’re the parents so what you want, ultimately is more important than grandparents. I think there’s ways to approach that kindly though. In all honesty a lot of grandparents aren’t really aware in my experience that there is a “problem “, they’re just excited to relive all the “magic” again. Kind communication goes a long way in a family 🫶

I think it’s important to think about the future if this is such a big deal to you. Every family approaches the story and magic of FC and Christmas differently. In the “believing “ years your son will hear lots of different views , opinions and traditions on this. Just something you’ll have to navigate in the future. As an example, I read an absurd post (imo) on my local page about the local shopping centre should hide their Santa’s grotto because the posters child is confused and they’d like to keep the magic to the one (other) Santa that they had visited. I mean imo, you couldn’t make that up!!!

As a retired teacher I’d also question that your 4/5 year old is genuinely confused or he’s just looking to you for guidance and clues on a big exciting event, and you’re reaction to it and then therefore his reaction comes across as confusion from him. Just a thought. These days and events are so exciting and so big for kids at this age when really some of them depending on age and maturity are not 100% sure what they’re excited about. It’s important for big events that adults and parents keep their emotions in check too 🫶

I think you're making too much of a big deal about it. My DD would have just been delighted to have the presents. It sounds as though you've probably made too much of a thing about Santa to him.

When our kids were small, we recognised that they were going to hear different things from their friends. So we simply said that different mummys and daddys had different arrangements with Santa. That some grown ups sent their presents to Santa for him to deliver, but we just asked him to bring one big present, and to fill their stockings.

My mother in law has always done a stocking from her - she used to give them to the DC on Boxing Day which seemed sensible. People wanting to enjoy the magic of Christmas with your children just means more fun for them.