Nighttime routine.

[inthecornersofmymind]

I am the mother of three boys: 10, 4 and 2.

I try to settle my 10-year-old and 4-year-old to bed at 8pm. My 4-year-old has a separate bedroom, but he shares it with my 10-year-old since he doesn't like sleeping alone or being in his own room.

We have made numerous attempts to get him settled in his bedroom at bedtime; despite our efforts, it consistently results in tears and meltdowns.

I allow both boys 30 minutes of either book or screen time just to be fair, and then it's lights out and goodnight.

This always creates an issue, as my 10-year-old loves reading and becomes so engrossed in his books that he doesn’t want to close the book and go to sleep when asked. My 4-year-old has same problem with screen time, and neither of them goes to sleep until around 9 to 9:30PM, just like tonight.

I want to end book and screen time before bedtime since I face the same problem every night. I feel upset because I'm simply trying to be fair, yet it seems like they are taking it for granted.

Would it be reasonable to instantly STOP book and screen time entirely before going to sleep?, given that I feel unable to wean them off gradually.

Same comments at PP - 10 year’s olds bedtime is too early. How about putting the 4 year old to bed (without screens!!!) while ten year old has his quiet reading time in your bedroom? Then at 8:30-9pm ish he goes into his own bedroom and goes to sleep.

First post nails it again

I agree with PPs, your ten year old shouldn’t have to go to bed at the same time as a 4 year old. You need to find some kind of solution that allows the ten year old extra time to read whilst the 4 year old goes to sleep (and if he doesn’t want to comply, that means going back to his own room)

I'd sit with the 4 year old in his own room, without a screen, and get him to sleep there. Let th 10 year old read until 8.30 and then it's lights out. Not fair to the 10 year old to have to fit with the 4 year old.

Last night, I managed to get our 4-year-old to sleep in his bed; it wasn't easy. He kept telling me that he didn't want to sleep in his room and wanted to go into his brother's room.

I suggested playing his Tonie Box, but he asked me to read to him instead, which I did. After we finished reading the book, he would not lie down and go to sleep, which meant I had to lie down next to him and rub his back.

He went to sleep, but it looks like he got up at some stage during the night because when I checked on him early this morning, he was sound asleep in his brother's bed.

Well done for getting him to sleep in his own bed!! The start of a good routine. Have you asked the 10yo about what time he got into bed with him?

How did the 2 year old get on?

You should never allow screens near bedtime; they’re stimulating and bad for brain development.

Definitely no screen time right before bed. It’s unfair to expect a 4 year and 10 year old to go to sleep at the same time. I actually think it’s wrong to dictate bedtimes for a 10 year old: unless they’re struggling to get up; let them decide when to go to sleep.

Can you work on everything with your 2 year old first? He shouldn't be up until you choose to go to bed. If you got him into a routine with the 4 year old it would be far better than the 10 year old having to miss out. Unless he's getting really long naps a 2 year old should be more than able to sleep for 8..

Exactly this

10 year old shouldn’t be sharing with a 4 year old. If necessary put the younger two together.

10 year old shouldn’t be given the same bedtime as a 4 year old. Let him have more privacy and a later bed time.

no screens before bed time this isn’t helping anything. Stick to books, audio books, calming music or even room projectors with starts etc.

You say your 2 year old doesn’t have a routine, that’s because you’re not instilling one. Let the older boy shower and get himself sorted as he’s more than capable and then you can focus on the younger two. Bath if needed; pjs, stories and into bed where they can listen to something whilst they relax.

If they tell you they’re not tired just say that’s ok, they just need to be relaxing in bed. They’ll soon fall asleep.

4 year old bedtime should be 7:30 / 8pm and 10 year old's should be 9-9:30. Your 10 year old should be allowed to read. Screen time that close to bed time is not good anyway.

I appreciate your comment, thank you.

Our 10-year-old would have been sound asleep. I currently have nothing set up for our 2-year-old, but I will make changes in the coming weeks.

I’d start with no screen time for anyone 2 hours before bed
it’s no good for adults
so totally inappropriate for children

It will take maybe a week or 2 of being consistent to get the 4 year old used to the new routine and then it should be fine op!

my thing with our 4 year old is that she must go asleep in her own bed - but if she wakes in the night then it’s ok to come into our bed once she’s quiet and does her best to not wake us up !!

she shares with her nearly 2 year old brother - i get him to bed first at 7.30

read her books in my bed and then bring her to her bed around 8-8.15

she listens to her tonies box or plays with her teddies for a bit and usually when I check around 15 mins or so later she’s asleep

so he noise doesn’t seem to bother the baby brother 🤷‍♀️

This is a joke? Little ones need at least 10hrs sleep! You must have very un happy little ppl 😆.

It sounds like you've accidentally drifted into your 10 year old having the responsibility for getting the 4 year old to sleep whilst you've tackled the two year old so it's great that you've a solid plan in place to move everything that works for everyone as they should. Good luck for tonight, I hope it goes as well as last night. These things can get harder for a bit before they fully settle so stick in there!

I plan to stick to the same routine I used yesterday with my 4-year-old. I appreciate the support.

I'm happy to share that this is the second night I've successfully gotten our 4-year-old to sleep in his own bed. Tonight went much more smoothly because he was tired and asked for a 'bath, story, and bed,' falling asleep midway through his book.

I don't mind him waking up during the night; what matters is that he falls asleep in his own room and bed. Should he keep up with this routine, I plan to take him shopping next weekend to select some new things for his bedroom, in the hope that they will make him feel more comfortable while spending time there.

Such a great update! Well done him - and you!

Fantastic, well done, OP!

Great work OP! Did he migrate to his brother in the night?

It's a bit unfair on your 10 year old expecting him to go to bed the same time as his 4 year old Brother. It's good that you're encouraging the 4 year old to sleep in his own room that way the 10year old can go to bed & maybe read a bit longer with lights out being later.
If your little one is still sneaking in to his Brothers Bed during the night try a reward chart & explain that every morning if he wakes up in his own bed he gets a sticker. Once he has collected xx amount of stickers he'll get a treat. This could be sweets, a new toy of even a later bedtime at the weekends. Consistency is key so don't give up trying to get him to stay in his own bedroom.

YANU for feeling frustrated! Bedtime meltdowns are incredibly draining. However, stopping everything 'cold turkey' might lead to even more resistance at those ages.
We struggled with something similar and found that not all screen time is equal. Instead of high-energy content, we introduced a 15-minute 'low-arousal transition' right before the books/lights out. We use very calm, gentle synthetic phonics (think slow-paced, almost like a visual lullaby).
It acts as a digital 'wind-down' that lowers their heart rate and helps them move from high-energy play to 'sleepy mode' without the battle. It might be worth trying a slower, educational alternative as a bridge before removing the screen entirely. Hang in there!

Kids should have no screen time for at least an hour before bed.

edited! Just read the update! Well done!