To find it hard to care about men's issues

[Parsleyforme]

Men's cancer, diseases and suicide I do care about, but I am really struggling to care about the other modern problems of modern men.

My brother says that the modern men of today are very confused about who they should be and how they should act and that is giving them all identity crises and/or midlife crises, depending on their ages. Things like they get told that men as a whole are bad, they don't know who they are as a man anymore, they don't know how much they should show their feelings, they feel guilt even if they're a good man, they don't know what they're supposed to bring to relationships anymore etc. etc.

I'm finding it quite hard work enough to be a woman without having to worry about or really hear about men's issues as well. And I'm actually quite frustrated that I'm being expected to provide a understanding and sympathetic ear. I went to a girl's school and when I left Barbieland I had to pretty quickly catch on that lotss of men are creeps and women aren't actually at the top of any industry or even their own relationships. It actually angers me a bit that I'm expected to feel something for the men who are feeling unsettled when all we've really managed is to get them to stop wolf-whistling at us or sacking us if we get pregnant.

AIBU to feel like this? WIBU to say I don't really have the bandwidth (read:patience) for this and maybe he should talk to some men who can empathise rather than a woman?

Some really really vitriolic statements on here that are really depressing for the state of society.

Wow. I knew mumsnet hated men but this is terrible.

Another absolutely ridiculous statement

mind boggling.

Yep I think it’s just condensed here , thankfully I don’t think it’s society as a whole ( I certainly hope not) but you have to feel for men who are judged here for just being that, a man. I’m a woman btw and have rarely felt downtrodden by the many male figures that I have round me or if I have I’ve been strong enough to stand up for myself .

Pretty much the same. My BIL is probably the best one I know but even he is a bit selfish. I’ve never known a good one, it’s pretty sad.

So youve got nothing.
Ok

I am angry, I think I deserve to be angry about how men have treated me my whole life. Isn’t it okay to be angry about how you’re treated? I’m not trying to argue with you at all but I am interested to see why you think it’s a bad thing or that some of us aren’t entitled to be angry. Most men I know are angry about something almost every day.

I’m really sorry you have been badly treated.

there are a couple of German ones from the 2000s (Die Wilden Hühner - not sure if available in English but they are great)

they should be. Thousands of years of patriarchy will do that to you.

There is an organisation: The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) for men. For their mental health issues. Set up by a woman.

Rape crisis centres, with men's facilities: set up by women.

etc etc.

yanbu because "Care about what you want."
Are you trying to convince others to your way of thinking or sharing your priorities?
Didn't convince me.

Derry Girls, Little Women, Grace and Frankie,Thelma and louise

Well we clearly need more female role models, absolutely. But boys need role models possibly even more often than girls do, because there are a lot more boys growing up without a father than girls without a mother. Which is probably not helping society with the Andrew Tate effect

I talk to my brother about whatever either of us are bothered about at the time. I would never say I didn’t have bandwidth to deal with any of his issues, neither would he to mine. I think it’s pretty rude.

Men aren't lonely enough imo

gosh don't go to Incel Reddit then. 🙄

Are you not capable of a simple Google search? You can answer your own questions in half the time if you look for information instead of waiting for someone to spoon feed it to you.

you keep making statements about research coming out and "if you have access to academic databases" so presumably you think you're an academic?

Then you know the rules: you make the assertion, you back it up. We don't do your "research" for you

As for sex preference: my DH is from an Irish catholic family as are many of our friends. Ask yourself why my DH has 4 older sisters (his parents couldn't afford more children and yet...) and his friends and wider family, so many men/boys with more than 2 older sisters. Hmmm. It's a real headscratcher.

(to be fair i think sex-preference and sex-disappointment is something that needs therapy)

ca c’est bien un commentaire de branleur

Ca c’est bien un commentaire de branleur

As my children have navigated the teen years and early 20s, 2 of their friends have taken their own lives. Just heard of a friend's son who has lost a friend in the same way. All male. I care about the reasons why as a mum of boys. I don't believe we can say these boys/young men bought their problems on themselves and therefore we should not care.

the fact that you can instantly name the few that are dominated by female characters (same as "oh female leaders... and people can instantly name the only ones we've had in the uk but would fail to list all the men) says a lot about the skew towards male.

We know that JK Rowlings editors deliberately kept a female name off the cover because "boys don't read books by women" we know that is why PD James did the same.

Things were slowly getting better but i suspect it is now going backwards in terms of female representation and participation.

Most of us have limited capacity - we can't care about everything and we set priorities. For some it is cats, donkeys, hedgehogs, women's rights. and that is ok

but many many many men are whining that "nothing gets set up for International Men's Day". Wonder why that is?

I am so so sorry to read that. Absolutely heartbreaking.

ETA: sorry, that was very short. I am sorry that this is going on in your boys' lives.

How are you and the people around them addressing it?

I have more than a few friends who have been sexually assaulted, raped, abused by men. I have given a lot of time to individuals, and to organisations who try to counter MVAWAG and so on. Help for men is not going to come from nowhere. And i rather suspect it will be women driving the efforts. As usual.

There was a news item a couple of days ago where it was said that men are struggling to get paternity leave and if they do, it can harm their career. I just said, welcome to our world, now they know what it’s like. (They have no idea in reality) It’s the same with trans issues, I’m not saying they don’t have problems but women don’t even get equality yet.

god the fucking whining from the "well i can't take leave because... i earn more, they need their mum..." was infuriating