To leave my DH in a Zombie Apocalypse?

[Turmerictea]

Obviously a hypothetical, but I’ve realised my DH, lovely as he is, may be a bit of a liability in a zombie apocalypse.

He's great at playing battles with the kids, but I suspect the presence of a zombie threat would have him suddenly finding something to fix in the house like the washing machine filter, rather than get a club full of nails and preserve supplies.

AIBU?

I’d keep him nearby, then you can always push him into the path of an incoming zombie to save your self.

Fatten him up now. You might need him to trade, or if times are hard, to snack on yourself.

I would be a liability, I plan to lock myself in the house and drink while waiting for them to come.

I will be dying happy

Valid, but he runs regularly so may just dessert (desert?!) me to the zombies!

I think you should buy him helicopter lessons and put yourself in charge of guns and ammo...

Now that's a good idea. If he didn't secretly consume macdonalds and nary put on a pound!

He does have a sword (a foil) i can steal.

In the ZA, the average medieval peasant ancestor would be a lot more useful than a 21st C DH. They can fight and hunt and trap and farm and make weapons and brew and are good with fires and probably throw in a bit of herbal healing.

I suspect if Im in charge of guns and ammo, I'll bulk buy on amazon as is my nature and we'll end up with a doomsday prepping shed!

But I'll certainly nick his foil! (He hasn't fenced since Uni but it hangs about like a relic!)

Great! Can I meet one on Tinder?!

I'm not averse to killing a deer or rabbit by the side of the road, again I suspect DH would be less willing!

I need to encourage him to take up rounders so I have the bats to hand.

To be fair though, sending him back to the fifteenth century to learn skills is probably more brutal than just leaving him to the zombies.

Probably the best course of action.
I have a delirious idea of taking pallets and old decking and boarding my windows up, stash the kids under the beds, then face zombies with a nailed bat and stock pile tinned new potatoes till help comes.

I would be the liability here. DH is very into guns and survival stuff. He would thoroughly enjoy a zombie apocalypse.

I’d use my DH as a human shield.

I hope he can defend you :)

You may be surprised to hear that we have discussed this often. There are definitely two sorts of people - the ones who see the zombie hoard coming over the hill and go ‘fuck it, I’m doomed’ and just lie down; and the ones who run and create new pockets of survivors.

I have no cardio strength so I’m with @Wolfpa drinking the house dry.

a foil would merely tickle a zombie, I'm afraid.
a rake would be better.

my dh's book hoarding would come in handy. throwing them at the Z would result in painful papercuts all over.

Dh would actually be pretty useful I’d just have to stop him killing himself due to his allergic reactions to food he wouldn’t think about in such a situation 🙄 I have a good stock of his inhalers so I’m good there.

Im already quite preppy and he is a good shot with a gun. But if we need to run I’m fucked.

I have an extensive hoard and hunker down plan that I think would allow us to live for a good long while in relative safety there is however one huge Achilles heel and that’s my glasses. I have 3 pairs of old ones in the house that could be used but if anything happens to my supply then I’m useless and may as well just sit down and wait to get eaten.

I have two old pairs stashed around the house, but i can get around without them... it is something I'd not considered. Certainly I wont have any precision or accuracy were it needed.

See, DH thought he'd finally had a reason to justify it standing next to the ironing board in the utility room!

We have leaf rakes but I suspect they're the same flimsy waste of time. A good spade however, and a leaf blower...

If you have a leaf blower, you have a flame thrower.

Your survival chances just increased by 27 points.

DH has just suggested the le crueset cast iron pans - perhaps hes not so useless after all!

is he able to throw them far enough? they are bloody heavy

I'll be all right. I've got a ghastly terrier who bites everything that moves. She'd see those zombies off. Or, she'd be zombied herself and the world does NOT need a zombie Patterdale, they're bad enough in their ordinary form.

Hm. Back to the drawing board on that one, I think.

If I’ve learnt anything from watching a few too many zombie shows it’s that you need a sharp thin but sturdy double edged knife that slides into the side of a skull easy. Big chunky blades get stuck, anything too long is flimsy, brittle and snaps.