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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am furious with my 9 year old...

56 replies

largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 16:08

He has been asking to go to a friends house all week, i explained that i needed to speak to his mom first. I sent him in this morning with a note with my phone number on it for her to ring me.

Today is the day they wanted to do the tea date.

I am sitting waiting for him to come out of school, his twin brother gets in and says "who are we waiting for?". "Your brother" i reply. "But he has gone back to xxx house"

Aaarrrgghhhhhhh.

I came home, phoned the school who phoned the boys mum. They have him and she had taken it as ok that my son had convinced her all was well and she could just phone me later.

Now i was specific with said walking dead child this morning about not going. He is in huge trouble. AIBU to be a bit cross at the mum too?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 12/06/2008 17:10

sucker

the silent treatment and bedtime forgiveness .. no Dr Who .. but allow him to watch a repeat / iplayer

shabster · 12/06/2008 17:21

sorry G&T but the fun is only just beginning!! My eldest DS used to do stuff like this!! I can imagine how mad you are but it still made me snigger

As I am petrified of Daleks I would welcome a Doctor Who ban.

I liked the phrase 'evil twin' and 'good twin' btw.

pointydog · 12/06/2008 17:27

I think YABU.

They wanted to meet for tea today. You sent him in with a note for the mum to phone you today. When exactly did you want the mum to phone? If I was the mum I'd've thought you wanted me to phone when I had your son back at the house.

It's really not clear and I think you put your son in an awkward position, getting him to try to explain it all to the mum on the day of the event when he would just have been deperate to go.

pointydog · 12/06/2008 17:28

You should have made sure you spoke to the mum before today.

Twiglett · 12/06/2008 17:30

achoooally pointy raises a real point there ...

MsDemeanor · 12/06/2008 17:51

That's what I thought. Why didn't you speak to her before, maybe at school drop-off or pick-up time? If he was so keen to go, the mum was fine and the other lad was also keen I think it was a bit mean not to just contact the mum to give the ok instead of waiting until the day to say no. What could have been the harm in letting him go on the day the boys had arranged?
I imagine he was desperate to go, and he is only nine. You do need to talk to him to say this is not on, but IMO I think you also should apologise for not sorting it out with the other mum earlier and say in future you will do your best to help him so he won't feel the need to do this.

MsDemeanor · 12/06/2008 17:52

I agree that you have no right to be cross with the other mum. If I had picked up a kid from school with a note from his mum etc and she then phoned to have a go (which I know you didn't) then I wouldn't have that child round again. Too much hassle.

Soapbox · 12/06/2008 18:02

I think you are really to blame here (sorry). He had been invited early on in the week (or last week possibly) and you should have contacted the mother to say yes or no!

I don't think it is your DS's fault at all - why did you not make the call to her? Or grab her at drop off/pick up time?

Shoshe · 12/06/2008 18:12

DGD did this at about the same age. The punishment?

Grandad turned up at school every afternoon, (in his mechanics overalls) and insisted on holding her hand all the way home.

IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!

By wednesday she was promising the world for him not to do it again

Worked, she never did it again, and anything else she did Grandad just said, 'Shall I come get you from school?'

Instant well behaved DGD.

brucelovesfrumpygrumpy · 12/06/2008 18:13

Oh hell, I'd be mad too. Less so if it was a first and unusual behaviour.......

Lol at geek You love him really.

Minum · 12/06/2008 18:15

Similar thing happened to me this week - but it was my fault as I hadnt got round to contacting the mum - fortunately she called me on her mobile at pick up, so all was well. I wasnt going to give DS a hard time, as I should have followed up when he first mentioned the fact he wanted to go.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 18:21

I had said no. Thursday is a bad day for any after school extra as dd has Brownies.

I have 3 different school runs to do and it is not a simple case of chatting to other parents at the school gates. I get the baby and the toddler out the car, pick up ds in the infants. Get back in the car go round to get the twins then race back to where dd is at school. There is no margin or error.

