Thoughts on this please. Feeling guilty.

[podge98]

Dd is 3 (4 in march) and attends a private pre school Wed-Fri as these are the days that I work. I have been considering putting her in on a Tuesday too so she’d be doing 4 days a week. However I am battling with myself over it and would appreciate some perspective. This is my reasoning:

Pros:
Currently I use a Tuesday for boring jobs. I catch up on housework, do the food shop, life admin stuff etc. I find myself getting really stressed and distracted with her around as she constantly demands attention. It would be really good to just be able to crack on with these necessary jobs and even start some other projects (like mass decluttering) which I never get time for.

She’d be actually doing something fun and educational rather than sat about waiting for me to do boring jobs and then going to Asda!

It would help gradually build her week up in readiness for starting full time school in September.

I might even be able to do some things for me! Like the gym or a haircut or whatever that I really struggle to find time for now.

Cons:
The main one is guilt. I feel like I’m putting her in pre school when she doesn’t really need to be there for my own benefit, and I won’t get this time back with her when she starts school.

Cost. We currently stretch the 30 hour funding so she can go during holidays and this covers her 3 days but anything above that would be chargeable - probably an extra £100 ish per month which is doable until September but again feels like an unnecessary cost.

I’m worried it would be too much for her and she’d be exhausted by the end of the week.

Your thoughts would be very much appreciated!

Cons:
The main one is guilt. I feel like I’m putting her in pre school when she doesn’t really need to be there for my own benefit,

Never underestimate the positive benefit of your own mental health, if youre overwhelmed; then its a benefit, its not selfish, you're not locking her in a cupboard, she is in pre school, with a multitude of social benefits.

If it makes you a better parent on the days you ARE with her, because you're fully present, caught up on jobs, etc, do it.

Would it be possible to shuffle things with work around so she is in 4 days a week with wednesday off.

That way she's getting used to spending most of the week there while never going more than 2 days without a break. You have spare time to get things done on a day off without her, and you can have a fun day together mid week as well as the weekends.

It’s good for children to learn that boring life stuff needs to happen , that life isn’t just fun fun fun

I think the main thing is does she like being at preschool. If she's happy to go, has friends there etc and enjoys it then great, everybody wins.

She will be learning a lot by being with you when you do boring things, even if it is just patience and how to occupy herself. If you need a break and can't get one at the weekends then go for it but don't frame it as being better for her because it is probably as good for her as nursery would be.

I'd keep her with you - I miss mine so much now they're at school

It’s not an unnecessary cost if it allows you some space in the week either to catch up on boring jobs or to have some time for yourself. It’s money well spent if you’re able to be more present when she’s at home.

Split the middle, continue with 3 days until Easter, then up to 4 after Easter. Save money now against the extra cost April-July.

Why don't you outsource your tasks instead of paying for nursery? Then you can spend quality time with your child. Get a cleaner and do online food shopping. I used to do this when I worked 3 days amd had 2 preschoolers. Meant I could really enjoy the time with them, she'll be at school before you known it. Online food shopping saves so much time too.

She doesn’t watch me lol. She will play on her own while I try to crack on or watch tv. Which I don’t mind really as I know she’ll be at pre school keeping busy the next 3 days. But it’s hard for me to get everything done with constant interruptions and obviously leaves no time for things for me like the gym etc.

She does seem to quite like going around the supermarket though.

Tues was my day off and dc didn't go to nursery.. We had breakfast out every week. And trawled the supermarkets.. He's 11 and still mentions that cafe.

Spend the time with your dd.
You won't regret it ime.
Come September you'll be kicking yourself she's out the door 5 days a week and shattered by 4pm.

They see and watch and learn so much more than you realise but it sounds like you have decided anyway so that’s fine

I haven’t decided hence why I’m asking.

Think of it this way: you get to whizz around and do your jobs effectively, so when you do have time with her, you can enjoy it and play with her.

It is only in very recent years that parents have been expected to give every waking moment of their lives to playing and bonding with their children, while simultaneously working full time! It's an impossible ask. When I was growing up, babies were routinely left in prams outside shops, so mothers could get the shopping done in peace, left in prams in gardens so mothers could get chores done, allowed to play outside with crowds of other children, so mothers could get chores done - and this was in an era when one wage paid for essentials, so a lot of women weren;t also juggling work.

You are human. You cannot conjure more hours into a day or a week. Do what suits you and leaves you most upbeat, refreshed and feeling in control of your life. She will benefit hugely from that.

Read through your answers - you do know what you would prefer !

Are you a single parent? It doesn’t sound like you have a partner but you say we.

If you are a single parent then do what you need to to get a break. If you are not a single parent then get dad should be pulling his weight and facilitating you getting a bit of me time as you should for him. Team work.

I don't really get it. Get your Asda food delivered and maybe leave the mass decluttering? It's really not long until she starts school proper, and then the issue goes away. You can get back on top of things in the autumn when you have more time.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here but my first thought was that she will def be learning whilst with you. As others have said learning to keep herself entertained and learning it’s not all fun fun fun, or at least the fun can be found in the mundane. But also I do get the prioritise yourself mantra!

id ignore the comment that you’ll regret it when she’s at school and shattered by 4. This wasn’t my experience.

but if money is even vaguely tight I’d be tempted to keep the status quo… you’ll get your time once she’s at school and I’m sure the decluttering and exercise or whatever can trundle along slowly til then

This is a hard one.

I know that the impact of not having any time to yourself to recharge and get things done is huge. With that in mind, what I am going to say is very unpalatable for most of us - children do better when kept at home.

They just do - in terms of cortisol levels, attachments, social later and so on.

They do not have to be with you at home, but home is better than pre school.

Could you find someone to come to your house and play with her for a few hours on a Tuesday? That way you both could get what you need.

She starting school this year – 4 days isn't a big deal.

Wheres her Dad/other parent in this? If you are part of a couple what are they doing about all the life admin too?

I’m sorry but I agree with those saying keep her at home. Not because I disapprove of pre-school. Far from it. But because she gets the best of both worlds now so why change it when its not really necessary ( and school is coming soon).

This ^ I didn’t actually read your pros and cons. Honestly if she’s starting school 5 days a week in Sep then what’s 4 days at preschool?

Of course you should do it! Give yourself some sanity time. They aren't long days and you have the holidays and Fridays.

DS did two extra mornings from 3 where I wasn't at work and 4 days a week when I was on mat leave. I never felt guilty for a moment!

There are loads of kids in nursery from 8-6 five days a week for gods sake!

Yes before one or Ttwo maybe but the OPs child is almost 4. DS started school at 4 and a few months and has totally flourished. Lots of children do. Unless you are saying home school them?