DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

Whether he’s worked longer than OP is irrelevant. He’s still twelve years off state pension age, and using the lump sum from his occupational pension to pay off the mortgage, which reduces his pension to pin money according to the OP. He also may well not have worked long enough to secure a full state pension in the event he’s unable to find another job in the meantime. If he’s relying solely on OP’s wage to be able to do this for himself, then he can’t afford it. It’s nothing to do with jealousy, and everything to do with being the sole wage earner with full responsibility for financing her family with no end date. It’s a terrible idea.

What will happen when you retire and your earnings lesson and the bills still need to be paid???

So my understanding is that you pay £2000 into the joint account £1000 each
£900 of that is mortgage
So is this Mortgage that’s outstanding at least £12,000. I suspect it’s a lot more if the maths is correct.
In which case? How many years in theory is he paying in advance?
And at what point exactly does his small pension become a large pension that means he can chip towards the bills ?

I think him taking a year off is fine, it sounds like he's feeling burned out.

As to the mortgage, it depends how much you have in savings for emergencies. It might be best to pay most of the mortgage off but keep some aside just in case e.g. the boiler goes or you have some other unexpected expense this year that you would struggle to pay on your earnings alone. If you already have a decent pot then paying off the mortgage fully seems sensible.

I do think, though, that if he isn't working he needs to take on the school runs (so what if he doesn't live them, who does?) as well as the majority of chores so that you both get to relax in the evening and at the weekend

According to OP his pension will only be small and I’m assuming that’s because he’s taking the full lump sum to pay off the mortgage. So the point at which his small pension becomes a large one is in twelve years time when he reaches state pension age - assuming he has enough contributions for full entitlement. In the meantime OP has full responsibility for financial support until he either finds another job or reaches state pension age.

So when a woman is a stay at home parent they have to do it all do they? No sharing the jobs once the man is home from work, no parenting because the sahp has to do it all ? Or is it just because he's a man.

How much is the mortgage payoff? Divide that by £900 to see how many months he is banking. Otherwise he may as well invest his lump sum, keep the mortgage and keep paying it each month from his lump sum.

You can reduce your work when you are the same age as he is.

Okay thank you for the maths so let’s assume £12,000 for 12 years
He needs to chip in £144,000 over that period, compounded interest aside yes you’re saving it but you’re not gaining it either so that’s neutral.
And that’s just to keep things on an even keel, without inflation and without a cost-of-living crisis

there is a world of difference between a sahm with young kids and someone one with no other responsibilities

a sahm with school age kids I certainly would expect to be doing all the household stuff

In UK any person who is not working & under state pension age, can pay up to a maximum
Of £2880 into a SIPP & the Government will add free money up to £3600.
Recommend that he does this if he is not working.

Also put savings into tax free ISAs

So I was in a position to pay off our mortgage before having our son which after having him gave us the financial freedom for me to stop my full time stessful role and retrain to do something more flexible, more enjoyable and less lucrative.

We've been together 15 years and we have always had our own accounts and joint accounts. We used to pay 50:50 for bills and day to day expenses but now we split them roughly 35:65.

There was a 6 month period while i retrained when i didn't work and only made small contributions to the joint account (from my savings).

This works for us. We've always made joint big decisions and we've always looked a the cash we both have when deciding how to fund family expenses. (For example DH is paying for the solar panels, i paid for the yr 6 residential for my son.)

I think it sounds completely fair for your dh to pay the mortgage off and then take a year off contributing to the family expenses. You wont be worse off.

But its okay to also discuss together what might happen in a years time to find a work life balance for you both and think about what retirement will look like for you both and when.

(My dh currently plans to fully retire at 62. I will be 60 then and plan to semi retire at the same time, dropping down to 2 days a week instead of my current 5 days).

Each person should check their own

www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

Each person should check their own
You may need to pay extra if some of the years are not full

https://www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

If he is having a year off work.

He should take on more of the household chores

Just pool your money, a paid off mortgage benefits everyone.

Can't get on board with married couples "contributing" certain amounts tbh, wouldn't want to live like that personally.

I have had time off for babies and studying so I couldn't get worked up by this - it's all swings and roundabouts in the end

That's very odd.
Why would her occupational pension not increase if she worked till 65?
Doesn't make sense.

I wonder what work she did?

Because he’s not paying anything else! No money for other bills, food etc 🤦🏻‍♀️

He’s not stopping his contribution, he’s paying it in advance. How many months of mortgage is he covering?

I would ask him, what happens about paying for unexpected items

Examples
Washing machine breaks, you need to buy a new one, who pays ?

Family holiday, who pays ?

Emergency dental treatment, who pays ?

Pharmaceutical research. It was DB and she'd reached the maximum benefit (I think it was 30/60ths and she'd been there 30 years) and she could take it at 55 so she got a part time job (dog walking!) for the exercise, even though she could have lived off savings then took the index linked pension at 55

And of course, if you've paid off your mortgage your expenses are less

Sounds like you’re jealous as he’s retiring and you’re not. He’s older than you and he deserves / needs a break. He’s paying off the mortgage , so just give him a break
No he doesn’t need to do more of the house work either as one PP unkindly suggested

He’s essentially paid £900 per month in advance . So he has paid his share upfront . What is the problem

I think it’s a lot more complex that most posters are assuming……. It’s not just case of “he pays the mortgage, she pays the bills, he does all the household chores”.

lets say he becomes a SAHD, steps up doing the lions share, they cancel wrap around care and he does school runs so they save a bit more money.

what happens in a year? what if he decides he wants a job sooner, do they need to try and find childcare places again?

let’s say he decides he likes being a SAHD, is OP expected to pay all the bills infinitum? Or just up to the point their final mortgage payment would have been? If the latter, will her DH get a job then?

the above also only considers “bills” what about luxuries like trips out, family holidays? what about emergencies like car or boiler repairs? Will that all fall to OP?

it’s something they need to sit down and work out together, not something that can be unilaterally decided by her DH.

£900 of the household bills. But that’s it.

Presumably treats and luxuries (holidays, DC school trips, emergency household repairs etc) they currently pay jointly from both of their remaining income. He isn’t going to have any income anymore!

You need to read the thread. He is planning to take early retirement and live off a meagre pension. He won't have money to save into another pension. For this to happen it would have to come out of OPs salary. If she had this money spare then, since she has a rubbish pension herself, she should put it into her pension, not his. He is in the situation he's in because he's choosing not to work. No way should OP be going without even more than she already would be, just to pay into another pension for him.