DD babysitting for family who are never on time

[alwayschill]

DD17 is currently working at a nursery and also does some babysitting on the side to make a little extra cash. She doesn’t drive right now but plans to start lessons soon. Most of her clients are local, so she takes the bus, but I’ll pick her up if it’s late. Recently, she started babysitting for a family that lives in a rural area with not much public transport. I’ve been taking her there and picking her up every time, which is fine by me (they pay pretty well). The only issue is they’re always later than they say they will be. One parent works at the hospital and the other at a pub, so even though they give DD a time, their shifts usually run over. There have been a few times now that I’ve waited for half an hour because they were late, and obviously, DD can’t just leave the kids. DD suggested she could ask them to text her before leaving work to save me from waiting around, but that’s not ideal as it means I’d be hanging around all evening waiting for a message. I don’t mind picking her up if I know the time in advance so I can plan my evening accordingly.

AIBU to tell DD that if they can’t get back on time, they’ll need to find someone else? I feel a bit guilty because they usually give her a few shifts each week and it’s extra money for her, but it’s starting to become a hassle!

I wouldn’t be comfortable doing this alone in the dark at 20 years older than DD.

DD suggested she could ask them to text her before leaving work to save me from waiting around, but that’s not ideal as it means I’d be hanging around all evening waiting for a message. I don’t mind picking her up if I know the time in advance so I can plan my evening accordingly.

Wouldn’t you be planning your evening up to the time you would leave if they didn’t work overtime? It would only be from then there would be any uncertainty.

But as this is happening at gone 11pm at night, I can understand why you aren’t happy.

I think it depends how frequently and how much your DD wants the extra money. No one is being particularly unreasonable as variable finish times are usually the nature of babysitting but understand that the pick ups are a pain for you. Can you share pick ups with a DP so you don’t have to stay up each time?

This was one of the reasons we encouraged our DD to learn to drive asap. If you really don’t want to pick up at variable times then DD will need to speak to them or turn down the job.

Surely the best solution is to just talk to them 🥴. Your DD needs to make them aware that them being late is causing her transport problems as she relies on you (until she passes her test. She needs to put some solutions/work around forwards and discuss how you all can make this work. I expect they will be keen to find a solution as it sounds as if your DD is reliable and qualified as she works in a nursery.

Your DD sounds as though she’s being very mature and trying to find a solution whilst you are putting up barriers. I don’t get why a text wouldn’t work, you’re already in pickup mindset so 30 mins is nothing!

They are working and in those jobs end shift can be later depending on drunk people or ill patients or paperwork

hope they pay her for the extra - if not why not ?

al she has to do is ask them to text her when on way home so she can text you with a time

it is not the family’s job to make sure she gets home safely. If she is old enough to babysit then dd needs to sort out travel - which she has via you

Maybe get dd to write down times and when back for a few weeks.

see if any pattern to being later

Maybe some nights like Friday are busier then a week night for pub work

if always 30mins later then you arrive at that time an if they are early/on time dd can sit on their sofa

Honestly. I imagine this is cash in hand regular work that suits your DD. A few late pick ups for someone who works is a hospital and can’t just walk out and someone in hospitality who I imagine is in a similar position. I’d say she wouldn’t find something as flexible that fits with her current job. Imagine the stress already in that house without adding in extra payments, taxis to sort etc. she will be driving soon. I’d suck it up.

This seems like a rather entitled view!
anyone providing a service, paid or not, deserves enough respect that they have an idea of when their shift will end
even on a ‘treat’ night out surely you can be considerate enough to know what time is reasonable to get back for.
also, the post is referring to a 17 year old who’s being paid cash in hand and the parents she is sitting for know she doesn’t have her own transport.

‘Being treated so badly…’ Because they’re a little late being home for a babysitter as their work shifts ran over? One is a nurse for goodness sakes. She’s being paid for her time, even when they run over. The OP’s issue is the parent of the babysitter wants a specific pickup time which is clearly difficult to provide if doing shift work, give or take 15/20 mins. How is that treating someone badly?

Ive got a babysitter booked next Saturday for example and have told them I’ll be back sometime between 11.30 and midnight. I fail to understand how that is treating someone badly.

OP didn't say she's being paid for the extra time - unless I missed that?

I assume she is, but if it happens regularly, it's a different kind of arrangement and everyone should be clear where they stand.

In your final sentence, saying between 1130 and midnight is perfect - but if you didn't come home til 1230, then it would be a problem for me. And that seems to be the situation here.

I found babysitters that needed me back at a specific time (on the dot) irritating. I once had to leave the school quiz before the end for example. I found someone else with own transport.

(Obviously I paid for the time)

The post isn’t about you though is it ?

I never had my mother collect me from babysitting jobs - one of the parents always took me home! Is this unusual now? The girl I used lived only four houses down so not a problem. I think one of them needs to drop her back.

Give them a range then, or a latest time.
When I was a young babysitter, I might have been happy to babysit til 11 on a school night but not til 1 am, so I might have turned down a late job.

Yeah I did thanks for your help.

It didn't sound like that from your post, sorry.

Tricky because if you live rurally that’s not really your daughter’s fault and she’s done well to get a consistent paid job in line with her interests. I’d probably suck it up and take a book or browse vinted. It won’t be forever and at least you know she’s safe

Your dd needs to learn to drive. I’ve been in childcare over 20 years, before having my own kids I’d be babysitting at least 3 nights most weeks. I’d estimate half of the sits run later than you are told. Particularly for those using the sitter as childcare while they work they have gone for this option precisely because they have hard to manage finish times. It’s not great but I do think bits part of what is babysitting half hour hear or these (so long as it’s paid) is to be expected

It is in the OP that the dd wants to learn to drive.
She is only 17, and I presume using the money from the babysitting / 2nd job to save up to be able to afford to.

I agree that part of babysitting is not sweating about that exact finish time.

Your daughter could get a taxi when they return?
I think you collecting and dropping off is perhaps “a free pass” for lateness.
i don’t think waiting until they are on their way home to text you is unreasonable either so you have to decide if you’re willing to accept that.

I babysat for years and years, walked everywhere and depending on time parents came home depended on me getting a taxi or not.

something simple like “I’ll be getting a taxi home on X night, can you confirm what time you’ll be back so I can book in advance” and see what they say/suggest!

She needs to charge double time pro-rata if they are late.
She should tell them this in advance then charge accordingly.

Recently, she started babysitting for a family that lives in a rural area with not much public transport.

I don't understand why people choose to live so isolated.

Beautiful countryside but what the F do you do when the car breaks down??

I love living in a small city with all amenities around. Supermarkets to get food, pubs to meet locals, neighbours around, library a bus ride away, jobs for our kids, fabulous!

This happened to me and I never babysat for that family again, no regrets.

If they can’t keep the agreement to be back on time it’s not worth it.

Has she tried explaining the problem to them in a nice way? "Please can I just check that you're sure that's the time you'll because otherwise my mum has to wait for me in the cold?" They may say "add on 20 mins to be sure" in which case problem solved (and more money!)

We used to pay for a taxi for our BS. Her parents never offered to bring her or collect her so I would pick her up and pay for her to get home. They both drove but just didn't do lifts. Xx