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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am furious with my 9 year old...

56 replies

largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:08

He has been asking to go to a friends house all week, i explained that i needed to speak to his mom first. I sent him in this morning with a note with my phone number on it for her to ring me.

Today is the day they wanted to do the tea date.

I am sitting waiting for him to come out of school, his twin brother gets in and says "who are we waiting for?". "Your brother" i reply. "But he has gone back to xxx house"

Aaarrrgghhhhhhh.

I came home, phoned the school who phoned the boys mum. They have him and she had taken it as ok that my son had convinced her all was well and she could just phone me later.

Now i was specific with said walking dead child this morning about not going. He is in huge trouble. AIBU to be a bit cross at the mum too?

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 12/06/2008 16:09

Yes you should be cross at both of them I would never take a child from school without first speaking to their parent or guardian.

Twiglett · 12/06/2008 16:10

you should go and get him now

singingmum · 12/06/2008 16:10

Not really as she should have called to confirm.
Is he coming home now?
Try not to kill him too much just enough to make him not do it again.

Dragonbutter · 12/06/2008 16:11

She probably won't want him round hers anymore, if he's going to get her in trouble.

Twiglett · 12/06/2008 16:11

I think YABU to be cross at mum too though .. he told her it was ok .. he's 9 .. she thought it was ok ... she will be embarrassed

MarsLady · 12/06/2008 16:11

I would imagine she's told him and he's not enjoying the visit whilst he's quaking in fear!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:13

I have spoken to her she is very apologetic and insists the boys did an excellent job of convincing her otherwise.

I would go and get him but my house is a throughfare for the next hour then i have to take dd to Brownies. She is bringing him bak after tea.

I am amazed he has done it tbh, he is geeky sort who never does anything wrong. Am i in for a world of pain, are the defiance hormones kicking in?

OP posts:
Hassled · 12/06/2008 16:13

I can see the Mum's POV - your son arrived with a bit of paper with a phone no., saying he could go to theirs and she just had to call you later. I think in those circumstances (and with the bit of paper making it more plausible), I probably would have done as she did. I would have thought you were a bit "relaxed", but then I'm so neurotic I'm never sure what's normal .

Twiglett · 12/06/2008 16:15

I think the silent treatment is called for

DS walks in after dinner

You turn to him and say in an eerily calm voice "I am extremely disappointed in you. Go to your room please"

and that's all you say

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:15

Mars i sincerely hope he is

I was very nice to the mum, i know how convincing children can be. I dont blame her as such. BUT i wouldnt do that, i would always speak to the parent first.

OP posts:
MKG · 12/06/2008 16:15

LG&T you want me to hold him down for you?

mum2taylor · 12/06/2008 16:16

But if the tea party was to happen tonight and you only gave him a note this morning, the mother wouldnt have had time to call in advance. Maybe your dd thought you wanted the mother to call you when he arrived there safely. She should have called you straight away to let you know she had picked him up safely though.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:16

That was my next question, what shall i do to punish him.

I normally shout so the silent treatment will throw him off guard. But then what?

OP posts:
MKG · 12/06/2008 16:17

He better pray she gives him a five course meal to delay the inevitable.

JamInMyWellies · 12/06/2008 16:24

bloody children. I think the silent treatment would be great. Send him to bed confiscate any nice toys he is allowed one book. Tell him you aRE SO disappointed that although you love him you do not wish to discuss things until after you have spoken to DH and his Dad. Scare the bejesus out of him.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:32

Ah yes the discussing with other parental figures that will freak him out [evil emoticon]

I am a bit really, he is usually so good. His brother reliably informs me he had pointed out during the day he was NOT to go back to said friends house. I think his brother is abot scared for him. Lets hope he telepathically sends the scared vibes.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 12/06/2008 16:36

I think Jam is spot on. Quiet and calm. The dts are old enough to understand how disrespectful it is to do this to you with everything you have going on. Is it possible he'd already told the friend you'd said yes and he didn't want to lose face/back down? Have you got anything coming up that he is looking forward to?

J or S btw?

ShowOfHands · 12/06/2008 16:37

X-post, did he say to the friend he wasn't allowed to go or to Good Twin?

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:41

S

Beastly child. More cross the more i think about it!

He has a potential Doctor Who withdrawl. He will be devastated.

OP posts:
Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:42

J said it to both of them. S knew he couldnt go. As he left this morning i briefed him again.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 12/06/2008 16:43

Good idea, but record/Skywhatsit it for him so he can watch it when he's paid penance.

I'm sorry btw. Not what you need right now. YOu can send him to Norfolk, I'll put him to work on the farm.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:44

Farm in the backyard is penance enough

Really? Record it so he can watch it eventually. I suppose knowing that J saw it and he couldnt would be pretty bad.

OP posts:
MarsLady · 12/06/2008 16:53

Why would you record it for him? All that will tell him is that even if you don't let him watch something next time it will be recorded. That's no deterrent.

Send him to me! That'll learn him! grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Oh and email me woman! You don't have to ask! tsk tsk!

cameroonmama · 12/06/2008 16:57

at the darling angel boy's behaviour, just when were all hoping ours would turn out to be like him

May I say, perhaps not too many punishments? I think the take away Dr Who and let him have back later in the week when he has re-'proved' himself and a stern chat about how disappointed you are, you expected more from him, you are annoyed because you were worried also about what might have happened to him when he wasn't at school.

Either that or pull the dh and dad card. But will that cut immediate clout as neither are there right now??

LadyThompson · 12/06/2008 17:01

I know it was naughty of him...but he's only a wee lad and probably just really, really, really wanted to go...I can remember what that is like. Can't you just tell him off a bit, and explain why it's v important for you always to speak to the Mum first, and how his behaviour could have caused a lot of worry. Call me soft (and I am sure you all will!) but I think punishments should be reserved for genuinely nasty behaviour, and this is, well, just a bit wilful really...he was just dying to play with his little mate.