Thoughts on this please. Feeling guilty.

[podge98]

Dd is 3 (4 in march) and attends a private pre school Wed-Fri as these are the days that I work. I have been considering putting her in on a Tuesday too so she’d be doing 4 days a week. However I am battling with myself over it and would appreciate some perspective. This is my reasoning:

Pros:
Currently I use a Tuesday for boring jobs. I catch up on housework, do the food shop, life admin stuff etc. I find myself getting really stressed and distracted with her around as she constantly demands attention. It would be really good to just be able to crack on with these necessary jobs and even start some other projects (like mass decluttering) which I never get time for.

She’d be actually doing something fun and educational rather than sat about waiting for me to do boring jobs and then going to Asda!

It would help gradually build her week up in readiness for starting full time school in September.

I might even be able to do some things for me! Like the gym or a haircut or whatever that I really struggle to find time for now.

Cons:
The main one is guilt. I feel like I’m putting her in pre school when she doesn’t really need to be there for my own benefit, and I won’t get this time back with her when she starts school.

Cost. We currently stretch the 30 hour funding so she can go during holidays and this covers her 3 days but anything above that would be chargeable - probably an extra £100 ish per month which is doable until September but again feels like an unnecessary cost.

I’m worried it would be too much for her and she’d be exhausted by the end of the week.

Your thoughts would be very much appreciated!

Half day (if possible) seems like the obvious solution if you are torn.
My DD does a bonus half day that I don't technically need but it's so, so useful. And yes, I'm aware it's a luxury that many don't get.

OP, my eldest is 12 now but I remember starting a very similar thread when she was about the same age. I agonised over this decision and felt so guilty for even thinking about putting my child in pre-school on my non working day. Now, honestly I look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. Why on earth did I think I needed permission from a bunch of strangers to give myself a break when I was knackered from juggling the demands of work and parenthood? It is absolutely fine to want a day to yourself to get stuff done and run errands without a small child in tow. Even if, heaven forbid, you wanted the day to get your nails done and watch Netflix that wouldn't make you a bad Mother either!
An extra day in pre-school learning, playing and socialising with other children and familiar adults is not a hardship by any stretch of the imagination, and if it means you are more relaxed, present and have more time to play with your DD on the days you're with her than that can only be beneficial.
OP, if I could go back in time and give myself just one piece of advice during the toddler/pre-school years it would be "remember you still matter, don't be a fucking martyr!"

There's your answer then! Give yourself a break. You have an easy solution. You still have three days out of 7 with your child and all the hours they aren’t at preschool. Don't let strangers on the internet guilt trip you!

Don’t underestimate the value of mundane. Chilling with mum not being over stimulated.

kids just want you to be present.

Based on your updates could you do the 9-3 but pick her up at 2. Then you’ve still still the afternoon together and lessens the mum guilt.

doing stuff for you is important too. And will impact her indirectly.

Pay a cleaner for housework
Does her father feel guilty for going to work?
Put her more days in pre school
Take some time off for you
Does your dh have "hobbies" time? Do you? Why not?

Keep her with you. I bet she loves pottering around with you at home.

I've always worked full time but I did compressed hours when DDs were at nursery. So I never had a day when I was not either working or patenting. And I manage.

Studies show that its more important for kids to have good quality time with their primary caregivers, than having more time while the caregivers are distracted and not able to give them quality 1:1 time, in case that helps with your feeling of guilt!

It doesn’t sound like your DH is being fair .Yes he has a FT job, but he also has a FT child. He must do his share of the “life admin “too .

Its very important as a mother to look after your mental health, so please dont feel guilty if an extra day allows that. Have you thought about maybe just a morning session, it would be cheaper? You could get everything done that requires concentration, maybe a gym session, then collect her and do the asda shop together?

Well either she goes extra pre school day or you put her in a gym creche and you do gym session swim or hair
More logical to put her extra day in the pre school she knows.
Apart from house admin carve out some time for you
And do online food shopping for main shop so any trip to shop is just a couple items that dd helps

Kids need to learn to entertain themselves. It is an art and many don't learn it when they have parents who think they have to do stuff all the time with their kids. Keep her at home and either involve her in the jobs you have to do or let her just play on her own if there are jobs she cannot safely ' help' with.