DD babysitting for family who are never on time

[alwayschill]

DD17 is currently working at a nursery and also does some babysitting on the side to make a little extra cash. She doesn’t drive right now but plans to start lessons soon. Most of her clients are local, so she takes the bus, but I’ll pick her up if it’s late. Recently, she started babysitting for a family that lives in a rural area with not much public transport. I’ve been taking her there and picking her up every time, which is fine by me (they pay pretty well). The only issue is they’re always later than they say they will be. One parent works at the hospital and the other at a pub, so even though they give DD a time, their shifts usually run over. There have been a few times now that I’ve waited for half an hour because they were late, and obviously, DD can’t just leave the kids. DD suggested she could ask them to text her before leaving work to save me from waiting around, but that’s not ideal as it means I’d be hanging around all evening waiting for a message. I don’t mind picking her up if I know the time in advance so I can plan my evening accordingly.

AIBU to tell DD that if they can’t get back on time, they’ll need to find someone else? I feel a bit guilty because they usually give her a few shifts each week and it’s extra money for her, but it’s starting to become a hassle!

Not necessarily, it depends how much needs to be done at the end of service and whether you have difficult customers etc. to deal with, live entertainment that needs closing down...

I don't understand how them finishing late means you're "hanging around all evening waiting for a message".

Surely your DD has an estimated finishing time of say, 11pm, so that's the earliest you'll be collecting her. Just be ready to leave at say, 10.30 but don't head off until she messages.

She just needs to say ‘Can you text me when you leave work so I can text my Mum to come and get me?’

You’re hardly waiting round all night. If you know it’s usually 11pm ish, and she texts you at 11.08pm to say ‘leave now’ it’s not really a biggie.

Help her out. You say they pay well, that’s probably because they need some flexibility, especially if they work in hospitals and pubs. It’s not like they’re out on the piss and being unreliable.

We always message our babysitters once we know what time we will be back (usually when on our way), but also give a time window rather than a strict time back.

Ultimately, these are the conditions of the job, your daughter can either accept them or not. It doesn't look like parents have a choice either. They should absolutely message as soon as they know what time they'll be home, and also agree what is the latest time your daughter can stay.

I don't think how she gets there and back is really their problem. If it doesn't work for you because you don't want to wait and she needs a ride, then that job isn't suitable for her.

If they’re persistently late, a late charge or they drop her off could work. It depends on the agreement.

Easy solution... they need to book her fir an extra 30mins

The OP has stated this family live rurally. Getting a cab as has been suggested numerous times doesn’t work. I’m five miles from my nearest town, a taxi would charge £40 at night.

Easy solution, they change the time by 30 minutes later and pay her for those 30 extra minutes. Job done.

This.

From your title, I made an assumption they were on a night out and losing track of time. However, reading your OP, these people are working, and working in jobs that mean there will be times they can't just clock off.
It sounds like they are paying your dd well to do this, so it would presumably leave quite a gap in her 'extra income' if she lost the job, so, as it seems you are happy to collect her as a rule you can either -

• assume they won't be home until later (as you say "never on time") so set out 20mins or 1/2 hour later than you are now
• ask your dd to say 'Mum is willing to pick me up, up until 11pm. If it is going to be after that, can one of you drive me home please'
• ask your dd to say 'My Mum is getting fed up of waiting on unpredictable finish times, can you message me when you leave work so that I can message Mum to leave home then please, rather than waiting outside your house, in the cold'

Any one of which would work, and your dd doesn't lose her job, and, the couple have a sitter, so they won't lose their jobs. 3 easy solutions, without any ultimatums needed.

DD suggested she could ask them to text her before leaving work to save me from waiting around, but that’s not ideal as it means I’d be hanging around all evening waiting for a message. I don’t mind picking her up if I know the time in advance so I can plan my evening accordingly.

I don’t see what the difference is, you’d usually wait around to pick her up or make sure your free for a certain time to collect her but you’re saying they can be half hour late so surely it’s not that much of a bother to just wait for a text, you know roughly what time you need to collect her so why not just wait for a text before setting off?

I think that would not be a sensible thing to do at 11.30 at night for a 17 Yr old .

Are they paying her more to reflect the extra time? If not, why not?

I agree with PP - if finish time is 21:00, come at 21:30. She can always have a cup of tea with them.

it depends. A shift that finishes whilst the pub is open and the next staff member is taking over will finish at a set time. But if you’re on closing shift, the end time often changes depending on how many customers are in and what time the boss decides to say the bar is closed. If if it’s busy you might jog get time to do any of the end of night cleaning up before the bar shuts, so you have to do it after that.

Its been years since we had a babysitter, but if a non-driving teenager, it was top priority to make sure they got home safely, either by taking ourselves, or getting the taxi to wait and take her home (at our cost). I am aghast that people wanting these services don't take that into account. When younger myself, I used to stay over with the kids if the parents were going to be really late back.

I think you're being unreasonable! If you employ someone to do a job and tell them that job finishes at 9pm then you should ensure they are able to leave at 9pm. If you can’t guarantee you’d be back by a certain time then you ensure they are able person you employ to do the job know this before they take the job. Just because that person is sitting in your home doesn’t mean they should be treated so badly.

rule should be they drop her back - but its not clear if they come back at the same time or not - if not then they need to be on time or she doesn't babysit for them

She does know.
She knows they work in jobs where, although officially their shifts end at X time, it doesn't necessarily mean they can, in reality, leave on the dot.
It is common in lots of jobs.
The dd (the babysitter) does know this, and has accepted the job, knowing this.
The OP says she is well paid for it.

What the OP has to decide is if she is willing to support her dd working this 2nd job, which she can only do if her Mum collects her.
I've done plenty of that sort of thing to support my dc over the years.

The sooner the dd can save the money to learn to drive, the sooner the Mum won't be needed at all.
Plus, once she passes, I'm sure the dd will help the OP out now and then. I know mine have all been great at driving me about since passing their tests.

I also don’t get the issue with them texting her as they’re leaving then her texting you to leave to pick up. If you know they should finish at 10 and worse case it’s 10:30 then it doesn’t affect your evening any more than it does currently and it would be better than what’s happening now where you’re waiting in the car or their house because at least you’ll be able to wait at home.

Not very safe on dark and cold winter evenings is it?

If she asks them to drive her back, then presumably she'll have to wait until both are home, and be even later as they won't want to drag the children out of bed.

But if both parents are working then she would leave when the first one comes home. No one could drive her as the kids would be home alone?

I babysat loads for years and had no patience for lateness. I always had more asks than weekends though so it was fine when I dropped people. Particularly nowadays when everyone has a phone there’s no excuse really - they must know before 11 (or whatever) that they aren’t getting home at 11.

I am sure if I booked a young babysitter and had a car I would drive them home. If not the couple need to sort a taxi and pay for it.

I think it's worth a discussion with them first, to see if there is a solution. Can one of them drop her home, or are they happy for her to hang around waiting for you to collect her (how far is she from you to pick up?) or can they message her when they are leaving, so you can leave at the right time?

A taxa is quite expensive and I wouldn't leave the kids to ferry the babysitter home.
But of course I would keep track of time and not be late.

The parents must know mum is picking up. They should respect that.

I would ask them for a set time and if not able to do that they could find another babysitter. Good money or not.

I wouldn’t have a problem waiting for a text tbh.

But it does sound like your DD needs to speak to them about this issue.