If they want friends back for tea i phone and speak to parents. I had been asking for the phone number all week. I gave him our phone number today so she could ring me and arrange an alternate day for tea.

No room for He deliberatly disobeyed me.

Twig i am going to do the silent treatment and have a chat. Pointless playing the dh and dad card neither are here and i dont want him to dread seeing them again. My mum used to do that to us, with a just wait till your dad gets home etc..

I will let him watch Doctor Who at a later date. Mars i am not as mean as you I am sure i will be once they start doing this on a regular basis though. Good grief will they?

OP posts:
Madamejaffa · 12/06/2008 18:25

Lg&t you know what I'd do with him.....

do you have a cellar?

Naughty S, Bed before J, Dr who ban will do it, personally I wouldn't record it, a lesson is a lesson but then I'm mean.

Glad the Mum apologised, she probably was embarrased, think I would be annoyed she hadn't waited for me at the gates to check personally, but not enough to fall out over, dt is 9, he is old enough and sensible (usually) enough to know better.

at Shabster.... you better run!

Madamejaffa · 12/06/2008 18:27

LOL, X-posted lg&t, you are not as mean as me either then...... agree on the Dad/Dh card!

Sure he won't do it again.

MarsLady · 12/06/2008 18:27

Nothing to berate yourself for LG&T. You told your DS no he chose to ignore that therefore the blame is entirely his.

Haven't seen your email yet!

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 18:30

Will mail later Marsy baby, have to go and get dd from Brownies now with newly clean baby and 3 year old and it has just started fecking raining!!

Am a bit calmer now.

OP posts:
LadyThompson · 12/06/2008 18:30

I appreciate no means no but I also think that not giving a kid the reasons behind the no (does he know how pushed you are? It certainly sounds hectic) breeds resentment and disobedience...sorry.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 18:49

Of course he knew the reasons behind the no! He is 9 not 3. He understands perfectly well what goes on after school and the rules.

They have been back to friends houses before and had friends over to ours. I have to speak to the parents first, simple rule.

Nice to know it is all my fault though and not only that i am actually breeding disobedience and resentment.

OP posts:
LadyThompson · 12/06/2008 18:53

I wasn't getting at you. Like I said, sounds like you have got a lot on your plate in terms of running and believe me, I am 100% sympathetic to that. And probably a bit soft! But um, why post on an AIBU thread if you don't want people's opinions? Or did you just want everyone to say, yeah, give him bread and water for a week

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 18:57

I was waiting for that. The why post comment that is.

I am sure you were not getting at me, even though your opinion did feell like it.

I wandered if i was being a bit unreasonable at being a bit cross at the mum. I am not really sure i am cross with her tbh. I was in a flash and it isnt something i would do but not everyone has the same opinions do they.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 12/06/2008 19:02

largeginandtonic - I've just checked out your profile page and am in total awe of you! [respect emoticon]

I'm wathcing this thread closely, as this is exactly the kind of thing I can imagine my 9yo DS doing!

LynetteScavo · 12/06/2008 19:03

Oh, and YANBU to be annoyed at the mum.

I would would expect to atleast have a telephone conversation with a mum if I was having her DS to tea, or vv.

Original poster
largeginandtonic · 12/06/2008 19:06

Apologies am so tired and am 12 weeks pregnant. The hormones have gone a bit crazy. DH is away at sea and lets just say this is the last straw this week.

Sorry LT to have a pop back. I'm off for a sob so i can become strong again for ds when he comes in.

OP posts:
LadyThompson · 12/06/2008 19:09

Well, everyone will have different opinions on how you deal with your ds about it (and I take my hat off to you for coping with six little kids - I couldn't even begin to) but I bet the mum just got muddled up messages from the kids about it. Seriously, have a big glass of wine, put your feet up and forget about it.

LadyThompson · 12/06/2008 19:12

PS - pop away! You need a big rest and some tlc. Never mind fretting yourself about all this.

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