DD babysitting for family who are never on time

[alwayschill]

DD17 is currently working at a nursery and also does some babysitting on the side to make a little extra cash. She doesn’t drive right now but plans to start lessons soon. Most of her clients are local, so she takes the bus, but I’ll pick her up if it’s late. Recently, she started babysitting for a family that lives in a rural area with not much public transport. I’ve been taking her there and picking her up every time, which is fine by me (they pay pretty well). The only issue is they’re always later than they say they will be. One parent works at the hospital and the other at a pub, so even though they give DD a time, their shifts usually run over. There have been a few times now that I’ve waited for half an hour because they were late, and obviously, DD can’t just leave the kids. DD suggested she could ask them to text her before leaving work to save me from waiting around, but that’s not ideal as it means I’d be hanging around all evening waiting for a message. I don’t mind picking her up if I know the time in advance so I can plan my evening accordingly.

AIBU to tell DD that if they can’t get back on time, they’ll need to find someone else? I feel a bit guilty because they usually give her a few shifts each week and it’s extra money for her, but it’s starting to become a hassle!

Ask them to text you both when leaving work so you know when to leave. If it's up to half an hour later than they said I'd say that's pretty easy to plan your evening around.

Can they drop her home once the last one is in from work?

This- one of them work in a hospital perhaps they are unable to leave on time.

She needs to talk to them about her options. Can one of them drive her to a more convenient transport hub or order her an uber for example?

Get her to tell them that after a certain time, she will need them to pay for a taxi as you are not available. That's not unreasonable.

You’re missing the part that they aren’t together, they’re working. So when one comes back they can’t take her home as then the kids will be home alone.

They should run her home when they get back. I thought that was pretty standard.

The host family need to get her an uber as part of the deal.

In all the babysitting jobs I had as a teen / young adult (80s, and 90s), in my experience as a parent paying people to sit for me (90s and 00s) and IME when my grown dc were sitting for others (2010s and current) I have never experienced parents 'running the babysitter home'. I've only ever heard of it on MN and in the film 'Rita, Sue and Bob Too' - which probably isn't something we want to suggest on here.
I presume some families must have done it, but it certainly isn't 'standard'.

Honestly this is always why we used babysitters that could drive. It was a real pain being tied to the clock utterly when you don't exactly know how the night would be.

Lots of people are saying pubs have a definite finish time. Pubs close at a definite time, it doesn't mean staff clock off then too? I think for OP one parent drops her DD off at home or pay for a taxi. There are not many childcare options for people who work 'anti social' hours.

She needs to explain she gets a lift home so if they will be late home please text so you can be texted

I 100% don't think you are being unreasonable.

However, it's not a case of the parents loosing track of time at the pub, and when your DD says she can't work late them thinking "oh DD is a great babysitter and the kids love her, we'll have to drink slightly less and keep better track of time."

It's likely that when their shifts end they HAVE to wait for the last guests to leave so they can lock the pub/the new nurses to come and a proper hand over to happen, if they don't want to lose their jobs. When DD says she can't wait late, their only option may well be to find a babysitter without those restrictions. So if you get DD to say something, you ARE happy enough for her to lose that babysitting job. (People are saying a parent could bring DD home, but that requires both parents to be home which adds another complication if neither are good at being home on time!...)

The OP hasn't told us the distance/ driving time involved.

If this couple live rurally, and they're both coming home at the same time, they should be able to give her a lift home (as they obviously have their own transport and are sober enough to drive) and I'd suggest this as the most obvious solution in future.

However if only one of them is coming home (and the other's on night shift, for example) that wouldn't work. On those nights, it would be best for them to tell her an hour-long window during which they expect/hope to be back - then as a PP suggested, they could send your dd a message when they're actually on their way - which would in turn give you enough notice to drive there to collect her...

YANBU. I have 16 and 18 year old DDs, and give them (and various friends!) lifts all the time, and I'm always sober, so they know they can count on me. I'm happy to do lifts with no notice in an emergency, but like you @alwayschill, I prefer to be able to plan my time, and feel much more comfortable with a set time and place decided in advance.

If you're going to the effort of driving out to pick your DD up, and your DD is going to the effort to babysit for their DC so they can work, then these people can go to the effort of either getting home when they say they will be, or arranging a later pick up time and paying "waiting time" if they're home earlier.

When I was a babysitter the parents would give me a lift home. Sometimes if they knew they’d be really late, I’d stay over at their house in the spare room. Would that be an option? Although I appreciate that she might not feel comfortable with that.

Well perhaps I should modify it to say that it ought to be standard where the babysitter has no way of getting home ie anyone who can't drive and where there is no public transport. I don't think it is reasonable to expect the babysitter's mum to do all the ferrying around and I have never heard of this being a normal thing. They are both working and ought to get an au pair or a nanny if they want someone with car/clean licence etc. But they aren't doing that because presumably they are trying to save a bit of money. This couple are using her to cover work hours, won't have been drinking while they are at work and so there is no reason at all why they can't run her home.

Your Daughter needs to tell them when they leave for their shifts that you're picking her up at xx time can they be on time please & let them know if they are late they will have to either call & pay for a taxi or drive her home themselves. TBH if you know you're having to pick her up you won't have any other plans so it's not a huge inconvenience for you but I get it's frustrating & needs addressing. Please don't stop her babysitting though as at that age she'll be needing money for driving lessons etc & babysitting is a safe way to do that.